Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

[Eoraptor]

Today the President announced plan to normalize relations with Paragon City, Mass. The plan includes opening of an Embassy in City Hall, easing of trade embargoes against the ports, and relaxation of travel-powers restriction. Republican Senators immediately responded, denouncing the Presidents plan as caving to socialist interests and giving away valuable negotiating power and paragon points in a vainglorious attempt to earn Influence. They have vowed to withhold funding for the embassy and block the appointment of the White House's contact there.

[Sugoi]

Meanwhile, an undercover reporter located in the Rogue Isles has noted that several high-ranking Democratic Party Leaders have been seen meeting with the self-styled Lord Recluse in an obvious effort to have him assist their efforts, political and otherwise throughout the country.

[Joshex]

Troll Science time.

Are you missing city of heroes? yep.

Don't worry Troll Science has the solution to your problems!

First thing you will need is a time machine, steal/borrow some magnets for faster acquisition as all time machines have mostly metal components. if the time machine is owned by someone else steal/borrow it as well.

if you are still having trouble finding a time machine, just steal get a really @#$%ing big electro magnet and like orbit the earth till all things metal go to it, then sift through for the really funny looking thing with lots of mechanical parts and a whole bunch of date controls.

Next, set the time machine to before NCSoft gained ownership of CoH, back when cryptic wasn't considering a deal from NCSoft.

Now gather together the Paragon Studios team that isn't already part of cryptic and offer them work in a company called paragon studios that is your own DBA.

Approach Cryptic with a deal for the IP stressing that certain of their members stay on as part of the team.

When NCSoft approaches, give them a New York hello with the help of a little bird, using both hands if necessary.

lastly let history take it's course minus NCSoft. You gain mass monies, NCSoft is jelly, NCSoft doesn't get teh monies and doesn't have enough money to start/buy other games, NCSoft goes bankrupt. Gumgum is jelly that he didn't think of it.

[Paragon Avenger]

Oh man, the factory that would have manufactured time machines will have been destroyed by a careless time traveler, again.

If only.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that the relaunch of the popular MMORPG CoX is scheduled for 2015.  And that the game had been shuttered through a huge misunderstanding involving cheese.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that the relaunch of the popular MMORPG CoX is scheduled for 2015.  And that the game had been shuttered through a huge misunderstanding involving cheese.

I really crack myself up.

[Paragon Avenger]

Nabisco announced today that they have purchased City of Heroes from NCSoft.

The major change will be that the Longbow replaced with elves.

[Safehouse]

Nabisco announced today that they have purchased City of Heroes from NCSoft.

The major change will be that the Longbow replaced with elves.

Clarification on the update:

It seems that there was some confusion as to the kind of elves Nabisco will be using in their reboot of the game. Some have claimed that there will be a bunch of elves like those from Lord of the Rings running around Paragon City and the Rogue Isles. In a statement this morning, Nabisco's President and CEO said:

"We assure you that there will be no alternative versions of Legolas in the game. Upon startup, City of Heroes will be running with the miniature cookie-baking elves you have come to know and love over the years. The Longbow bases will also be turned into trees."

[Safehouse]

I just realized, those elves are a part of Keebler, not Nabisco. Forgive my incorrectness... unless Keebler is a part of Nabisco, in which case I take back my apology.

[Paragon Avenger]

It was learned today that the team negotiating the purchase of City of Heroes is made up of notorious motor-mouthed chatterboxes.
This explains why they are still in talks.  They won't shut up.

[Acanous]

actually heard that NC has the deal signed. Not sure how trustworthy the source is, so putting this here :D

[Ohioknight]

The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
;D

[Ankhammon]

The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
;D

You've seen my nightmares?

[Eoraptor]

The good news is that some user data will be available in the revived game.

The bad news is that the only data will be the list of taken names,
so any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
;D

Ach don't even joke

[Ohioknight]

Ach don't even joke

Man, just imagine how convoluted the character names would have to be...

[Paragon Avenger]

Actually, that could be possible.
The unique names file was probably kept separate from the rest of the game.
And they might have checked it for copyright violations.

[Pengy]

any character name that was used in the original game will not be playable
;D

Dibs on gNh0h5MSdW9y-a

[Paragon Avenger]

Don't sweat not having your old names available.
Just add a 7 to the end of whatever name you want and you'll be fine.

The Paragon Comptroller7
works for me.

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in ...
The City of Heroes IP has been stolen by North Korean hackers.
They what all of South Korean for it.

If only Harry S. Truman were president.

[Paragon Avenger]

Additional news about the City of Heroes hack ...

The North Korean hackers have released previews of the game on various websites.  They have also released several details related to the game.  For instance:
Lord Recluse's gym locker's combination,
Ms. Liberty's shoe size,
and Positron's favorite color.

More as this earth shattering story unfolds.