Author Topic: How are you handling the loss?  (Read 187370 times)

Graphite

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #140 on: December 10, 2012, 06:18:14 PM »
Thanks Colette,

I found this article and it seems very appropriate to all of us who have lost our game:

http://balancedworklife.com/uncategorized/wreck-it-ralphs-top-ten-tips-for-restarting-the-game-of-life/

Mandrake

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #141 on: December 10, 2012, 08:46:50 PM »
... Wear a "leash," and allow others to pull it ...

Depending on the preferences of your significant other... this can also be a fantastic stress reliever.  ;D

C'mon - you know you were thinking it. You needed that chuckle... and perhaps an interesting gift idea!

Thunder Glove

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #142 on: December 10, 2012, 09:01:38 PM »
I'm entering my second week of CoH-lessness.  I'm feeling better, and Champions is not as bad as I'd feared now that I've had a chance to get used to it, but I still miss CoH and my characters terribly.  CO doesn't feel like a home, it just feels like a waypoint, a place to dabble for a while (with the hope that CoH comes back).  I'm certainly not going to pay for a lifetime subscription there.

JaguarX

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #143 on: December 10, 2012, 09:07:28 PM »
I'm entering my second week of CoH-lessness.  I'm feeling better, and Champions is not as bad as I'd feared now that I've had a chance to get used to it, but I still miss CoH and my characters terribly.  CO doesn't feel like a home, it just feels like a waypoint, a place to dabble for a while (with the hope that CoH comes back).  I'm certainly not going to pay for a lifetime subscription there.

yeah take some time getting used to without COX for some especially for players that may have played for years as the sole game.


There is not another game, wont be another game, will never be another game that will be COX. That is what made COX good to me. There wasnt another game like it. Of course with everything there is a downside. When stuff like what happened to COX happens, it can be hard to find a replacement since there was and or is not any other game like it out there.

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #144 on: December 10, 2012, 09:17:57 PM »
To be fair... I'm not doing very well.

Growing up in the military and being a part of three different base closings, I didn't expect the closure of City of Heroes to be so hard.  When the servers went down, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  My optimism for the world gone.  It's like someone reached into my soul, flicked a switch and I no longer care.  I've now lost being a part of two different worlds that I so desperately love.  I will be an Exile from now till eternity.  And I no longer care.

The Statesman Mickey is still not done since my wife is working on other projects to get ready for yule.  I haven't written my letter to Disney (as if it really would make a difference).  And perhaps more importantly I haven't written my essay for college admissions.  The plan was to go into the ministry as a Unitarian Universalist Reverend, but I honestly don't know if that is still the plan.  My self imposed deadline has come and passed, and I no longer care.

I don't care about my church.  I don't care about my work.  I don't about my wife and child.  I really don't even care about myself.

Don't worry.

I tend to have a flair for the dramatic and am not going any where.  Just don't expect to "see" me for a long long time.

I'm sorry it hit you like a ton of bricks but I certainly understand.  The shock of grief can be numbing.  Some times the mind insulates itself from pain by invoking numbness and an I-don't-care attitude.  Unless that attitude is your default, I expect your attitude will go back to normal or what it was before all this in time.  It just takes time.  Given this is affecting how you feel about other aspects of your life such as work, the people closest to you, and other major parts vital parts of your life, I suggest you go for a State Break.  Purposefully try to cheer yourself up.  At least it's what I would do, along with thinking about stuff, maybe letting out some tears, if that's not too unmacho.   I gotta say I have a lot of respect for men who allow themselves to cry when sad, since it often feels taboo to be "weak" and admit to sorrow.  I've known policemen and military officers to cry over saddening losses and no one thought they were weird.  You certainly don't want to put your life on hold.  Your wife and child will be wanting to celebrate the Yule with you.  Grief can be paralyzing.  It needs to be shaken off if it can, but one's feelings are what they are, and there's little use in ignoring them; they have to be dealt with.  When I ignore feelings, it just comes around to bite me.  Depending on your self-assessment of how you're doing the next few days - and be sure to ask your wife and friends for feedback - you may want to talk with someone sympathetic about this, even potentially a counselor.  You mention a church, so apart from other professionals in your area, often churches have credentialed counselors who'd understand grief and bereavement, though it might take your explaining  to them your loss and resulting feelings and change in attitude.  Thus far I've been very impressed with Unitarian Universalist ministers.  I bet you could find some support and understanding there, even if it did feel a little weird having to explain it.   Don't worry about the letter to Disney; you have bigger fish to fry, including that college admission essay.   Wishing you the best,
John


*noting I just modified this to correct a couple of misspelled words*
« Last Edit: December 10, 2012, 11:20:02 PM by johnrobey »
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Globetrotter

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #145 on: December 10, 2012, 09:28:40 PM »
10 days after the closure ....  still feeling a bit numb after having played only this game for almost 9 years (since february 2004).

