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Community => Forum Games => Topic started by: chuckv3 on December 16, 2015, 05:36:04 PM

Title: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: chuckv3 on December 16, 2015, 05:36:04 PM
This is more of a comedic device than anything... but think of examples that sound like they are trying to be metaphors but end up being too literal. Example:

Without my vast wardrobe I just feel naked.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Pengy on December 17, 2015, 04:10:31 PM
Your face says no, but your heart says babump babump babump.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 18, 2015, 02:20:36 AM
Without the GPS on my smart phone, I'd be lost.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 20, 2015, 07:57:20 AM
If it weren't for all my aliments, I'd be healthy as an ox.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: chuckv3 on December 21, 2015, 02:32:59 PM
Whatever disagreements I might have had with the conehead, I could always see his point.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: chuckv3 on December 21, 2015, 02:36:13 PM
The first time I set eyes on her, I could tell she disliked having dead body parts placed on her.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 22, 2015, 03:16:59 AM
If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: chuckv3 on December 22, 2015, 08:40:41 PM
If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I'd be 5 cents richer.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on December 25, 2015, 02:20:47 AM
I was so depressed I slapped a statue's butt....I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2015, 02:16:57 AM
Another day, another dollar in debt.

Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 03, 2016, 11:33:26 PM
"When we were down to nothing, nothing looked good on you."
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 04, 2016, 03:53:18 AM
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness.  Well duh!
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 07, 2016, 03:02:25 AM
"If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Floride on January 08, 2016, 01:43:22 AM
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can give one back to him and sell the rest.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 08, 2016, 02:17:46 AM
You may think it's butter, but it's not.  It's trans fatty PHVO's.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Floride on January 15, 2016, 03:38:10 AM
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Jerk.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 15, 2016, 05:04:34 AM
Five will get you ten that I'm not a betting man.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on January 18, 2016, 02:54:12 AM
All my life I've worked my fingers to the bone, and all I have to show for it is bony fingers.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 20, 2016, 03:08:49 AM
Some mornings, it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
(I didn't know that it ever did.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 12, 2016, 05:25:53 AM
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Eeewww, could you imagine two birds in your bush?
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 18, 2016, 02:46:26 AM
I, for one, blah-blah-blah.  How could the first person subjective singular pronoun refer to any more than one?
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Floride on February 18, 2016, 11:04:08 AM
It is better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees. That is, unless you choose live a lifetime on your feet.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 19, 2016, 03:16:45 AM
It is better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees. That is, unless you choose live a lifetime on your feet.

It would suck to die on your knees.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Teikiatsu on February 19, 2016, 05:03:59 AM
Once all this mess dies down to a dull roar...
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Fireheart on February 19, 2016, 07:17:15 PM
Metaphorically speaking, I don't get it.

Be Well!
Fireheart
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 22, 2016, 04:53:03 AM
If it isn't one thing, it's something else.
(well, duh.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on March 02, 2016, 12:24:26 AM
Things are more like they are today then they've ever been before....
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Floride on March 02, 2016, 06:21:38 AM
There's 2 types of people in the world... those who say "there are 2 types of people in the world" and those who actually say something profound.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: chuckv3 on March 02, 2016, 03:52:00 PM
It would suck to die on your knees.

This answer only seems like it sucks. It's really just fallacious.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 10, 2016, 04:09:16 AM
This new sieve invention of yours looks promising, but will it hold water?
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: huang3721 on March 14, 2016, 01:51:01 PM
There is a proverb in my country:

Quote
Playing with water, soaked. Playing with fire, burnt.

Quoting Paragon Avenger:
Quote
Well, duh!
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 15, 2016, 03:23:20 AM
According to your country, doctors from my country suffer from not being doctors from your country.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 06, 2016, 04:46:26 AM
Underachieving metaphors and other mangled sayings are like half of one, six dozen of the other.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 20, 2016, 04:31:30 AM
It is what it is.
(what else could it be?)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Mister Hassenpheffer on May 13, 2016, 10:15:32 PM
One of these days... death is gonna kill me.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 13, 2016, 10:33:57 PM
Well there's an hour I never get back.
(How would they get that hour back by doing something else?)
{besides time travel}
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 23, 2016, 03:06:19 AM
"That's funny as hell"
(Yeah fire, brimstone and demon torment are hilarious,  :roll: .)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 23, 2016, 03:06:55 AM
That's so unfunny, it's laughable.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 26, 2016, 04:28:34 AM
If you think that I'm going to post here, you got another thing coming.

(That's totally wrong.  It should be, "If you believe that I would post something here then perhaps you should reconsider.")
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 29, 2016, 09:43:27 PM
Killed by Death
Killed by Death
Killed by Death

(Sorry Lemmy, it should be 'Killed to death', and it still doesn't say anything.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 17, 2016, 12:50:54 AM
He literly had a cow.
(ummm, no he didn't.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 19, 2016, 07:33:07 PM
If you think twice, you'll be the smartest one in your family.
(Ok, first, you could have 2 stupid thoughts.  Second, maybe the rest of your family gets it the first time.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Super Firebug on June 30, 2016, 07:19:02 PM
"That's so hilarious, it's not even funny."
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Super Firebug on June 30, 2016, 07:22:32 PM
"After all the bragging I did about my tightrope-walking skills, I'd sure better get this demonstration right. If I fall off, I'll just die!"
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: huang3721 on July 03, 2016, 02:11:50 AM
He is not the sharpest tool in the shed, otherwise he would use himself to cut things.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 03, 2016, 02:32:22 PM
Super Firebug is so funny, it's laughable.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 06, 2016, 01:46:40 AM
If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you.
(So, I will never find out.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 02, 2016, 02:54:54 AM
Because I'm the Mommy.
(Wow, so the only foundation for your authority is that you had sex.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 30, 2016, 09:04:42 AM
Don't take any wooden nickles

Ok, who is handing out wooden nickles?
Shouldn't counterfeiters be arrested?
Why would anybody use wood to fake a nickle? 
I'd use metal slugs they pop out of metal boxes to make holes for wires.
And you had better not be taking other people's nickles in the first place.

