Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

Ladies and gentlemen, the network wishes to apologize.  As it turns out, the Malta Group had been the sole source on the Angry Giant Penguin stories.  When checking other sources, we quickly learned that the Malta Group is trying to capture the Angry Giant Penguin for less than honorable reasons.  So the Angry Giant Penguin that is rampaging through the city is actually a friendly, lovable superhero.  More about the Angry Giant Penguin as details are double-checked this time.

[Pengy]

I went to bed with indigestion and had a dream that I got an email from NCSoft saying that they noticed I hadn't defeated anything since 2012 and suggesting I check the boards for build advice. I guess they just forgot about the shutdown, but I'm going to pretend it means the game is coming back.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just In,

NCSoft today annouced the re-launch of their beloved on-line role playing game, City of Heroes.
The only catch is that it has been re-launched on Pengy's brain.  To celebrate the good news,NCSoft has added a new task force to the game called: "Pengy and the Brain".

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

To find out how the purchase of the IP of City of Heroes is going:  check out
http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,11449.0.html

The THeM Story.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

As a present to Jolty, I purchase CoX and will relaunch when the numbness in his fingers goes away.
(I wish this was true.)

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

City of Villains has been re-launched and is ready for play.  City of Heroes remains closed down.  When asked to explain this situation, NCSoft executives refused to comments.  Upon further investigation, the only origin available is technology.  The only archetype available is Mastermind.  The only primary powetset available is Robotics.  The only secondary powetset available is Sonic Resonance.  After playing the game for ten minutes, most of our testers pleaded for ear plugs.

[Paragon Avenger]

Breaking news ---

Today, in Paragon City, Ms. Liberty said, "Maybe that's the reason nobody comes here anymore."  And she plugged in an extension cord that powers the game City of Heroes.  Instantly, the game was back on-line, and thousands logged in to play.  NCSoft found out about it and yanked the plug out of the wall.  They even took the extension cord with them.  Ms. Liberty asked, "Does anybody have a 12 foot extension cord that takes three prongs?"  By the way, 12 foot is nearly 4 metres.

[Paragon Avenger]

This Just In,

Long time City of Heroes fan and author Mercedes Lackey has proposed that we all chip in twenty bucks to buy the game from NCSoft.  When asked if $20 million dollars would be enough, she replied, "It couldn't hurt."

[Floride]

Yesterday NCSoft attempted to delete 1.5 million inactive accounts that have been dormant since the shutdown of City of Heroes.
NCsoft was prevented from deleting the accounts by law, and has now given users 90 days to delete their own accounts before NCSoft forcibly deletes them.
NCSoft has issued no reason for the attempted deletions, but would like to thank everyone with unused accounts for supporting NCSoft and helping NCSoft to pad it's reported total number of accounts for all these years.

[Paragon Avenger]

Perhaps I should say, "Sorry for this one."  in advance.


I have inside information about the progress of the negoitations with NCSoft.

Spoiler for Hidden:

I ain't telling you.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

NCSoft won the powerball jackpot of over $1.5 Billion!  They no longer care about City of Heroes, MMO's, gaming, theinternet or the playerbase.  A spokesman for NCSoft ws quoted as saying, "We're in the money, we're in the money.  We got a lot of what it takes to get by."

And let me appologize again for that previsous post.

[Floride]

This just in....

It appears the source code for the game City of Heroes was open-sourced over 2 years ago! The event went unnoticed most likely due to the previous owner, NCSoft, neglecting to release an announcement and leaving it up to their customer relations liaison Andy Zwillinger as they had done with the shutdown itself. Unfortunately, by the time NCSoft had open-sourced the game, Mr. Zwillinger had been removed from the company for several weeks.
NCSoft has not replied to our request for comment.
But they never do.

[Paragon Avenger]

This Just In,

City of Heroes is set for re-release some time this month.  There have been a few changes made to make the game more fun.

• Blasters will generate even MORE aggro
• Scrappers will do a lot less damage
• Healers will take longer to cast heal other, and the animataion is applying a bandaid
• All mez powers cast by players won't last as long
• All mez powers cast by NPC will last longer
• All travel powers will be slower and take more endurance
• All epic archetypes will be even more prone to dying and will have a 1 in 5 chance of killing them selves
• All enhancement drops will be TO's

[Paragon Avenger]

This Just In,

THeM, the group trying to purchase CoX for re-release, are still in talks with NCSoft.
Here are the main sticking points:

• THeM wants Atlas Park renamed AP33, NCSoft said no.
• THeM wants ICON renamed to CodeWalker's House of Fashion.  NCSoft is thinking about it.
• THeM insists that the PTA trains make more sense, NCSoft refused citing development costs.
• Taco Bell, one of the many financial backers, wants Talos Island renamed Taco Island and the NPC Bell figure more prominently.  THeM said no way.
• THeM wants tie-ins to the successor projects.  NCSoft wants a piece of the successor projects.
• Con Ed, another financial backer, wants a connection to Terra Volta.  NCSoft told them that it was fictional, they heard frictional, and want it all the more.
• THeM wants Ms. Liberty to not be so perky, NCSoft is looking into it.
• NCSoft wants to ban any and all Asian Businessmen AE story arcs where said businessmen get their clocks cleaned.
• NCSoft wants a new zone added called NC'County where heroes and villains battle the evil Nexonians, THeM laughed.

[Floride]

This just in...

Square Enix has announced it has purchased the IP rights to the MMORPG City of Heroes and has plans to re-release the game in early 2017. Planned changes to the game include: extremely frequent random battles, potions instead of inspirations, Arch Villain names will all end in "Weapon", and the game will now feature Save Points.
However the biggest change will be a re-branding of the name of the game itself, under the new title "Weapon Terminal Fantasy!" (WTF!).

[Joshex]

this just in,

NCSoft has demanded that in order for the game to run again the THeM must introduce a new marketing tactic from modern cellphone  games. for this reason regen has been 86ed and health will recharge at a rate of 1 point per minute, and all health inspirations are now super ultra rare or higher and purchasable from the store from $0.10 to $1.00 each. Also all healing powers now require you to be a VIP to receive benefits even if they are your own powers, and the heal output of these powers has been nerfed to max out at the same mount as a medium health inspiration.

but on the plus side there's a new alien enemy group, the Jupiterian Dinosaurs have invaded!

[Golden Aurora]

I completely refuse to play mobile games for this very reason.
Anytime I see something in a new app which wants me to wait or buy crap to continue playing, I instantly uninstall.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

All you bases are belongs to us now, for Leroy Jenkins!

[Paragon Avenger]

I have it on good authority that the game will be back late June, early July.

And by 'good authority' I mean I just made it up.

[Paragon Avenger]

It was announced today,

That City of Heroes will be re-released by NCSoft.  There will be one slight change.  ALL villain groups will now be the Nexonains, and will look amazingly like Kim Jung-ju.  When asked about the change, a NCSoft spokesperson said, "It-is-none-of-your-business."