Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

[Paragon Avenger]

"H41 6v135!  1 PW4N3D = J00 411

teacups."

Graet, and here I don't speak South Korean.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

     The THeM has announced a breakthrough.  It seems that the plumbing in the South Korean hotel where they are staying is a bit tricky compared to North American plumbing.  Through perservence THeM finally made boom-boom.  We are all very much relieved to hear this great news.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

ParagonSoft has decided to relaunch City of Heroes after the holidays.  Look for their big Super Bowl Commericals.

[Mageman]

Breaking Story! They have successfully completed the purchase of the CoX IP! And they're including all your account and character information!

There's only two condition - they can't acknowledge this fact, or turn on the servers until November 2025!

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

They are all ready to re-launch City of Heroes except they want to work in the "Where Have All The Heroes Gone" series of fan-fiction.  So they have to wait for the end of #6: Blue Side, and the author mentioned a seventh.  Thanks loads PA!

[Mageman]

After a lot of "imagination" (read as "investigation") as to why NC Soft won't sell the IP, I found a strange money trail. It leads from Cryptic to NC Soft! It seems that Cryptic paid them to take down CoX with the provision that they couldn't sell the IP for 5 years. Thus the major competition to Champions Online falls off, forcing people to play their game!

More imaginary news to follow!

[Paragon Avenger]

After professional investigation,

We have learned that NCSoft was paid boat loads of cash to shutter CoX by Nexon.  Nexon was forced into this arrangement by Cryptic Studios who were being threatened with a lawsuit by Perfect World Entertainment that eledged that all the characters in CoX were direct rip-offs of characters from the broadway play "Cats".  Anyway, it is plain to this reporter that the real winner in all of this is Nabisco.  Nabisco is ran by Nemisis according to less than trust-worthy sources.

[rezulin]

I just knew we couldn't trust those dang elves living in that tree.  "We're just making delicious cookies" my butt.

[Pseudo42]

This just in, City of Heroes' shut down was actually a complete and honest mistake says an insider from NCsoft.  Apparently while going over their quarterly numbers, they discovered that the company, Paragon Studios, was making more money than other games like Lineage, Guild Wars, Aion, and Lineage II. The CEO called a meeting with their top financial advisers to discuss options on what to do about this.  Misinterpreting the information they had collected from that meeting and believing Paragon Studios was quietly attempting to absorb their previous California branch, NCsoft NorCal, and had openly declared that they were "Going Rogue", the parent company terminated Paragon Studios to further prevent them from becoming a rival company. 

Little did they realize that Paragon Studios had only just relabeled themselves after NCsoft's own game, City of Heroes was their property, and Going Rogue was just an expansion for the previous game.  Without warning, they shut down the game and fired everyone before they realized their error.  Still, they were much too proud to admit that mistakes were made and decided to take certain steps to mitigate this disaster.  Namely by continuing with the shutdown and pretending this was all going according to plan.

Now it's just one little embarrassment that NCSoft prefers to not acknowledge and the company is now asking, not for forgiveness, but for everyone involved as both player and developer to stop pestering them about what they're going to do with the IP and if there will ever be a City of Heroes 2.  Instead, they hope that you enjoy playing their newest games like Guild Wars 2 and WildStar before they shut them down as well.

[Paragon Avenger]

I just knew we couldn't trust those dang elves living in that tree.  "We're just making delicious cookies" my butt.

That's Keebler!  A subsidary.

[Mageman]

I wonder how many posts it will take to get to a new page....

[Paragon Avenger]

I wonder how many posts it will take to get to a new page....

Probably one more.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just In,

Duck sauce contains no duck.  Repeating, duck sauce contains no duck.  We are not certain how this might affect the THeM as they try to purchase CoH.  Watch this thread closely for further details.

[Rejolt]

This just in: As part of the deal of NCSoft and Netmarble buying each other's stock, Netmarble now has the rights to make City of Heroes inspired games!

The following is coming in 20XX:

Synapse Sprint: collect Enhancements in Perez Park while outrunning the Kraken! Premium costumes available!

Blue Shield Slash & Bash!: swipe, swipe and tap your way through this Infinity Blade-inspired RPG!

Sister Pyche Hollywood: mind ride through various celebrities as you gossip, make friends and go shopping with the kings and Queens of Reality TV!

The Freedom Phalanx in The Attack of the 5th Column: build your team in this true combat RPG! Auto play your way to enhancements, powers and influence!

