A Hilarious little COH bit from Undocumented Features.

[Atlantea]

I've pitched Undocumented Features (http://www.eyrie.net/) before as an example of fanfic done on an epic scale and done right. It's not so much a massive crossover as a smorgasbord. A blend of whatever different elements suit the various authors fancies. This a universe that has such diverse things as high-powered superheroes like Supergirl and Iron Man in it, alongside Starfleet Constitution class cruisers and Transformers autobots and giant kaiju monsters and supernatural creatures of all sorts and somehow - SOMEHOW - they make it all fit together SEAMLESSLY.

ANYWAY -

Wanted to share with you a link to one of the WACKIEST stories they've ever published at the fine house of Eyrie. This just came out -

Night of the Kissogram:
http://www.eyrie-productions.com/Forum/dcboard.cgi?az=read_count&om=149&forum=DCForumID24&viewmode=threaded


and this part right here -

"Who dares enter our dressing room unbidden?" he roared, a witchy edge creeping into his stentorian voice. "Know ye, foolish mortals, that ye intrude upon the sanctum of Baron Zoria and his Circle of Horns!"

Then, getting a closer look at the intruder, he blinked, relaxing his furious stance, and said in a much more normal (albeit still booming) voice, "Oh! Aha. Greetings, Gryphon of Avalon."

"What I was sayin' about your Rolodex... " Marceline mumbled.

Arching an eyebrow, Baron Zoria went on, "What be the haps?"

"Oh, the usual," said Gryphon nonchalantly. "Stuck in town for dumb bureaucratic reasons, ran into an old friend, getting chased by vampire hunters... " He went to the couch in the corner of the room and eased Marceline down into one end of it. "There we go..."

Baron Zoria looked more surprised to see her, now that Gryphon wasn't blocking his view of her, than he had been to see him, and his response startled Gryphon in turn: The Baron knelt before her, bowing his head so that it nearly touched her knee.

"Your Majesty," he said. "Welcome. It is long since you favored my humble Circle with your august presence."

Marceline blinked at him, then smiled wearily. "Oh... hey, Simon," she said absently, petting his arcane mitre. "'Sup."

Zoria looked puzzled, then shook it off. "What's wrong?" he asked, but she only managed a vague "ask somebody else" gesture and seemed to doze off. The Baron rose to his feet and turned his questioning look to Gryphon.

"The guys who are after her had some pretty advanced equipment," Gryphon explained. "They ambushed us at Coffee Kingdom. By the time we were able to get clear, they'd had a sun lamp on her for the better part of a minute, and then one of them managed to stake her with a crossbow on our way out. She's pretty well tapped out, and I'm no help. My blood... wouldn't agree with her." He looked around. "Is there another way out of here? They were right behind us when we came into this building. I locked the fire door, but that won't hold them forever."

"First things first," Zoria replied. Turning to his raptly attentive bandsmen, he pointed to one and said in a commanding tone, "Tomaak. You will aid the Vampire Queen."

The robed figure he had addressed knelt and said, "While my loyalty is both eternal and unwavering, I am compelled by my own oaths to survive and serve you to ask: Why me, my Baron?"

"Because you're perfect," the Baron replied without missing a beat.

Tomaak bowed his head. "Understood, my Baron," he said, then rose and went to Marceline's side. 

 - is about when I COMPLETELY LOST MY pancake and damn near laughed myself into an oxygen deprived coma!

And it all winds up with -

They took to the stage - a dozen mystic-robed jazz wizards, the queen of vampires, and an immortal who was reasonably sure this was the wackiest birthday he'd had in at least a century - to find the club, a medium-sized establishment whose front of house was in better repair than the backstage spaces, still crowded and buzzing even at this late hour. The five black-clad hunters didn't escape their notice, scattered around the room and covering all the obvious exits. They were making some of the patrons a bit nervous, but in this setting - unlike out on the street in front of Coffee Kingdom - they seemed less inclined to start outright freaking the mundanes. Maybe someone up their chain of command had given them a bollocking for that phase of the operation.

Whichever, they reacted with visible consternation when their target took the stage along with the Circle of Horns and the man they'd encountered her with at Coffee Kingdom. Without any introduction or comment at all, the band launched into a high-energy instrumental, featuring the vampire on bass guitar and her henchman, a bright red electric slung on his back, working the keys of the club's battered but game old Hammond B3 organ.

