Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222101 times)

Floride · « **Reply #340 on:** May 26, 2015, 02:30:14 AM »

This just in...

Today NCSoft activated it's City of Heroes servers for one hour in a test-market attempt to see if there was enough interest in a relaunch. NCSoft promoted this event with as much vigor as they did the game back when it was in full swing, thus only 3 people logged in worldwide - 2 by accident and 1 janitor from the NCSoft offices who'd found a memo in the trash. NCSoft has now determined that interest in a relaunch is nearly non-existant and has shelved any future relaunch attempts.

Sugoi · « **Reply #341 on:** May 27, 2015, 02:40:10 AM »

Quote from: Floride on May 26, 2015, 02:30:14 AM

This just in...

Today NCSoft activated it's City of Heroes servers for one hour in a test-market attempt to see if there was enough interest in a relaunch. NCSoft promoted this event with as much vigor as they did the game back when it was in full swing, thus only 3 people logged in worldwide - 2 by accident and 1 janitor from the NCSoft offices who'd found a memo in the trash. NCSoft has now determined that interest in a relaunch is nearly non-existant and has shelved any future relaunch attempts.

Are you certain this is fake news?

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #342 on:** May 28, 2015, 03:09:18 AM »

This just in,
The THeM staged a mock trial of the entire NCSoft executive staff. THeM was quoted as saying, "We wanted to highlight the criminal behavior of killing a game in its prime. And stealing entertainment and joy from thousands of fans." The mock trial lasted six hours and the final verdict was that all the NCSoft executives were aquitted. A bystander was quoted as saying, "THeM can't walk."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #343 on:** June 02, 2015, 02:08:59 AM »

This just in,

The CEO of NCSoft says that he loves you.
More on this story of details become clearer.

Graydar · « **Reply #344 on:** June 02, 2015, 06:16:18 PM »

This just in, Downix accidentally rips his face off whilst taking his mask off. Dies in horrific agony. Masterminds and empaths are on scene desperately trying to rez him and/or recruit him as a zombie minion. More on this story as the zombie apocalypse develops.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #345 on:** June 03, 2015, 01:58:25 AM »

This just in,
The zombie apocalypse continues in areas where no news coverage is available.
The Mayor of a small town ravaged by zombies was quoted as saying, "Braaaainnns."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #346 on:** June 04, 2015, 12:58:24 AM »

This just in,
Senator Who-zits said today that there are no grounds to panic about this zombie uprising.
He then offered to give this reporter a free brain explorative surgery just to make sure there were no tumors up there.
This reporter wasn't born yesterday and refused the senator's advances.

Sugoi · « **Reply #347 on:** June 04, 2015, 03:39:58 AM »

Quote from: Graydar on June 02, 2015, 06:16:18 PM

This just in, Downix accidentally rips his face off whilst taking his mask off. Dies in horrific agony. Masterminds and empaths are on scene desperately trying to rez him and/or recruit him as a zombie minion. More on this story as the zombie apocalypse develops.

Vengeance Bait!!!

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #348 on:** June 09, 2015, 02:07:26 AM »

This just in,

In a bizare turn of events, zombies have entered into a bidding war with the THeM for the rights to the IP of CoH.
The THeM offered x dollars and royalities and licensing agreements.
The zombies offered to not eat the brains of the NCSoft executives.
This reporter has learned that NCSoft is carefully weighing the merits of both offers.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #349 on:** June 10, 2015, 04:56:54 AM »

This just in,

The Zombies have successfully won the bidding war with the THeM for the rights to the City of Heroes IP.

There will be a few changes.
First, Zombie Tuesdays.
Second, Necromancy is no longer available as a mastermind powerset, it has been replaced by the bunnies powerset.
Third, during zombie invasions, the zombies win!

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #350 on:** June 13, 2015, 04:18:58 AM »

This just in,

Good news, the Rikti have launched an all out invasion of Paragon City.
With the aliens fighting the zombies, we might be able to get something done.

Sugoi · « **Reply #351 on:** June 13, 2015, 04:50:06 PM »

And the Bad News is.....

Now we have to fight hordes of Alien Zombies with overhead support bombarding us as well.

Joshex · « **Reply #352 on:** June 13, 2015, 05:35:37 PM »

And so in order to be a hero, I decided against all odds to go to paragon city to rectify the situation.

However I was quickly stopped by rights activists who are claiming Alien Zombies have rights too so I can't just go in and wipe the place clean.

However, I found a legal loophole in the whole operation, all the deals are under NDA. that means there are stiff penalties for anyone involved who talks about it, aka they /CAN'T/ talk about it! so I can go in and just clean the floor with the zombies after all, take the server by force and so long as the topic is under NDA, I'm protected! they can't tell anyone what I did!

now if you'll excuse me I have a huge shipment of salt the size of Texas coming into independence port by air mail and have to give the drop signal.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #353 on:** June 14, 2015, 05:33:37 AM »

This just in,

We have good news and even better news.
However, I've just been informed that the National Dairy Association refuses to allow us to discuss it.

Less on this topic as details happen.

Ryo Kinsaru · « **Reply #354 on:** June 18, 2015, 12:22:09 AM »

I don't want a corporation to buy CoX, I want Vladimir Putin to buy CoX and relaunch it.

"I dare you shut down."

Tonight's Top Story:
"City of Heroes/City of Villains made headlines today when they unilaterally invaded and annexed DC Universe Online, Guild Wars 1 & 2, and the Peoples' Democratic Republic of the Congo. When asked what prompted these heinous and unprovoked attacks, President Putin simply responded, "More room Super Jump."."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #355 on:** June 19, 2015, 04:17:53 AM »

This just in,

Ok, the National Diary Association might not want you to know that the talks are on-going.
The NDA would probably refuse to tell you that progress is being made.
THeM and NCSoft are unable to tell you that there is only one obstacle to re-launching City of Heroes.
That one issue is ...

Spoiler for Hidden:

Floride · « **Reply #356 on:** June 19, 2015, 04:39:04 AM »

Bridgeport - A local area resident Bernard C. claims to have purchased the IP of the once popular MMO City of Heroes at a local multi-family garage sale for $4.00. The IP was found on a hard drive hidden in an envelope attached to the back of the coffeemaker sporting the label "Property of NCSoft". Currently 10,000 lawyers and law-makers are working overtime in an attempt to completely avoid getting in the middle of this DMCA fiasco. Bernard, after discovering this data, immediately sent it to The Telegraph and has asked Vladamir Putin for Asylum. More as the story develops...

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #357 on:** June 19, 2015, 05:52:24 AM »

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on June 19, 2015, 04:17:53 AM

This just in,

Ok, the National Diary Association might not want you to know that the talks are on-going.
The NDA would probably refuse to tell you that progress is being made.
THeM and NCSoft are unable to tell you that there is only one obstacle to re-launching City of Heroes.
That one issue is ...
Spoiler for Hidden:
redacted

Sorry, sometimes I have a mean sense of humor.

Floride · « **Reply #358 on:** June 19, 2015, 05:59:12 AM »

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on June 19, 2015, 05:52:24 AM

Sorry, sometimes I have a mean sense of humor.

I was just assuming NDA=NSA in Disguise.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #359 on:** June 20, 2015, 02:13:59 AM »

In a rare move by the THeM, actual good news was released indicating that something might or might not happen and that the timeframe for that something is soon or soon^TM.

We can only assume that this is a hoax.

News:

Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222101 times)