Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

Tubbius · December 19, 2016, 05:42:03 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on December 16, 2016, 03:40:16 AM
This just in,

The talks have completely fallen apart. NCSoft insistes that they have control over the game, and the THeM insistes that NCSoft not have the power to pull-the-plug on the game ever again. This after weeks-months-years of talks about price, and data, and marketing ownership. This last hurdle is insurmountable. City of Heroes is no more.

Pysch!

Not even funny, bro. :(

I miss City. It would be a great Christmas present if folks could say that the game would be coming back for certain.

Taceus Jiwede · December 19, 2016, 07:25:55 AM

Perhaps these pictures of animals getting stuck in places will help cheer you up. These aren't my animals BTW. But nothing like google searching images of cute animals stuck in places to cheer you up.

https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck9.jpg

https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck6.jpg

https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn77.sadanduseless.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2Fstuck10.jpg

Paragon Avenger · December 20, 2016, 02:34:48 AM

I'm cheered up.

crashpositron · December 21, 2016, 02:29:17 AM

The first cat is obviously in-bread!

Paragon Avenger · December 21, 2016, 03:50:07 AM

This Just IN,

Nothing has changed since the last officail update 2 years ago when they told us to stop asking and do Paragon Chat.

Nah, it's funnier to say something like:
Some brillant computer programmer, not CodeWalker, has setup a private server, not CodeWalker, for City of Heroes. It is by invitation only, however, those on the titan forums, including CodeWalker, are welcome. The URL is:
www.CityofHeroes.org/Not/CodeWalker

Paragon Avenger · December 23, 2016, 07:41:59 AM

Quote from: Tubbius on December 19, 2016, 05:42:03 AM
Not even funny, bro. :(

Hey I said, 'Psych'.

Tubbius · December 23, 2016, 05:28:18 PM

True. Granted, I haven't heard "Psych!" since the 1980s. :D

Paragon Avenger · December 28, 2016, 06:21:53 AM

Quote from: Tubbius on December 23, 2016, 05:28:18 PM
True. Granted, I haven't heard "Psych!" since the 1980s. :D

Would you rather I use, 'Not!'?

Paragon Avenger · December 28, 2016, 06:25:49 AM

Greetings City of Players and you wannabe's and that guy,

The universe has sent me a message, the game City of Heroes will come back in 2017. Don't get too excited, the universe kept calling me Jane, so I think that there might have been a wrong number or something. And besides, do I look like an ignorant slut? I went to college after all.

Tahquitz · December 28, 2016, 08:05:36 PM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2016, 06:25:49 AM
Greetings City of Players and you wannabe's and that guy,

The universe has sent me a message, the game City of Heroes will come back in 2017. Don't get too excited, the universe kept calling me Jane, so I think that there might have been a wrong number or something. And besides, do I look like an ignorant slut? I went to college after all.

Dan Aykroyd is God? Pardon me... Gahd? (Had to modify to fit the midwestern/Canadian dialect.)

That would explain a lot actually... particularly, why "Soul Man" lasted two seasons on ABC.

Tubbius · December 29, 2016, 07:18:23 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on December 28, 2016, 06:21:53 AM
Would you rather I use, 'Not!'?

In the first episode of the 1990s X-Men cartoon, Cyclops makes a "Not!" joke right before he nukes a Sentinel. Talk about dating a tv show. . . .

Paragon Avenger · December 30, 2016, 08:31:10 AM

Breaking News,
This just in,
And other cliche',

NCSoft and the THeM have reached an agreement. City of Heroes will be re-branded as Clash of Comquats! Play will be exactly as it was with City of Heroes, only comquats will play a more important role. A spokesman said, "Comquats never were fully integrated into the original game. This new game will feature them front and center." When asked about the issue number, this reporter was told, "Comquats". When asked about the incarnate system, this reported was told that they will wait and see. When asked about free-to-play, this reported was again told, "Comquats". When asked about player data, "Comquats"!

