Underachieving metaphors

[Paragon Avenger]

He literly had a cow.
(ummm, no he didn't.)

[Paragon Avenger]

If you think twice, you'll be the smartest one in your family.
(Ok, first, you could have 2 stupid thoughts.  Second, maybe the rest of your family gets it the first time.)

[Super Firebug]

"That's so hilarious, it's not even funny."

[Super Firebug]

"After all the bragging I did about my tightrope-walking skills, I'd sure better get this demonstration right. If I fall off, I'll just die!"

[huang3721]

He is not the sharpest tool in the shed, otherwise he would use himself to cut things.

[Paragon Avenger]

Super Firebug is so funny, it's laughable.

[Paragon Avenger]

If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you.
(So, I will never find out.)

[Paragon Avenger]

Because I'm the Mommy.
(Wow, so the only foundation for your authority is that you had sex.)

[Paragon Avenger]

Don't take any wooden nickles

Ok, who is handing out wooden nickles?
Shouldn't counterfeiters be arrested?
Why would anybody use wood to fake a nickle? 
I'd use metal slugs they pop out of metal boxes to make holes for wires.
And you had better not be taking other people's nickles in the first place.

So to recap, don't steal and don't counterfeit, well duh.

[Paragon Avenger]

No man is an island.

Well of course not.  Even when one is swimming and surrounded on all sides by water, one doesn't qualify as a land mass.

A man is not even an archipelago.  That would just be silly.  If a man can't be one island, how could he be a chain of them.

A man can't be a peninsula either.  Of course the male has a peninsula shaped orgin, but that has nothing to do with anything that I'm rammbling about.

Sometimes I feel like I am an isthmus, but definately NOT a island.

[huang3721]

What goes around comes around, unless acted upon by an external force.

[Paragon Avenger]

It doesn't roll uphill.
What if you get a powerful leaf-blower?  Huh?  Huh?

[Paragon Avenger]

I had to shoe-horn my feet into these new shoes.

[Paragon Avenger]

He threw up his hands in disgust.
(Well, maybe he shouldn't have eaten them in the first place.)

[huang3721]

Time is an irreversible arrow. Any attempt to stop or deflect it has  failed miserably. Just ask King Ahab.

[Paragon Avenger]

If that weren't so amusing, one might laugh.

[healix]

I came, I saw, I yawned.

[Paragon Avenger]

Cheap at half the price.
Your kind is a dime a dozen.
If I had a nickle for everytime I heard that one.

(I think somebody needs a lesson in economics.)

[healix]

A new day had dawned! *heads back to bed*

[Paragon Avenger]

There are two secrets to success:
First, never, ever, ever tell everything you know.