But .... I started to learn about demo-editing. It is time consuming, learning something you know nothing about. But then ... I should start with something simple, and not try to make an award winning video.

On the plus, I play with my characters, I love so much. I see them and fantasy more about them, making stories up in my head. (The stories ahve a hard time leaving the head and end up to papter though). Finding music fitting for my heroes.

And guess what .... I can stop any time now, not having to complete something timed, or leave in the midst of a hot battle to answer the phone :-)

Gradually climbing up and finding another hobby.

I am not interested at all in another game. I will start picking up reading again very soon.
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JaguarX

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #146 on: December 10, 2012, 09:37:09 PM »
To be fair... I'm not doing very well.

Growing up in the military and being a part of three different base closings, I didn't expect the closure of City of Heroes to be so hard.  When the servers went down, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  My optimism for the world gone.  It's like someone reached into my soul, flicked a switch and I no longer care.  I've now lost being a part of two different worlds that I so desperately love.  I will be an Exile from now till eternity.  And I no longer care.

The Statesman Mickey is still not done since my wife is working on other projects to get ready for yule.  I haven't written my letter to Disney (as if it really would make a difference).  And perhaps more importantly I haven't written my essay for college admissions.  The plan was to go into the ministry as a Unitarian Universalist Reverend, but I honestly don't know if that is still the plan.  My self imposed deadline has come and passed, and I no longer care.

I don't care about my church.  I don't care about my work.  I don't about my wife and child.  I really don't even care about myself.

Don't worry.

I tend to have a flair for the dramatic and am not going any where.  Just don't expect to "see" me for a long long time.


I'm  not very good as the sentimental type but I felt moved to reply.


I been in the military too. Got out because I got tired of moving around so often. Couldnt start a family because by the time I met someone I had to go. Couldnt have a close group of friends because by the time it was formed it was time to go or they got restationed. It was good times but I dont miss it because now, I can finally settle down. 


Take it one day at a time, man. Try to not let this incident affect things that may affect things for the long term or for life. Take this time to get closer to your family, besides you dont want something to happen and regret not spending more time with them. Take this time to get those goals done, so in the end when this pain pass, there is no regret. Trust me, I wish I had a family now to cherish but I dont. Sometimes  i wished I would have never joined the military. Maybe by now my kid would have been going on ten years old but now I'm just starting due to the military life and probably wont get the opportunity to make another one before I start to get gray and thinking about retirement instead of raising a family. My only hope now is really a ready made family when it should have been someone I should have been growing up old with and having someone to talk about the "good ole' days" but the military decision ruined that. In the end I have to keep on trucking.

One day at a time man. One day at a time. Dont let it defeat you.

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #147 on: December 10, 2012, 09:40:56 PM »
Started the game up last night just to hear the music, incredible how many memories one little tune can bring back  :'(

Alchemedic

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #148 on: December 10, 2012, 10:38:05 PM »
I've been reading a few of these posts. They're really very moving. People are being honest about their feelings about losing what is clearly so much more than just a piece of entertainment, and just as importantly, other people are responding with kindness and counsel.  That's one of the biggest supports this forum has come to offer -- a place where nobody is going to question why this game has come to mean so much to you, or why this loss hurts so much.

Colette mentioned anhedonia, which is the loss of pleasure in things that used to be meaningful to you. I'm very glad that she did, because many people don't realize that anhedonia is a common response to loss. This is not permanent. (From what I've read so far, everything she has said has been spot on.)

Recovering from any loss can take a long time. There's no one strategy for going through the process. Some people are forswearing any other games; others are finding ways to enjoy other games that are out there. There are many coping mechanisms, and what works for some people does not work for others.

Graphite, and anyone who is in a lot of pain: be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to experience a whole mess of emotions and mental responses. Realize that the feelings will come and go, in waves. Don't worry about whether you've gone through any "stages of grief." (In fact, you can actually ignore that concept. If it helps you, use it; but don't feel you need to follow it.) Just realize that you have a lot of feelings to explore, and you will in fact survive. Give yourself permission to grieve, and then give yourself time to heal.

The amazing quality of the CoH community has clearly, and unsurprisingly, outlived the game!
« Last Edit: December 10, 2012, 11:10:20 PM by Alchemedic »

Colette

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #149 on: December 10, 2012, 11:10:05 PM »
Thanks for the kind words, Alchemedic.

