Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

Brighellac · April 03, 2015, 05:45:34 AM

This just in,

Only areas of disk image not corrupt are atlas park and mercy island

Strangely atlas entertainment and all its missions survived

Paragon Avenger · April 06, 2015, 01:25:39 AM

This just in,

The proof of developer viability was accepted. The NCSoft experts poured over the documentation and the various code examples and organizational diagrams.
The decision:
NCSoft has announced the release of a brand new game, "Hero City".
Which strangely resembles the code submitted by TheM.

Paragon Avenger · April 07, 2015, 01:49:37 AM

This just in,

One of the TheM somehow has a video of an NCSoft executive in a compromizing situation, at least that is what the post-edited video shows.
Looks like getting City of Heroes back is in the bag.

Floride · April 08, 2015, 05:27:36 PM

This just in...

Sources close to NCSoft have admitted (off the record) that the reason they had to shut down the game was because they sold it to Microsoft. Sources close to Microsoft were unaware they owned it and will be busy looking for the paperwork until 2025.

Paragon Avenger · April 09, 2015, 12:58:53 AM

Quote from: Floride on April 08, 2015, 05:27:36 PM
This just in...

Sources close to NCSoft have admitted (off the record) that the reason they had to shut down the game was because they sold it to Microsoft. Sources close to Microsoft were unaware they owned it and will be busy looking for the paperwork until 2025.

As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game. They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog. The popup characters will help users be more productive. The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.

Paragon Avenger · April 09, 2015, 04:30:21 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 07, 2015, 01:49:37 AM
This just in,

One of the TheM somehow has a video of an NCSoft executive in a compromizing situation, at least that is what the post-edited video shows.
Looks like getting City of Heroes back is in the bag.

It turns out that the video is slightly better quality than those "Big Foot" videos. There is no way that anyone could recognize the guy licking the police car.

Paragon Avenger · April 11, 2015, 02:39:08 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 09, 2015, 04:30:21 AM
It turns out that the video is slightly better quality than those "Big Foot" videos. There is no way that anyone could recognize the guy licking the police car.

This just in,

The THeM has informed this reporter that they have documentary evidence that could positively prove the identity of the man in the video who is seen licking a police car.

If tjis is true, TheM can blackmail NCSoft into giving us City of Heroes.

Floride · April 12, 2015, 02:08:33 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 09, 2015, 12:58:53 AM
As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game. They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog. The popup characters will help users be more productive. The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.

Laughed Out Loud, Nice!

Paragon Avenger · April 12, 2015, 05:34:34 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 09, 2015, 12:58:53 AM
As an update ...

Microsoft found the paperwork and it turns out that they are stuck with the game. They thought that they were buying mobile technology to kill the iPhone.
Windows 10 will feature helpful popup characters, like clippy, Enstein and that stupid dog. The popup characters will help users be more productive. The popup characters are rumored to look like City of Heroes trainers.

Imagine that you're frantically working on a spreadsheet when tiny Ms. Liberty appears in the lower right hand side of your screen. She taps the inside of the screen like she is behind the glass, and says, "You're doing well."

Joshex · April 13, 2015, 08:20:00 AM

this just in today the president of NCSoft woke up and asked for curly cheese fries, similar to the concept of groundhog day, if the president should ask for curly cheese fries it's to be considered a good omen to all projects and negotiations, mostly because eating them makes him happy which makes him more agreeable.

Floride · April 14, 2015, 05:41:07 AM

Quote from: Joshex on April 13, 2015, 08:20:00 AM
this just in today the president of NCSoft woke up and asked for curly cheese fries, similar to the concept of groundhog day, if the president should ask for curly cheese fries it's to be considered a good omen to all projects and negotiations, mostly because eating them makes him happy which makes him more agreeable.

Update...
Fans of the has-been game City of Heroes, in an attempt to show NCSoft how much they want their game back, collectively sent 29 million metric tons of cheese fries to the South Korean developer's home office. No word yet on whether the game is set for relaunch, but South Korea is experiencing unprecedented growth of rat populations in select commercial areas.

Baaleos · April 14, 2015, 02:33:02 PM

News just in

A New Orleans cult has been discovered which requires its members to wear nothing but capes. The cult came to prominence in February 2015 when one member of said cult was arrested for public indecency while venturing outside of the complex the cult operate from in search of soft drinks.
Our news company attempted to get close to the complex but were greeted at the perimeter of the property by a 'make shift' security force, all of whom had cardboard spider legs attached to their backs.

