Aha, "The road so far", sounds like a Supernatual season finale, I can even hear in my head that season finale tune "carry on my wayward soooon ... there'll be peace when you're doooone..."
I'm really sorry for this massive wall of text but I really NEED to let all this weight out once and for all otherwise it'll rot me from head to toes if I keep all this inside for much longer.
For some reason, it makes sense to me to write all this in a foreign language to people I've never met face to face, I feel more, hmmm, I'd say "de-attached" (hope it's a word or at least makes sense) of everything I've been through lately writing it here in English:
Last month was strangely busy, had 4 job interviews after YEARS (I've been unemployed for the last five and a half years) of not even having a job interview and there was the typical mix you can find nowadays in Spain (we're only missing the group job interviews here, but those deserve a cathegory on their own.
Two of them were through temp job allocation offices, they all insisted that they'd let me know anything, even if I wasn't selected, they'd let me know... which gave the the certainty they were lying, like many of them before. Not saying they were lying on purpose, they probably meant they'd contact me even if they had bad news and if you think about it, heck, it's their damn job BUT... this is Spain. Needless to say I've never heard from them again.-
The third interview was very promising, I found myself agreeing with pretty much being said on the interview. Worth noting that I was actually agreeing and not just nodding in robot mode while enthusiasically smiling at the awesome pile of bullshit, ignorance and self publicity that some useless git (usually a boss relative or a hot girl with no further qualification than a stunning rack who makes obvious in the interview which kind of relationship she has and with who, so in case you get contracted, you know who's really the boss) I had to do in pretty much any other job interview in these past five and a half years.
But as I said, this time was different, I was finally agreeing with someone because *gasp* that someone was actually making sense. I was being interviewed for an adminstrative position which involves, placing order, dispatching orders, answer the phone to clients, sort out any paperwork, etc... plus, with my background, they wanted someone that could also lend a hand on the sales task. They also said they wanted to incorporate two people so, despite my best judgement from past experiencies, I let myself get caught in the fantasy that I was going to be offered a job.
Well, I never learn, at least they sent me a graceful email saying that, despite not having been selected, due to the great impression I caused on them, they'd take into consideration for future positions... and that my friends is by far the best I've managed to get for five and a half years. Oh, now I know the exact diference between sad and pathetic, it's not really a thin line, not any more, I see that line so often and so close that it doesn't look thin anymore.-
So, the fouth interview, again for an administrative position, part time (this is important). This time it was hard to find the place and stumbled upon it by sheer chance. It was a tiny warehouse where they had build a couple walls to improvise an office. Everything was greasy, a warehouse full of spare mechanical parts (the company is for renting construction machinery, lifters, etc...) and also full of shit, rubbish, garbage and any synonime you might think of.
The office wasn't in better shape, in fact, at a second glance, it was even filthier. While I was waiting to be interviewed (I had been called one hour earlier to arrange that interview), I saw another guy arriving, he was also to be interviewed at seven pm, same hour as me. Luckily he was civilized enough to recognize I was there first (people don't always respect that) so I got into the office for my interview. A tanned tall guy with sunglasses and unbottoned white shirt introduced himself as the general manager. I think he saw himself one of these greek playboys that appear in some TV spots / TV series. On a closer look, he took away the sunglasses and I could see he had crossed eyes plus, as soon as a sat right in front of him, I had to make a huge effort not to puke because of the smell. See, there are few smells more disgusting than when someone who doesn't shower often enough tries to cover his/her body odour with tons of cologne, and this guy was using cheap cologne by the gallon so I had to slowly try moving my chair towards the window hoping to grasp some air without him realizing or figuring out.
The smell, the filth in the office and in the warehouse, all that became unimportant once he started speaking. I always distrust job interviews where, instead of being asked questions for the intervieweR to know about me (at the end of the day, I'm the one being interviewed) I'm just there listening the greatness of the company (and usually the heroicity of the interviewer). I was in brain mode off but my stand by radar I picked up something, the guy had clearly said "we are looking for someone who doesnt mind doing overtime".
I just realized something was off, see, in this damned country, the few people who have a job are dong more overtime than they've ever done before just because it's cheaper having a worker doing overtime than two workers doing regular hours. There's also a trait in this particular region of Spain, see, office workers don't get paid overtime. The reason for that is that "you cannot compare the work in a production line with the work you do while sitting in a comfy chair, with air conditioning, etc..." so usually office workers timetable is one or two hours longer than factory workers since, ah well, those extra hours are for free anyway BUT (and sorry for derailing) this was not what striked me odd in the interview when stinky wannabe mentioned "we are looking for someone who doesnt mind doing overtime". I realized a couple seconds later that, the interview was for a PART TIME JOB POSITION so, in all my innocence, I mentioned such fact and I was replied "the job is full time plus as I said we expect overtime, on the other hand, the contract and the pay are for a part time job".
Sadly, my first reaction was that, even after that, I'd be lucky if I got the job. Inmediately I realized that it was so really humiliating that I'm unable to wish anyone else to feel such humiliation and I'm known for not liking many many people, all in all my first reaction was to, despite all, hoping to get the job, my second reaction was the full realization of my humiliation and my third reaction was, ok, can't change that, all I can do is make fun of this idiot and have some sort of revenge, some lines should never be crossed.
If you guys were fluent in Spanish, I'd be able to reproduce the conversation in detail and you'd be proud of both my wit to ridiculize the guy without him even realizing as well as you'd be proud of my self control for not standing up and punching his teeth away, anyway, I left and that idiot still thinks I'd sell my mother to get that job, which by the way, I was never offered, I'm not even good enough to be robbed and exploited for what it seems, I mean, I'm not kidding myself, I had been offered the job, I'd have taken it but it was the usual deal "I'lle let you know anything by next week, either if you're chosen for a second interview or not, I'll let you know in any case" and, of course, never heard of him again.
