Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222112 times)

Tubbius · « **Reply #400 on:** August 17, 2015, 10:12:11 PM »

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on August 14, 2015, 02:19:46 AM

Coca-Cola has announced that their "named" cans will now say something like, "Share a Coke with ... Lord Recluse"

Pepsi has announced that on specially marked cans of Pepsi, their are giving away free respec tokens.

Donald Trump announced that the rent rates in Praetoria will increase slightly to offset increased costs.

In addition, certain cans of Dr. Pepper will play the Atlas Park opening music on popping the top.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #401 on:** August 18, 2015, 02:37:35 AM »

This just in,

The THeM has annouced that Tony or that other guy will be leading the efforts to purchase City of Heroes. Even THeM can't tell them apart.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #402 on:** August 22, 2015, 06:13:34 AM »

This just in,

The THeM announced today that negotiations have begun with Nixon to purchase City of Heroes. When told that it is not Nixon, but Nexon that owns the rights to City of Heroes, THeM responded by saying, "D'oh!".

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #403 on:** August 24, 2015, 03:17:17 AM »

Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
A North Korean plot to take-over South Korea solely for City of Heroes relaunch. Although we here at Simple Machines News would be thrilled to have City of Heroes back, we do not want to see innocent bloodshed. Here's hoping that City of Heroes can be returned without the use of deadly force.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #404 on:** August 29, 2015, 01:16:34 AM »

Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,

THeM has announced that today they managed to leave their hotel and actually take a taxi across town all by themselves. They needed help getting back to the hotel before dark.
Yes, the fate of City of Heroes is in THeM's hands.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #405 on:** September 01, 2015, 05:52:14 AM »

Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
That several of THeM gather in Atlas Park and listen to the radio on Friday's in an effort to save CoH.
Good luck.
Yup, they listen to the radio in order to save City of Heroes.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #406 on:** September 02, 2015, 12:22:08 AM »

Your crack news investigation team has uncovered,
City of Heroes and City of Villians are back up and/or running.
Any player can go to any zone, because there are no longer street gangs.
And that is a good thing, because all attack, buff and debuff powers have been nerfed to the point of not even working. About the only thing you can do is chat and emote and fly around.

It's good to have the game back.

Floride · « **Reply #407 on:** September 02, 2015, 08:29:57 PM »

This just in...
For almost 2 years a small group of programmers have been running a fully functional City of Heroes private server for themselves and their close friends, but recently the server started crashing for unknown reasons. A short time later "Paragon Chat" was launched as a testing ground to debug the private server crashes. It is unknown if Paragon Chat will remain online after it has served it's purpose, but one source revealed that the private server will remain "private". When pressed for more info he became dismissive saying it was a "myth" and a "rumor", and ended by asking "what's a private server?"

Pseudo42 · « **Reply #408 on:** September 04, 2015, 07:31:42 PM »

This just in, Ms. Liberty is having a baby! Speculation on whether it will be a boy, a girl, or a thing is currently underway! No news on who the baby daddy is but sources say that it is none other than Lord Recluse himself! We're sure her grandfather, Statesman, is rolling in his grave if this turns out to be true.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #409 on:** September 06, 2015, 07:57:53 AM »

Quote from: Floride on September 02, 2015, 08:29:57 PM

This just in...
For almost 2 years a small group of programmers have been running a fully functional City of Heroes private server for themselves and their close friends, but recently the server started crashing for unknown reasons. A short time later "Paragon Chat" was launched as a testing ground to debug the private server crashes. It is unknown if Paragon Chat will remain online after it has served it's purpose, but one source revealed that the private server will remain "private". When pressed for more info he became dismissive saying it was a "myth" and a "rumor", and ended by asking "what's a private server?"

Yes, this is old hat, if you have a blue star then you may play CoH on the private server.
How do you get a blue star?
Practice, practice, practice.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #410 on:** September 14, 2015, 01:55:55 AM »

All the rumors about a secret private server where select people play City of Heroes is false, unfounded, and completely without merit.
It would be illegal, a violation of copyright laws, and illogically.
Further speculation as to the existance of such a server is totally fruitless.

And that that is settled, let me get back to my all MM Posi TF.

Floride · « **Reply #411 on:** September 15, 2015, 10:24:29 PM »

This just in...

No new updates.
Carry on!