"Sister Colette" set herself up as Virtue server's unofficial chaplain, so I guess continuing as she would is my own self-serving way of coping and keeping her "alive."

johnrobey

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #150 on: December 10, 2012, 11:29:07 PM »
I've been reading a few of these posts. They're really very moving. People are being honest about their feelings about losing what is clearly so much more than just a piece of entertainment, and just as importantly, other people are responding with kindness and counsel.  That's one of the biggest supports this forum has come to offer -- a place where nobody is going to question why this game has come to mean so much to you, or why this loss hurts so much.

Colette mentioned anhedonia, which is the loss of pleasure in things that used to be meaningful to you. I'm very glad that she did, because many people don't realize that anhedonia is a common response to loss. This is not permanent. (From what I've read so far, everything she has said has been spot on.)

Recovering from any loss can take a long time. There's no one strategy for going through the process. Some people are forswearing any other games; others are finding ways to enjoy other games that are out there. There are many coping mechanisms, and what works for some people does not work for others.

Graphite, and anyone who is in a lot of pain: be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to experience a whole mess of emotions and mental responses. Realize that the feelings will come and go, in waves. Don't worry about whether you've gone through any "stages of grief." (In fact, you can actually ignore that concept. If it helps you, use it; but don't feel you need to follow it.) Just realize that you have a lot of feelings to explore, and you will in fact survive. Give yourself permission to grieve, and then give yourself time to heal.

The amazing quality of the CoH community has clearly, and unsurprisingly, outlived the game!

I wanted also to add my thanks as well, Alchemedic.  Actually I was going to note but see you've modifited your post, to thank you for your quick summary on Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "Stages of Grief" important tho it was no longer being the model used in Counseling Psychology.  What you said about processing grief in waves, not only made sense, it matches my own experience when dealing with a significant loss.
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NecrotechMaster

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #151 on: December 10, 2012, 11:39:01 PM »
Graphite,

As I mentioned before, an-hedonia and apathy are common symptoms of grieving. Do not worry that this is a crisis of faith or a permanent state. However ill-timed it is, you're human and far from alone in your reaction.

If it's of any comfort, as you get older you get a lot of grieving done for pets, loved ones, catastrophes and disappointments, traumatic experiences and so forth. It's rotten and awful but you do gain experience and learn to cope more efficiently. 'Least that's what I've found. Anyway, the grief is real.

Necro, wrath is my coping mechanism too, and it can be a dangerous one. Wear a "leash," and allow others to pull it. Hope that metaphor made sense.

oh i definitely keep it under control, but i have made it very clear to my friends that i will not ever touch any ncsoft game (cause at least 2 of my friends like guild wars 2)

one of my friends ive talked to more extensively regarding the closing (the announcement and all the responses from ncsoft and information i know about coh) and hes even puzzled about why the game was closed (he played a little bit after some prodding from me but never really got into it too much)

healix

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #152 on: December 11, 2012, 05:47:19 AM »
In our busy lives, people come and go. Sometimes, when they are gone, we wish we'd told them how much they meant to us, but it's too late. I am so lucky that both sides of my family are loving, nutty, affectionate and supportive. "I love you" is said often, and the men of my clan hug without shame or resevation.
So, it's time to tell you, my CoH 'family' how I feel.

You never knew
when my wonderful father passed years ago, I went to The City to escape my sorrow for a brief while. The strangers and friends I teamed with made me laugh and gave so much to my heart, without realizing it.

You never knew
when I suffered from a case of  the "poor me's" from time to time, heading to Paragon got me back on track. Helping a newbie with information/influence felt good. Sometimes, folks would open up and tell me things.

You never knew
all the times I actually cried while I played, either from sadness or happiness. It was good to be with other players in those moments.

You never knew
what you have meant to me, whether we only teamed once, or became friends.
So, I am telling you now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart just for being a very important part of my life. Being able to come here is helping with not being able to log in to CoX.
I love you guys.
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

Victoria Victrix

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #153 on: December 11, 2012, 05:48:42 AM »
In our busy lives, people come and go. Sometimes, when they are gone, we wish we'd told them how much they meant to us, but it's too late. I am so lucky that both sides of my family are loving, nutty, affectionate and supportive. "I love you" is said often, and the men of my clan hug without shame or resevation.
So, it's time to tell you, my CoH 'family' how I feel.

You never knew
when my wonderful father passed years ago, I went to The City to escape my sorrow for a brief while. The strangers and friends I teamed with made me laugh and gave so much to my heart, without realizing it.

You never knew
when I suffered from a case of  the "poor me's" from time to time, heading to Paragon got me back on track. Helping a newbie with information/influence felt good. Sometimes, folks would open up and tell me things.

You never knew
all the times I actually cried while I played, either from sadness or happiness. It was good to be with other players in those moments.

You never knew
what you have meant to me, whether we only teamed once, or became friends.
So, I am telling you now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart just for being a very important part of my life. Being able to come here is helping with not being able to log in to CoX.
I love you guys.