I went back to my usual sinking feeling, see, I forgot how much it hurts being rejected interview after interview. Well, doesn't hurt as much as being contracted with a full job description, wages agreement etc only to discover that the general manager has changed his mind and people avoid me on the phone when I call them, see I was told to call them so they'd tell me which exact day I'd start, but hey, that was a couple years ago.
There's a moment where you know you are actively NOT looking for a job because there's only a certain limit of rejection you can take and you think if you go beyond that limit you'll break... but you cross that limit anyway, and to my own surprise I didn't break, then crossed the line again, again, again until you reach a point where you don't think you'll break if you get more rejection, this time you KNOW PERFECTLY that if you take more rejection, you'll just snap and will lose your sanity (or what is left of it) so, despite needing a job for being 5 and a half years unemployed, you actively do not look for it because you're risking way too much.
I was at that point, had been avoiding any serious job search for a while and when these four interviews came (was very unexpected, suddenly had two appointments for that week and two more for the following one) I thought I could handle it but all I got was a harsh reminder of why I was avoiding job interviews and that's how I've spent the last month, keeping myself busy at home cleaning or re-arranging furniture or jogging because of a sudden interest in my health.
All this keeping busy is not to "avoid" thinking, unfortunately I can't avoid thinking, it helps me keep away from the WORST part on all this process, the people. See, after these almost 6 years, I've found the sad truth, the worse part of being in such a predicament as mine are the people, specially friends and relatives.
See, in a way, it's a "know yourself intimately" kind of trip and now I know I could do things I never thought I'd be able to do. Now I know that I just can show all my contempt and hatred (yes, hatred) by just looking at someone. Well, let me explain, when I say "someone" I just don't mean "anyone" I mean that "someone" name it a friend of mine, a cousin, a relative, someone who is supposed to be appreciative (heck some of them have been in my spot too so they should know how hard it is) and has a job, usually a job ranking from very good to great.
Your friend/relative walks proud smiling left and right, he's got a very good/great job, he's a privileged and he knows it so he favours the less fortunate with his sympathetic smile left and right. I see him/her, I don't need to hang my head low, it has been like that for years. Suddenly his/her radar detcts me and heads towards me at a speed you can only think in the Jaws movie until the inevitable contact:
Him: -Hi
Me: -Hi
Him: -Found a job?
Me: -Nope
Him: -I don't understanfd your problem, you speak English, go abroad, there are jobs abroad and a flight ticket to, let's say UK is only 50 euro, heck, I could lend them to you.
Me (after a ton of mixed feelings and a few murderous thoughts): -Abroad you say, hmmm, I wonder how come I haven't though about it during all this time, plus it's so easy, just 50 euro, I catch a plane and of course, while I'm there and until I find a job, lodging and food etc will be of course included on those 50 euro, right? or is it faster? I mean, I just arrive there and there are people waiting for me at the airport with several job contracts for me to sign the one i like best? I mean, has to be one or the other otherwise it couldn't be as easy as spending 50 euro and catching a plane.
Him: -Oh, all I know is that there are jobs abroad.-
Me: -Okay mate, I'll give your advice the consideration it deserves, see you and I hope you find a 20 euro note on the floor.-
Him: -20 euro? why?
Me: -Because I hope when you bend down to pick it, your skull top falls and you lose that turd you call brain and get it replaced by something useful instead.
You think I was harsh? Well, he's right, I speak English, and Italian, and I'be mentioned a few times I've been unemployed for almost 6 years, OF COURSE I THOUGHT OF MOVING ABROAD and of course I've been doing my research to move to UK or Canada or Dubai or Australia or Singapore or pretty much anywhere but so far, no luck. I'd go on more detail about said research but that would take a whole post even longer than this one.-
NOW THE GOOD NEWS:
On monday, I received an email from the company I described in the third interview (yeah, the ones who made sense). It seems that, at the time they interviewed me, they were just looking for a couple sales administratives but, after speaking to me, they decided to expand the sales operation so, besides a couple sales administratives, they want to incorporate a couple sales managers, well, actually, they want to incorporate yours truly and someone else they'll start looking for once I'm on board. I spoke to them yesterday aaaaaaaaaaaaaand ....
I've finally got a job, I start Monday.
The job, seems good, it's what I've been doing most of my life and what I'm good at, Export Sales Manager, just a different product than tiles but related, plastic trims.-
The wages seem good, a bit on the lowish side but higher than what people are paying nowadays, in any case, not complaining in the slightest, just being descriptive.-
The people seem nice, and it's a small, clean and tidy workplace.-
I know I should be much happier, like being above the moon and all that but I can't help thinking two things are going to happen:
1.- Something good just happened to me, it can't be possible, it's never possible, something very bad is going to happen as compensation.
2.- Three weeks after I start on my new job (it's always three weeks) I'll receive another job offer, usually a bigger company, bigger responibilities and better wages. It happened like that three or four times, always three weeks after I start a new job. I've never left a job I was only 3 weeks in for another and I don't think I'll ever will. If I thought that this time I might accept it thinking that, if I act differently things will go differently will trigger Murphy's Law and I won't receive the three weeks job offer, I guess I'll only receive it if the Karma (or whoever son of a bitch) is sure I will not consider it.-
Anyway, sorry for the rant, wall text and all that. For what is worth, I'm feeling like a ton lighter.