So to recap, don't steal and don't counterfeit, well duh.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 03, 2017, 06:58:01 AM
No man is an island.

Well of course not.  Even when one is swimming and surrounded on all sides by water, one doesn't qualify as a land mass.

A man is not even an archipelago.  That would just be silly.  If a man can't be one island, how could he be a chain of them.

A man can't be a peninsula either.  Of course the male has a peninsula shaped orgin, but that has nothing to do with anything that I'm rammbling about.

Sometimes I feel like I am an isthmus, but definately NOT a island.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: huang3721 on January 06, 2017, 12:30:16 PM
What goes around comes around, unless acted upon by an external force.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 08, 2017, 07:44:19 AM
It doesn't roll uphill.
What if you get a powerful leaf-blower?  Huh?  Huh?
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 12, 2017, 05:38:31 AM
I had to shoe-horn my feet into these new shoes.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 24, 2017, 04:42:10 AM
He threw up his hands in disgust.
(Well, maybe he shouldn't have eaten them in the first place.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: huang3721 on July 18, 2017, 11:08:19 PM
Time is an irreversible arrow. Any attempt to stop or deflect it has  failed miserably. Just ask King Ahab.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on July 30, 2017, 03:04:23 AM
If that weren't so amusing, one might laugh.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on August 11, 2017, 12:48:12 AM
I came, I saw, I yawned.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 09, 2017, 06:08:45 PM
Cheap at half the price.
Your kind is a dime a dozen.
If I had a nickle for everytime I heard that one.

(I think somebody needs a lesson in economics.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on October 27, 2017, 07:17:09 PM
A new day had dawned! *heads back to bed*
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on November 17, 2017, 06:48:43 AM
There are two secrets to success:
First, never, ever, ever tell everything you know.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on December 15, 2017, 05:20:33 AM
"No matter where you go; there you are."
(Yeah, next time you have a thought, let it die of loneliness.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2018, 06:59:12 AM
"What comes around, goes around."
(Thank you so much for that tautology.  If you ever have anything to say, even sophistry, let me know.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: huang3721 on January 14, 2018, 07:49:08 AM
...until acting upon it is an external force.

Hi, Avenger! Long time no see.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2018, 05:22:34 PM
"What goes around comes around"  unless acted upon by an external force.
(Thank you so much for that tautology.  If you ever have anything to say, even sophistry, let me know.)


giving proper credit, but mine has big words.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on January 14, 2018, 05:26:32 PM
"To err is human; to forgive, divine."
(So, no matter what I do to you; you MUST forgive me!  I like being human.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 05, 2018, 06:00:38 AM
"No rough-housing in the house!"
(But where else can we rough-house?  It's in the frigging name.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 06, 2018, 04:56:58 AM
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
(Yeah, Murphy, what would stop it.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on February 23, 2018, 05:42:42 AM
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(Great, either I have bags of freedom or none at all.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on March 26, 2018, 04:43:52 AM
"You can be anything you want to be."
(what a crock, if you work hard, put in the hours, train real hard, get lucky a few times than maybe just maybe you'll be in debt up to your eyes---if you're lucky.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on April 04, 2018, 12:53:49 AM
"No, don't try; do it."
(Yes, I'm going to try and do it, geez!)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 17, 2018, 01:34:48 AM
You have to have a runny nose to catch a cold.
Noses run in my family.
Nosey Rosey.
You can pick your friends.  You can pick your nose, but don't pick your friend's nose.
The Shadow Nose
The eyes noses have it.
People with tans brown nose.  That is way they put zinc-oxide on their noses.
? Come on feel the nose ? Girls rock your boys ?

And always remember that to midgets, elevators smell like butts.
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on May 24, 2018, 05:21:17 PM
If you can't beat them, join them.
(coward)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 20, 2018, 01:18:49 AM
Together, we can do anything!
(except go our seperate ways.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on June 25, 2018, 09:44:51 PM
Practice makes perfect
(practice makes progress, there is no perfection in this world)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on June 28, 2018, 11:49:20 PM
Hell have no fury like a woman scorned.
(I resent that sexist remark.  Men have fury too.  And some women know how to forgive.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on August 25, 2018, 03:32:42 AM
"If you think it's butter..."
[if you think that is butter, boy have you got a surprise waiting for you]
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 01, 2018, 05:01:34 AM
"A stich in time, saves nine."
[ok, first, you can't stich time.  second, saves nine what?  Water-buffalos?]
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: healix on September 08, 2018, 12:25:54 AM
My mind is a steel trap.
[too bad it's been left to rust shut]
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on September 12, 2018, 03:13:13 AM
"Ours is not to wonder why.  Ours is to jump and die."
(ok, you first.)
Title: Re: Underachieving metaphors
Post by: Paragon Avenger on October 07, 2018, 07:30:44 AM
"There is no absolute truth; everything is relative."
(Excuse me mister phil os sopher, but isn't that an absolute statement?)