Authorities have indicated that no reports of crimes have been made, besides the indecency charge which is being treated as a separate matter against an individual, as such - the police will not be investigating the cult or their property until such a time when evidence of a crime has been reported.

Paragon Avenger · April 15, 2015, 03:46:17 AM

This just in,

It was learned, today, the identities of a few of the developers working for the THeM.

The lead developer is Dilbert.
The senior developer is Wally.
The principle developer is Alice.

The lead developer is overly cynical and believes that CoH will never be relaunched.
The senior developer contributes to the project by drinking coffee and deflecting work onto others.
The principle developer will interface with the THem team, decide that they are all a bunch of morons and end up alinating the subject matter experts.

Joshex · April 15, 2015, 06:47:09 PM

Quote from: Floride on April 14, 2015, 05:41:07 AM
Update...
Fans of the has-been game City of Heroes, in an attempt to show NCSoft how much they want their game back, collectively sent 29 million metric tons of cheese fries to the South Korean developer's home office. No word yet on whether the game is set for relaunch, but South Korea is experiencing unprecedented growth of rat populations in select commercial areas.

Update..

Today the rat population mysteriously disappeared and... OH GOD THE CHEESE FRIES ARE ALIVE, THEYRE EATING EVERYTHING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Newspaper headline; Cheese fries revenge, the story of fast food that fights back!

Inc42 · April 15, 2015, 07:49:07 PM

Quote from: Baaleos on April 14, 2015, 02:33:02 PM
News just in

A New Orleans cult has been discovered which requires its members to wear nothing but capes. The cult came to prominence in February 2015 when one member of said cult was arrested for public indecency while venturing outside of the complex the cult operate from in search of soft drinks.
Our news company attempted to get close to the complex but were greeted at the perimeter of the property by a 'make shift' security force, all of whom had cardboard spider legs attached to their backs.

Authorities have indicated that no reports of crimes have been made, besides the indecency charge which is being treated as a separate matter against an individual, as such - the police will not be investigating the cult or their property until such a time when evidence of a crime has been reported.

Update...
An usual link has been found between the New Orleans cult and a man recently arrested for a string of attacks on nearby zoos. When question the man claimed to have been a new recruit to the cult, referred to by senior members as a "newbie" and was attempting to perform a ritual to earn his cape. Having misunderstood the directions the man was under the impression that he was to "Defeat 30 Zoos". More updates on the situation as it unfolds.

Paragon Avenger · April 16, 2015, 05:43:22 AM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 11, 2015, 02:39:08 AM
This just in,

The THeM has informed this reporter that they have documentary evidence that could positively prove the identity of the man in the video who is seen licking a police car.

If this is true, TheM can blackmail NCSoft into giving us City of Heroes.

As it would turn out,
The documentory evidence was a note written in green crayon that reads, "That guy is an NCSoft exec."
I'm not a lawyer, but I have my suspicions that that might not hold up in court.

Joshex · April 16, 2015, 04:19:52 PM

Today NCSoft announced the opening of a new subsidiary branch called Tfoscn. They stated that the company was designed to run all of it's sunset games as self-sustaining servers.

when asked why we can't log-in to the games yet, they directed me to the president of Tfoscn; a former CoX junkie called Lag and his subordinate Disconnect.

I have yet to receive a reply from either of them.

Paragon Avenger · April 18, 2015, 04:02:15 AM

This just in,

NCSoft has decided to reverse it's earlier action and re-open City of Heroes.
They have announced that the timeline for the re-launch will put the grand re-opening roughly a week after each of the successor projects launch.

Paragon Avenger · April 19, 2015, 03:03:02 AM

Newsflash,

NCSoft announced that they will be shutting down World of Warcraft and Champions On-line.
When asked how this was possible, NCSoft replied that they make their living by shutting down viable games.

Floride · April 20, 2015, 03:16:08 PM

Quote from: Paragon Avenger on April 19, 2015, 03:03:02 AM
Newsflash,

NCSoft announced that they will be shutting down World of Warcraft and Champions On-line.
When asked how this was possible, NCSoft replied that they make their living by shutting down viable games.

This just in...
Wizards of the Coast has announced it has no idea how Magic The Gathering Online was all of the sudden Shut Down. Authorities are investigating and suspect it to be a Nemesis plot.