And just for Tubbius, "As if"

Paragon Avenger · January 08, 2017, 06:25:55 PM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on December 21, 2016, 03:50:07 AM
This Just IN,

Nothing has changed since the last officail update 2 years ago when they told us to stop asking and do Paragon Chat.

Nah, it's funnier to say something like:
Some brillant computer programmer, not CodeWalker, has setup a private server, not CodeWalker, for City of Heroes. It is by invitation only, however, those on the titan forums, including CodeWalker, are welcome. The URL is:
www.CityofHeroes.org/Not/CodeWalker

They have changed the web address to:
www.CityofHeroes.org/?CodeWalker='not'

Paragon Avenger · January 12, 2017, 05:36:44 AM

This just in,

Iron Wolf has not been heard from or seen in weeks.
We can only concluded that he has been abducted by aliens.
Yup, illegal aliens smuggling drugs into our country and planning another 9-11.
Now they have started kidnapping U.S. American citizens off the street!
Poor Iron Wolf, cut down in his prime.
What can I do to curb the tide of illegals you might ask.
Well, starting Friday, let's all show our support for Iron Wolf's safe return by boycotting Taco Bell.
This is the only way to take back our country.

Whatever.

Paragon Avenger · January 19, 2017, 04:10:07 AM

News Flash,

It was learned today that the reason NCSoft has yet to release the game City of Heroes is that the imagine they took of the game to protect their IP has been servely damaged in handling. The only thing left was the ToHit Buffs and the Status DeBuffs. NCSoft released a statement saying that they still hold the copyright on the way the game looked and the way players and powers were designed. The actual code as to how enhancement slotted worked maybe lost, but the fact that City of Heroes had a system of slotting enhancements is still under protection.
The lawyers will battle over that one, but as far as the THeM are concerned, they's barking up the wrong tree.

ToHit Buffs and Status DeBuffs are something, right?

Paragon Avenger · January 23, 2017, 04:50:54 AM

This just in,

Iron Wolf and CodeWalker have teamed-up to create a new game exactly like City of Heroes, but completely different for legal reasons. It's called City of Heroz. Yes, apparently, by speeling the name diffirent, they can re-launch a game clone with minor changes. Ms. Liberty, for example, is now Ms. Livery. Positron is Negatron. Lord Recluse is Capt. Recluse. Manitcore is MontySore. Back-Alley Brawler is Side-Street Brawler. Emperor Cole is now Nat King Cole, is that right? And Statesman is Steaksman. And there are lots more to prove to it is original IP and not a rip-off of anybody else's IP.

Paragon Avenger · February 01, 2017, 04:04:51 AM

Just this in,

Several insiders have contacted our offices with scraps and bits of information concerning City of Heroes. We enlisted a team of experts to help us coorelate and decypher all the information gathered thus far. We have reached several concludions. First, yes, Virgian, there was a game called City of Heroes. Second, sadly the game was shut down. Third, it was Col. Mustard in the library with the lead pipe.

More later

Tahquitz · February 02, 2017, 01:21:43 AM

Paragon Avenger, congrats on your 5,000th post. Truly an accomplishment. :D

Paragon Avenger · February 03, 2017, 03:10:06 AM

Quote from: Tahquitz on February 02, 2017, 01:21:43 AM
Paragon Avenger, congrats on your 5,000th post. Truly an accomplishment. :D

Thanx, Tah.
I'm still waiting for my gold watch from Simple Machines in acknowledgement of this momentous occasion.
At least I could get another triangle or something.

Paragon Avenger · February 05, 2017, 06:28:44 PM

It is time for ...
The Pantless Avenger Report!

This just in,
The game City of Heroes has been stolen by a person or persons unknown. The game is being held for a curious ransom. The note left by the game-nappers instructs the authorities to place one penny on the first square of a normal 64 square chess board. In each square, the amount is to be doubled. The political powers involved are arguing over which square is the first and how they should proceed from that square, either hortizonal or vertical. Meanwhile, mathematicians are trying to tell them that the final total will be an impossible amount of money for any company or government to pay. It's only (2^64 - 1) / 100 dollars.