Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

Floride · February 06, 2016, 10:58:30 AM

"This... this can't be happening. City of Heroes is still offline" remarked a dismayed Lucifer, referring to the recently icy conditions discovered on the road to hell. In related news, after an unsuccessful attempt to purchase the IP rights to City of Heroes, Richard Branson bought controlling shares of the game's publisher NCSoft. "City of Virgin" is now tentatively slotted for a late fall release.

Joshex · February 08, 2016, 08:14:11 AM

Quote from: Floride on February 06, 2016, 10:58:30 AM
"This... this can't be happening. City of Heroes is still offline" remarked a dismayed Lucifer, referring to the recently icy conditions discovered on the road to hell. In related news, after an unsuccessful attempt to purchase the IP rights to City of Heroes, Richard Branson bought controlling shares of the game's publisher NCSoft. "City of Virgin" is now tentatively slotted for a late fall release.

ESRB has just announced that the title will earn the game an M rating, where as Branson has argued that it's more of a description of the majority of the intended players than the content.

when ESRB refused to change their rating, Branson suggested an implementation of Virgin Media's parental control internet blocking to censor the game for all audiences, ESRB still insisted the title alone is too lewd.

rezulin · February 08, 2016, 02:28:24 PM

Virgin City would be a better name anyway, and it wouldn't acquire the "M" rating automatically either . . . maybe.

Paragon Avenger · February 09, 2016, 02:35:04 AM

This just in,
imposter reporters have seized control of this network and are filling the airwaves with false stories about Kin Jung-ju. Read at your own risk.

Paragon Avenger · February 12, 2016, 03:07:52 AM

This just in,

The Titan Network will be shutting down. That's right, TN has pulled the plug on the forum for the CoH community. Insiders have failed to determine why TN will be shutting down. When asked for comment, a spokeperson replied, "The community should be used to this sort of thing by now."

Paragon Avenger · February 14, 2016, 07:04:09 PM

This just in,

In a surprise move Aggelakis was over-heard talking to a friend. Aggy mentioned changing support for Bob Dole to John McCain. When asked for comment, Bob Dole said, "Bob Dole doesn't need anybody, Bob Dole will be fine. Mark Bob Dole's words, 'Bob Dole shall overcome.'" Aggelakis was unavailable for comment.

Paragon Avenger · February 16, 2016, 04:42:52 AM

This just in,

IronWolf admits that there was a movement:

Quote from: Ironwolf on February 15, 2016, 09:12:05 PM
It sucks - but all involved have said in the recent past it is slow movement, but there is movement.

Fortunately he is talking about movement to get CoH back.

Paragon Avenger · February 18, 2016, 03:05:15 AM

This just in,

City of Heroes has been re-launched by Joshex. Several people were overheard saying, "This is bad, very bad."

Less sooner, I mean more later.

Tubbius · February 18, 2016, 05:46:49 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on February 16, 2016, 04:42:52 AM
This just in,

IronWolf admits that there was a movement:

Fortunately he is talking about movement to get CoH back.

.... Why does this read like an ad for a laxative company?

On that line of thought, let's NOT get a laxative company to bring back City.

Super Firebug · February 18, 2016, 04:22:13 PM

Quote from: Tubbius on February 18, 2016, 05:46:49 AM
.... Why does this read like an ad for a laxative company?

On that line of thought, let's NOT get a laxative company to bring back City.

Yes, let's definitely not. Sewer missions could become intolerable.

Paragon Avenger · February 21, 2016, 11:51:49 AM

Quote from: Super Firebug on February 18, 2016, 04:22:13 PM
Yes, let's definitely not. Sewer missions could become intolerable.

Whatever floats your boat.
I mean, whatever moves you.
Oh, never mind.

JoshexProxy · February 29, 2016, 02:40:07 PM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on February 18, 2016, 03:05:15 AM
This just in,

City of Heroes has been re-launched by Joshex. Several people were overheard saying, "This is bad, very bad."

Less sooner, I mean more later.

here's how I got it:

https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i66.tinypic.com%2F9a8z07.png

https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.forkheads.net%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ferrg.png

Paragon Avenger · March 07, 2016, 05:30:32 AM

This just in,

Sleeping Beauty and Snow White has formed a corporation to purchase the IP of City of Heroes. When asked for comment, Snow White said that their portfolio needed divesrification and the MMO market is hot right now.

Floride · March 07, 2016, 10:57:44 AM

This just in...

CodeWalker has announced the first Paragon Chat Expansion: Rularuu Rasa, to be released in July 2016. The expansion will include new zones Arieki and Foreas, accessible through doors in Portal Corp. Players will be able to chat between worlds after completing a mission from NPC Garriott who can be found quarantined in any hospital throughout Paragon and the Rogue Isles.
When asked to describe available details, CodeWalker revealed "Are you insane? Do you have ANY idea how much work something like that would take?".
Rularuu Rasa will be the first of many expansions planned for Paragon Chat, including the highly anticipated Paragon Chat: Warcraft.
"Don't drag my name into your hi-jinks" commented an excited Leandro.
Beta sign-up for the new expansion will be available upon request. More as the story develops...

Paragon Avenger · March 08, 2016, 03:05:11 AM

This Just In,

CodeWalker announced today that he and his team have revervsed engineered the City of Heroes MMO and have it up and running on a server.
The URL is http://www.cityofheroes.com/codewalker/
When asked for comment, CodeWalker said, "Are you high? I never said anything like that."
Enjoy CoX, today!!

Paragon Avenger · March 08, 2016, 11:57:26 AM

This just in,

IronWolf and IronClad share the first 4 and 7th letters of their names.
This could be a coinsidice, or an evil plot. If I know my superhero movies, it MUST be an evil plot.
Somehow, IronWolf and IronClad from Champs Online are working together to ...
DESTORY THE UNIVERSE!

(it all fits)

Paragon Avenger · March 09, 2016, 04:24:52 AM

This Just In,

A quote from the THeM ...

Quote from: eabrace on February 24, 2016, 12:42:04 AM
https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg

Yeah, we're working hard to get City of Heroes back.

(Every time I look at this, I think that I can not top that one. It's perfect.)

Paragon Avenger · April 01, 2016, 12:08:46 AM

Just to keep this thread active.

Paragon Avenger · April 11, 2016, 04:49:37 AM

Update, Update,

The THeM has been very busy working to get City of Heroes back up and running again.
When asked for a progress report, I was told ...

Quote from: eabrace on February 24, 2016, 12:42:04 AM
https://i.imgur.com/u4eIESk.jpg

Don't worry, relax, we are working hard to get CoX back.

Paragon Avenger · May 05, 2016, 05:16:04 AM

Update!

The MMORPG known as City of Heroes was activated on a server under the control of NC Soft. The THeM was told about the new URL and that the new server would be running the i24 game client. During their jpyfull celebrations, NC Soft announced that the new game would be shut down, again, in minutes. NC Soft responded to inquiries as to why the second shut-downby saying, 'Same as the first time, no reason <evil laugh />."