Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 224194 times)

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #380 on:** July 15, 2015, 05:03:48 AM »

Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

Paragon Chat allows us to do the part of the game that was fun about it. PC allows us to interact with other players. Sol games don't do that. Other games tend to deemphrize it. City of Heroes/Villains was famous for it.

(They just now figured that out.)

Eoraptor · « **Reply #381 on:** July 15, 2015, 06:50:56 AM »

News just coming in that the Iranian Nuke deal includes provisions to search ancient Persian libraries for lost City of Heroes servers.

Sadly the Greek bailout deal does not include investigation of Athens for any hidden data stores for sentinel.

Further news as it develops.

Floride · « **Reply #382 on:** July 16, 2015, 01:17:12 AM »

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on July 11, 2015, 01:55:25 AM

Our Action Reporting Team Has Just Learned ...

The NCSoft CEO was spotted in Atlas Park under the Atlas statue last night. When asked about it, Super Fire Dragon said, "We might not have any powers, but we still can administer justice." The dragon was refferring to the beat-down the NCSoft CEO recieve from several heroes there. Even though no super powers were used, heroes were slapping and smacking the executive. There were even a couple digging holes around him, and throwing the dirt on him. The NCSoft CEO was quoted as saying, "Why didn't you buy GW2?"

That was HILARIOUS to watch. Heavy kudos to the brave genius who made that toon.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #383 on:** July 19, 2015, 04:11:14 AM »

Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

That more people are using Paragon Chat than reading this forum.
If this trend continues, I be out of a job. Thanks a lot Codewalker.

Rejolt · « **Reply #384 on:** July 19, 2015, 05:06:26 AM »

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on July 19, 2015, 04:11:14 AM

Our ace reporting staff has uncovered ...

That more people are using Paragon Chat than reading this forum.
If this trend continues, I be out of a job. Thanks a lot Codewalker.

This just in: Paragon Avenger fired!

In other news, Paragon Avenger is now a freelance bartender in Pocket D.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #385 on:** July 21, 2015, 02:43:04 AM »

Hey gang, I'm relocated to Pocket D, now.
I got the inside scope on the dirt about this city.

NCSoft executives are reported as furious about Paragon Chat. They want to know how they can subscribe to the game. THeM has been trying to explain that paragon Chat is only a chat client and that nobody can subscribe to it. NCSoft executives asked if it went Free-To-Play already. Nexxon is reported as offering as much as $10,000,000 for the exclusive rights to Paragon Chat, but ... uh-oh, I gotta go, the Janitor might have seen me.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #386 on:** July 22, 2015, 12:32:52 AM »

News flash,

Here I am in Pocket D, serving drinks, taking tips and overhearing conversations.
Codewalker is planning something big.
The THeM are stuck in an endless loop of questions concerning the game's details.
Power_Gamer actually hates cats.

more whenever.

Hells Wing · « **Reply #387 on:** July 22, 2015, 11:48:22 PM »

Speaking of fake news I was talking to someone on youtube who claims to know a old GM/Dev who used to be part of his SG group who is a part of Titan Network and that she said the papers were signed in January and CoH has been bought. I'm not one to believe heresay, so I thought I'd point this out :p

News Flash,

NCSoft's building was destroyed by a powerful ray of energy coming from a temporal hole that opened up. Creatures and people dressed in costumes came out, announcing that this world had not been paying it's way and they were soon going to delete it and take this universe as their own.

Meanwhile, the city's trash problem is being solves as a being named "The Clockwork King" has been collecting all kinds of metal trash. We can only hope he does something creative in getting rid of it.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #388 on:** July 23, 2015, 03:09:24 AM »

Quote from: Hells Wing on July 22, 2015, 11:48:22 PM

Speaking of fake news I was talking to someone on youtube who claims to know a old GM/Dev who used to be part of his SG group who is a part of Titan Network and that she said the papers were signed in January and CoH has been bought. I'm not one to believe heresay, so I thought I'd point this out :p

Oh yeah, everybody knows that the deal was signed in January. It took several weeks to get the servers up and/or running. Several more weeks spent sorting through the game imagine to get it to work on the new servers. Several more weeks to reverse engineer a codebase for the game. Several more weeks of play testing. There remains only one minor glitch. Blue pants don't work when paired with green shirts. They have tried everything, but having agreen shirt with blue pants causes the game to clash.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #389 on:** July 26, 2015, 03:40:27 AM »