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #412 on:** September 16, 2015, 01:22:34 AM »

This just in,
The THeM have offered NCSoft $48 billion for the rights to City of Heroes with no strings attached.
NCSoft countered by throwing in Wildstar and GW2, but THeM refused.
Songyee Yoon pleaded with the THeM, and explained how the three games fit perfectly togther.
THeM wouldn't budge.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #413 on:** September 18, 2015, 02:10:45 AM »

This just in,
NCSoft agreed to sell the THeM City of Heroes for $1.5 million. THeM refused and counter-offered $1,495,950 and a hunk of cheese. NCSoft inform the THeM that their smelly old cheese wasn't welcome.
More cheese news as time permits.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #414 on:** September 20, 2015, 02:11:16 AM »

This just in,
NCSoft and the THeM have reached an agreement to transfer ownership of the IP known as "City of Heroes" to a third party. CoH LLC, will then license City of Heroes to the THeM and others for the purpose of game-play and merchandizing. The legal department of NexSoft has discovered that the fan fiction on the Titan Roleplaying Forum known as "Where Have All The Heroes Gone" presents a sticky legal issue. Simple Machines owns and operates the forum, and thereby owns the content, but is not responsible for that content. The content makes reference to a few of the copyrighted characters that are part of City of Heroes, namely Ms. liberty. The fan fiction also mentions characters that were or have been created for use in the game and thereby are the legal property of Cryptic Studios. Therefore, all parties involved have to pay royalities to johng736, a.k.a. Paragon Avenger, his assigns, heirs or co-owners. This means that City of Titans will need to feature a main character named Super Fire Dragon or face a very jumbled mess of a lawsuit.

You're welcome.

Joshex · « **Reply #415 on:** September 20, 2015, 01:07:24 PM »

Today the whole conspiracy plot blew out of the closet in a rabid rumble, NCSoft joined the contenders and secretly slipped the CoX IP to nintendo over night, then nintendo fearing it would be cornered by Nexon and microsoft passed the IP back to NCSoft who then took a private jet to america where it passed the IP to Konami, however microsoft nexon and sony were hot on it's trail in their own private jets, just then when all seemed hopeless netmarble sprung into action and quickly delivered the IP to Activision who held off the offense while it passed the IP Cryptic Studios, however in a shocking turn of events cryptic had changed sides! Cryptic passed the IP to Perfect World Entertainment, Perfect world passed it to Disney Disney passed it to Microsoft Microsoft passed it to Nexon, Nexon had an open field and was taking it home when a sudden appearence of Acclaim Entertainment happened out of the left field behind the goal! With a hard kick Nexon Posed to make a goal! but with an expert dive Acclaim catches the Ip denying the goal! the crowd cheers! then acclaim.. wait what is he doing?! acclaim has thrown the IP towards the contenders goal and looks as they were all on one side of the field there's no one to stop it! but oh no! it falls short! then NCSoft taps it in! the crowd goes wild!

then some government calls foul, "red card suspected money laundering in centerfield."

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #416 on:** September 24, 2015, 02:09:53 AM »

This just in,
NCSoft pleaded with the THeM to purchase the City of Heroes IP. THeM flattly refused, because they the THeM want to drag this out as long as possible for the launch of some of the successor projects. The diabolical idea is for one of the successor projects, CoT let's say, to wait for the launch of AP Revival or Valance or Heros and Villians to launch then re-launch CoX to strave the market share of those other games. Then introduce QoL (quality of life), bugs into the re-launched CoX right before launching THeM's game. AR Revival spokesperson was quoted as, "Those <grapefruit> heads!"

Remember, you read it here first.
(unless somebody else posted something similar somewhere and was soundly and correctly refuted.)

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #417 on:** September 25, 2015, 02:27:54 AM »

Today it was learned that,
Atlas Revival is in active competition with the THeM to purchase the rights to the City of Heroes Intellectual Property (IP).
APR refuse to comment, but sources close to the successor project said, "Get that <grapefruit> microphone out of my face."
Experts believe that that is an admission of guilt.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #418 on:** September 27, 2015, 02:31:46 AM »

This just in,
The law offices of Chris Jenkins has filed a restraint of trade injunction against NCSoft. With the shut-down of the game, Chris Jenkins has lost a lot of business and may be forced into bankruptcy. He has enjoined NCSoft to re-launch the IP known as City of Heroes and allow super-powered beings to cause mishaps that he can again file suit to claim damages against.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #419 on:** September 28, 2015, 02:51:59 AM »

This just in,

The THeM has complained that there is another bidder for the CoH IP. This other bidder, THeM says, is well financed, determined and ruthless. Our crack research department has learned that the following are all bidders for the intellectual property of City of Heroes:

THeM
Tony Stark
Bruce Wayne
Daddy Warbucks
Professor Charles Xavier
and
Scrougue McDuck

News:

Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222112 times)