Back Alley Brawler's Herd Master: round up hundreds of enemies in this revolutionary ARPG! Aliens, werewolves and street punks will know the might of your dumpster diving skills!

The Web of Lord Recluse Card Conquerers: Beat hundreds of heroes with a variety of schemes and powers. Upgrade your soldiers! Dominate rival word-domination wannabes! Capture land and resources! Conquering the world is your destiny!

[Mageman]

How long is this going to take? Ironwolf's "New Efforts" have been going on since March 6th, 2014 (this was his first posting, no information on when these efforts actually began, over 20 months ago) trying to buy the "Intellectual Property" (IP) from NCSoft. We're rapidly approaching the 3 year anniversary of the shutdown (Nov 30, 2012), and I would have hoped that something would be online by now.

ICON allows you to use the character creator, and explore maps, but from there it's a dead and lonely world. From what I've read, that is all ICON will ever be.

Supposedly, there are a few groups trying to reverse-engineer the servers, but they're not talking. I also don't know (and I've been unable to find any information on) someone trying to modify the game so you can play it in "single player" (local) mode.

Atlas Park Revival (http://cohrevival.com/) is 3 people trying to re-create the game maps, and is probably 20+ years away from something release-able. As far as I can tell, what their plan is to have something available for the purchasers of the CoX IP so they can advance the game after

City of Titans (http://cityoftitans.com/), Heroes and Villains (http://www.heroes-and-villains.com/phpb/home.php), and Valiance Online (https://valianceonline.wordpress.com/) are the "spiritual successors" - meaning that they are going to try to recreate the "spirit" of CoX. However, as far as I can tell, are still years away from being able to release their games.

Valiance Online actually had a playable "Alpha" version for a while, but now the servers went down on June 19, 2015 and there's no posting about them being up. This is almost 5 months ago.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

After nearly three years without a playable workable City of Heroes or City of Villains or even a Going Rogue options for the CoH players, they are starting to question the efforts and even the existence of the THeM.  Nate or Tony or somebody I made up said, "It is understandable to get a little impatient about the efforts to re-launch such a beloved game.  Think of it this way, your neighbor has an old project car, say a '65 Mustang.  He used to drive it and even give you rides in it.  Now, he has it in storage.  You ask if you can buy it from him.  He says, 'No', a lot.  It's kind of like that, only way more complicated and with a bunch more cheese."

So there you have it folks.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

The THeM has received over 250 pounds of cheese in an effort to help purchase CoX.  It seems that there was some silly story about purchasing the game on a Titan Forum, and people responded by sending THeM cheese.

This reporter has no idea how such non-sense gets started.

[Mageman]

I guess it's really hard to make up news about CoX's comeback. It doesn't make sense to me, if someone wants to give you a bunch of money for something you haven't earned a penny on for 3 years, why wouldn't you accept it?

It makes me think of a bully playing keep away with a little child's shoes. The shoes are useless to the bully, and the bully get fun out of making the little child do stuff to get the shoes back. In the end, the bully gets bored and throws the shoes away. It doesn't matter if the child gets the shoes back, the bully is just in it for the "fun".

[Taceus Jiwede]

I guess it's really hard to make up news about CoX's comeback. It doesn't make sense to me, if someone wants to give you a bunch of money for something you haven't earned a penny on for 3 years, why wouldn't you accept it?

It makes me think of a bully playing keep away with a little child's shoes. The shoes are useless to the bully, and the bully get fun out of making the little child do stuff to get the shoes back. In the end, the bully gets bored and throws the shoes away. It doesn't matter if the child gets the shoes back, the bully is just in it for the "fun".

This whole thing will be a lot easier on you if you stop looking at NCSoft as an evil mastermind doing this just to torture us.  Its not personal.  They aren't bullying you, and most of the people involved with the shutdown and the sale probably had little connection to the game.

Its like an ex.  When you get out of a relationship that is ended by the other person.  You don't sit around hating the person and wondering why they went out of their way to hurt you so much.  They just did what they had to do.  And it just happen to hurt you. (most of the time)

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in,

The THeM went shoe shopping and found some really snazzy looking boats.
Meanwhile, NCSoft executives were waiting for the THeM in a conference room.  It seems that THeM forgot about THeM's meeting.  This set-back might be difficult to make-up.  This isn't the first time that THeM forgot a meeting.
NCSoft executives were quoted, "One more time, then we deal with Sony or Matel."