The news from Pocket D

Last night, Kolissa an Arachnos Widow spent some time at the bar. One bystander commented, "She must have a black hole of a bladder with all those drinks." Kolissa engaged in conversation with a Goblin. It turns out that the Goblin Freedom League was quoted: "Free at last, free at last, thank Zeus, free at last." Kolissa has been a long advocate for Goblin equal rights. Kolissa was seen dancing with the subsitute bar-tender named Deadpool, after the regular bartender, Lt. Hunter was on a rhaspody. All in all, we are no closer to getting City of Heroes back.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #390 on:** July 27, 2015, 03:59:52 AM »

City of Heroes is up and running on an undisclosed server farm in South America. The biggest difference that we noticed was that the snakes were replaced by iguneas. To play on the server go to:
https://COH2.paragon-city.net/I/want/to/play?=now
And ask for Ziggles and say that PA sent you.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #391 on:** July 28, 2015, 01:47:07 AM »

Ok, show of hands, how many of you actually tried that URL in the previous post?
I thought so,
Look, it says "Completely fake CoH news ..." can't you take a hint or a joke.

Floride · « **Reply #392 on:** July 28, 2015, 06:00:27 PM »

This just in...
BuryTheLead.com is reporting Codewalker has announced the next Paragon Chat update will include a Downix NPC Contact which you can click on and send City of Titans game suggestions to, because CoT development just hasn't received ENOUGH suggestions about what the game should include.
All costume pieces, both NPC and player, will be unlocked. A new map feature will allow you to click anywhere on a zone map and be instantly teleported to those coordinates. Player and NPC mouths will now move whenever posting text to any chat channel. Also, there will be full game functionality.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #393 on:** July 30, 2015, 02:26:41 AM »

This just in,

This reporter has learned, today, that the THeM is in full swing trying to pitch THeM's plan to take over the world, I mean the game formerly known as City of Heroes. They have sent geisha girls to the suites of the top executives. The overly excited girls were sent back with messages that informed the THeM that geisha is a Japanesee custom not South Korean. THem tried sending vegatarian gift baskets to NCSoft executives. The baskets came with notes about respecting their beliefs in the scared cows. The baskets were likewise sent back with the simple message, 'Where's the beef.' on them. THem countered by sending the executives the finest English tea and cookies. The tea was sent back, but the cookies were gone. Again THeM found a note explaining the reason. It said, "Nice cookies, wrong tea."
This reporter just the impression that the THeM would send a ham to a Jewish person with a note saying, "Happy Yom Kippur."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #394 on:** August 04, 2015, 05:45:56 AM »

Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that indeed and in fact, THeM sent the pope a Prime Roast dinner on Good Friday with a note that read, "Happy Good Friday, Frankie!"

The Vatican could not be reached for a reply.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #395 on:** August 11, 2015, 01:39:26 AM »

Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that the THeM, in it's never-ending on-going attempt to purchase the rights to the IP that was City of Heroes, hit a snag today as they learned that all this time they had been dealing with MCSoft. The THeM is supposed to be dealing with NCSoft. When asked to explain how such a blunder could continue for over a year, Dave or that other guy responded in a news release blaming the q-w-e-r-t-y style keyboard with its layout placing 'N' and 'M' side-by-side. There was no word from THeM as to how long it might take to get in-touch with NCSoft. Another team member lamined the whole ordeal by saying, "We were so close with MCSoft."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #396 on:** August 12, 2015, 01:56:03 AM »

Our crack investigation team,
Has learned that THeM president or that other guy has been tried to setup a deal with MCI Software.
When told that that is the wrong company, some guy said, "[grapefruit]!"

Floride · « **Reply #397 on:** August 13, 2015, 05:22:57 AM »

This just in...

Pepsico has announced it has purchased the IP for City of Heroes. Coca Cola has anounced it has purchased the IP for City of Villains. Donald Trump heard Praetoria was "Gold Side" and purchased City of Heroes: Going Rogue. Fans of the game have finally given up any hope of a relaunch.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #398 on:** August 14, 2015, 02:19:46 AM »

Quote from: Floride on August 13, 2015, 05:22:57 AM

This just in...

Pepsico has announced it has purchased the IP for City of Heroes. Coca Cola has anounced it has purchased the IP for City of Villains. Donald Trump heard Praetoria was "Gold Side" and purchased City of Heroes: Going Rogue. Fans of the game have finally given up any hope of a relaunch.

Coca-Cola has announced that their "named" cans will now say something like, "Share a Coke with ... Lord Recluse"

Pepsi has announced that on specially marked cans of Pepsi, their are giving away free respec tokens.

Donald Trump announced that the rent rates in Praetoria will increase slightly to offset increased costs.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #399 on:** August 17, 2015, 09:59:23 PM »

This just in,
THeM has received the OK to begin planning to meet with NCSoft executives for the purpose of scheduling meeting times and places for deciding on how to proceed with negotiations on the purchase of the rights to the license for City of Heroes.

This is a major step forward.

News:

Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 224194 times)