/* The Blues Brothers Band
"I Can't Turn You Loose"
Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) */

Simply. EPIC.

[Atlantea]

What? Over 50 views and no comments? Were you all just THAT gobsmacked?

[Zekiran]

Well, honestly without knowing who any of the other characters are (is the vampire from that one horrible looking cartoon I won't watch and has tons of fans?) it's a bit lackluster. I think... you might have had to be there. It's a cute homage, but that's about it for me.

[SerialBeggar]

I get the "Circle of Horns" reference (maybe, if it was COH related), but other than that... swoosh, over my head .

[Atlantea]

Okay. Just for the record - the specific bits being riffed on in this scene include -

"Baron Zoria and his Circle of Horns!"  EDIT: Here's the author explaining things: ...the mental image of Baron Zoria & his Circle of Horns, ancient wizardy horn section for hire, sprang fully formed into my head as the result of a typo in a City of Heroes mission briefing, in which the contact cautioned the hero to beware of them. I instantly pictured them as a sort of Seat Belts/Diligent Circle of Ekoda-style rock/jazz/blues horn section, still styled exactly like the Circle of Thorns, but mystically obsessed with hot licks and cool jams instead of world domination.

"Because you're perfect." -  Buckaroo Banzai - the bit with "Perfect Tommy".

Marceline The Vampire Queen - One of the main characters from "Adventure Time".

The hunters are loosely based on Malta - just using tech cribbed from Ghostbusters - but the last scenario in the Nightclub has them shifting into the role of the State Troopers from "The Blues Brothers" (the night club scene). So they're kind of a 3-way mish-mash of elements.

And yeah - there's a little bit of context needed to really get the full effect of the humor, but I figured the "Circle of Horns" bit was hilarious all on its own, especially to us COH fans. And I figured people would get enough of the other references to get the humor - or at least to be curious enough to check out the fanfic if that's their thing.

Incidentally - the intent with the characters - particularly Marceline - is not to impose the mental imagery from their respective source material 100%. This is not meant as a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit kind of thing with live action and "toons". If it helps, imagine all the characters in a sort of semi-realistic "anime" artstyle.

I think a big chunk of the fun (at least for me) in Undocumented Features is the "spot the reference" game. Most of the time, it's pretty obvious and the theme is consistent. But occasionally the authors will throw in a little curve ball like that "Perfect Tommy" bit above out of left field and for some reason for me, a lot of the time, that's just intensely funny when the paradigm is poked like that.

[Captain Electric]

Well I probably shouldn't have read this after spending the day and night running errands and other things in the sweltering, stuffy Texas heat--although some of the references would have been lost on me anyway. Even though it doesn't split my sides personally, I love the fact that someone dropped a Circle of Thorn reference in some comedy. City of Heroes reached a kind of cult status in the industry (among both fans and developers) that most online games will never be able to match with their streamlined, perfectly planned, demographically safe, zero risk game worlds. I want to see these types of nods out there. The game deserves it. If you're a writer or other entertainer and you're reading this right now, keep City of Heroes in mind. Classics shouldn't be forgotten just because they're no longer being published.

This kind of reminds me of the time on--I think it was Red Dwarf--one of the characters corrected a shipmate who had just lectured him about there being a certain number of virtues in life; he corrected him by saying, "I beg your pardon, sir--but there are eight virtues, sir."

If you get that, then you win nerd points. 

[Captain Electric]

And I just want to add, I loved the whole story behind the Circle of Thorns. I always considered them one of the most interesting villain groups in the game, and I always wanted to write some arcs that took characters back in time to their ancient civilization(s). I had a character who had been locked in a crystal for ages while his body was magically preserved, until he was released in the modern era. He only spoke in an old, dead language but for some reason other players loved to have him along and had fun learning how to communicate with him. He was an Oranbegan before Oranbega lost its way.

[Fireheart]

I've read Undocumented Features before and definitely enjoy the stories.  When it's good, it's very very good, and when it's not-so-good, it's a drunken orgy of Sci-Fi, Manga, Anime, and Comics.  Where else can you find a nuclear-turbine-powered Mustang?

Be Well!
Fireheart