Underachieving metaphors

[chuckv3]

This is more of a comedic device than anything... but think of examples that sound like they are trying to be metaphors but end up being too literal. Example:

Without my vast wardrobe I just feel naked.

[Pengy]

Your face says no, but your heart says babump babump babump.

[Paragon Avenger]

Without the GPS on my smart phone, I'd be lost.

[Paragon Avenger]

If it weren't for all my aliments, I'd be healthy as an ox.

[chuckv3]

Whatever disagreements I might have had with the conehead, I could always see his point.

[chuckv3]

The first time I set eyes on her, I could tell she disliked having dead body parts placed on her.

[Paragon Avenger]

If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.

[chuckv3]

If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't feel so broke all the time.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I'd be 5 cents richer.

[healix]

I was so depressed I slapped a statue's butt....I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

[Paragon Avenger]

Another day, another dollar in debt.

[Paragon Avenger]

"When we were down to nothing, nothing looked good on you."

[Paragon Avenger]

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness.  Well duh!

[Paragon Avenger]

"If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."

[Floride]

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can give one back to him and sell the rest.

[Paragon Avenger]

You may think it's butter, but it's not.  It's trans fatty PHVO's.

[Floride]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Jerk.

[Paragon Avenger]

Five will get you ten that I'm not a betting man.

[healix]

All my life I've worked my fingers to the bone, and all I have to show for it is bony fingers.

[Paragon Avenger]

Some mornings, it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
(I didn't know that it ever did.)

[Paragon Avenger]

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Eeewww, could you imagine two birds in your bush?