I simply could not have said it better myself although I have not lost any family members, only parrots I loved as well as family members.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2012, 06:27:44 AM by Victoria Victrix »
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healix

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #154 on: December 11, 2012, 05:57:58 AM »
Mecedes, your reply has given me one of the biggest honors of my life.
Listen to the 'mustn'ts'. Listen to the 'don'ts'. Listen to the 'shouldn'ts', the 'impossibles', the 'won'ts'. Listen to the 'you'll never haves', then listen close to me... Anything can happen . Anything can be.

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #155 on: December 11, 2012, 06:24:12 AM »
I just found this post, check on this site every so often. If I checked it to much I'd honestly probably go crazy, some of the things people say on here crush me and others make me wanna do drastic things.

I've been... dealing with CoX shutdown decently enough. Lost a lot of friends. I mostly been throwing myself into whatever I can to detract myself from thinking about CoX. Been dealing with my brother... and his drug problems. He's almost completely jacked up the door on the house from slamming it. But who cares about that? My personal life right? >.>

But yeah I'm doing... ok, remade one of my most favorite chars on CO. Willow Hemera, helps to get on her more then one might think.
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faith.grins

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #156 on: December 11, 2012, 07:02:49 AM »
Been dealing with my brother... and his drug problems. He's almost completely jacked up the door on the house from slamming it. But who cares about that? My personal life right? >.>
Wow that's... that's a new one.

Sadly, if I knew you in real life I could offer more help, as my mother does a lot of rehab counseling.  I don't know the nature of your brother's problem, but I do recommend rehabilitative counseling.  It doesn't have to be part of a program, or as an outpatient at a center or anything.  For a lot of folks, turning to drugs is just easier than dealing with the other things going on in their life.  Sometimes (maybe even most of the time) it's not even a decision they've made consciously, they just turn to something they've learned makes them feel less crappy about the mess they live with.  Addiction is a complex problem, but from what I've seen learning what's wrong in the first place (by talking to someone trained to notice these things and coach you through realizing it for yourself) makes the rest of the process much, much more possible to tackle.

Anyway, yeah, best of luck with that.
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Triplash

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #157 on: December 11, 2012, 08:19:47 AM »
You never knew
when my wonderful father passed years ago, I went to The City to escape my sorrow for a brief while. The strangers and friends I teamed with made me laugh and gave so much to my heart, without realizing it.

My mother passed last fall, and The City is where I went as well. I feel the exact same way about the people here. The close friends, the fun friends, the people I didn't know but still liked. Which turned out to be most of them. That's right, I liked most of the people I met here. How often does that happen?

I have nothing but love for this city and the people in it. Nothing but love. <3 <3 <3

ladycat924

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #158 on: December 11, 2012, 09:50:33 AM »
I wasnt handling it well at all. I have played CO at times with my husband, and always said it did not hold a candle to my love for and enjoyment of CoH. (No insult intended to those who like it, and I am getting along better in it since I learned how to adjust the costume body sliders for a more CoH look to my characters.)

Today though (actually yesterday, as it is WELL past midnight and into Tuesday for me now), I started working with my first tries at demo creating and editing. Got some help over in the demo edit subforum and made my first demo with my only 3 50s. Considering one of the three I only have a costume file for (somehow missed her in all my Sentinal+ savings and only discovered that Monday), I was tremendously grateful for the examples and help, and ultimately I was SUCCESSFUL! (Complete wonder and amazement there.)

Here is a still shot from that cohdemo file:
http://s184.beta.photobucket.com/user/ladycat924/media/CoH/GroupShotFixed.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0

I can see that demo editing is going to be my salvation. Being able to put my characters in motion and in different areas is such a rewarding feeling. I can see my girls and even put them together like they have never been before. I am brimming with ideas and voraciously reading all the demo subforums and outside links. I am excited and enjoying the learning and creating, it is a solace to my grief to be able to DO things with my characters and see what my imagination and work can create.

I dont know how many others might find the same joy in working with demos that I have, but for those having trouble managing the grief, I would highly recommend trying it as an outlet/coping mechanism. It is surely helping me even if it is keeping me from sleeping this first night of exploration!

Wishing peace to all of us in this time of loss,
Cat
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Celtic Lass

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Re: How are you handling the loss?
« Reply #159 on: December 11, 2012, 03:07:52 PM »
Much better today since using CoHDemoLauncher! (Thank you SOOO much for the tutorial, corvus1970!).

When I launched the program and saw my favorite girls standing together for the first time in Atlas Park, I won't lie, I shed a happy tear.  It really made my morning.  :D

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« Last Edit: December 11, 2012, 07:03:02 PM by Celtic Lass »
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