Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

Started by Shifter, August 16, 2014, 02:23:41 PM

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Balince

#60
October 04, 2014, 03:52:49 AM
First time I decided to check this thread and quickly realized that I hate it, lol.

Paragon Avenger

#61
October 07, 2014, 01:43:15 AM
Quote from: Balince on October 04, 2014, 03:52:49 AM
First time I decided to check this thread and quickly realized that I hate it, lol.

You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.

Angel Phoenix77

#62
October 07, 2014, 02:33:15 AM
Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on October 07, 2014, 01:43:15 AM
You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.
To further expand on this, after the crash the players will only use punch when confronting one another or a npc. Swear words are highly recommended. :D
One day the Phoenix will rise again.

Cailyn Alaynn

#63
October 07, 2014, 03:48:44 PM
Quote from: Angel Phoenix77 on October 07, 2014, 02:33:15 AM
To further expand on this, after the crash the players will only use punch when confronting one another or a npc. Swear words are highly recommended. :D

Any hero caught punching civies after a car wreck will be arrested by Longbow, and made to server community service by sweeping the sidewalks of Atlas Park with a very shoddy broom.
"Let's get dangerous..."
Lead Developer and Master of Mischief - Revival Project.
Revival website: APR.Pc-Logix.com

FloatingFatMan

#64
October 07, 2014, 03:57:22 PM
Quote from: Irish_Girl on October 07, 2014, 03:48:44 PM
Any hero caught punching civies after a car wreck will be arrested by Longbow, and made to server community service by sweeping the sidewalks of Atlas Park with a very shoddy broom.

Whilst wearing bright pink coveralls, and a fez.

Eoraptor

#65
October 08, 2014, 02:32:54 AM
Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on October 07, 2014, 01:43:15 AM
You sort of love to hate it.  It's like watching a car wreck.

Speaking of which, CoH2 will have a vehicle travel power, but yes, random collisions at regular intervals.
the vehicle travel power mechanics will also be based on the Mako physics from Mass Effect 1
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Aleksandros

#66
October 08, 2014, 01:55:56 PM
Quote
Whilst wearing bright pink coveralls, and a fez.

Absolutely not - fezzes are cool, no fezzes.  Or bow ties.  They should be wearing a propeller beanie!

Cailyn Alaynn

#67
October 08, 2014, 02:33:28 PM
Revival: Issue 2 will bring full, open world PvP to the game. In addition, the music for the game has been re-scored by fictional heavy metal band Deathklok.
"Let's get dangerous..."
Lead Developer and Master of Mischief - Revival Project.
Revival website: APR.Pc-Logix.com

Rejolt

#68
October 08, 2014, 08:54:34 PM
Quote from: Irish_Girl on October 08, 2014, 02:33:28 PM
Revival: Issue 2 will bring full, open world PvP to the game. In addition, the music for the game has been re-scored by fictional heavy metal band Deathklok.

"Hoorb!"

/guitar bash-decapitation

"Ho-" /bounce "-or-" /skid "-b" /thud
Rejolt Industries LLC is now a thing. Woo!

Power Gamer

#69
October 09, 2014, 12:26:01 AM
News Flash!

In bizarre twist during negotiations, NCSoft announced that it has buried all remaining data, servers and physical resources in a large 'techno' grave just outside its main offices.

A marker was erected to the now defunct CoX, commemorating its accomplishments in the form of a statue of the Prussian Prince of Automatons.

When asked about the move, the NCSoft representative only remarked "It's a Nemesis plot."
It takes a village to raise a child. And it takes a villain to explain the value of lunch money.

-Random CoHer: "Why does the sky turn green during Rikti invasions?"
-Me:"Rikti Monkey farts"
-Random CoHer: "I'm going to you for all my questions from now on!"

watsok

#70
October 09, 2014, 03:43:59 AM
Hewlett Packard ( HP) has announced they are splitting the company into two individual companies.

The new names will be Company H, (COH), and company P on Carly Fiorina.

COH is expected to make a remarkable recovery after the separation. No one is forecasted to care for P or Fiorina any longer. 

Paragon Avenger

#71
October 09, 2014, 05:11:50 AM
Quote from: Power_Gamer on October 09, 2014, 12:26:01 AM
News Flash!

In bizarre twist during negotiations, NCSoft announced that it has buried all remaining data, servers and physical resources in a large 'techno' grave just outside its main offices.

A marker was erected to the now defunct CoX, commemorating its accomplishments in the form of a statue of the Prussian Prince of Automatons.

When asked about the move, the NCSoft representative only remarked "It's a Nemesis plot."

You know there is a law against bad puns.  The punishment for said offense is similar to that outlined above for punching civies.

Well, there ought to be.

Power Gamer

#72
October 09, 2014, 05:33:33 AM
Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on October 09, 2014, 05:11:50 AM
You know there is a law against bad puns.  The punishment for said offense is similar to that outlined above for punching civies.

Well, there ought to be.

You're welcome!
It takes a village to raise a child. And it takes a villain to explain the value of lunch money.

-Random CoHer: "Why does the sky turn green during Rikti invasions?"
-Me:"Rikti Monkey farts"
-Random CoHer: "I'm going to you for all my questions from now on!"

Ryo Kinsaru

#73
October 09, 2014, 09:40:37 AM
Quote from: Aleksandros on October 08, 2014, 01:55:56 PM
Absolutely not - fezzes are cool, no fezzes.  Or bow ties.  They should be wearing a propeller beanie!

Oh no, you did NOT just bash on my spinny-hats!!! Ooooh, I will find you, and I will feed you one, and I will make you dance around Atlas Park wearing a tutu and yelling, "I'm a pretty princess!". All of this will happen as soon as SpongeBob goes off or the game is back up, whichever comes first.

P.S. - So as not to appear sexist, if you are a lady I will tattoo a moustache on your upper lip and you will henceforth be known as Earl the Squirrel.
I can't think of anything clever to place here as I am currently over-caffeinated on very little sleep. All the cool people have a signature, so I will drop random text here trying to fit in.

Aleksandros

#74
October 09, 2014, 02:23:18 PM
Hrm... I may do that regardless, just at sheer joy of being back in Atlas Park!  No hate for the spinny hats - perhaps dress them as Sontarans and make them wear an "I <3 Idaho" T-shirt?

Cailyn Alaynn

#75
October 10, 2014, 04:17:39 AM
Quote from: Aleksandros on October 09, 2014, 02:23:18 PM
Hrm... I may do that regardless, just at sheer joy of being back in Atlas Park!  No hate for the spinny hats - perhaps dress them as Sontarans and make them wear an "I <3 Idaho" T-shirt?
Ha! Potatoes! xD

NCSoft announces the return of Superhero MMO "City of Heroes", however for some reason NCSoft programmers can't figure out... the chat system is completely missing. Lead Programer, Steve Steverson, is quoted as saying "We don't know what happened. We're sifting through the code base now... But 3 of our team have quit from work related headaches so far. Don't expect a fix any time soon...".
"Let's get dangerous..."
Lead Developer and Master of Mischief - Revival Project.
Revival website: APR.Pc-Logix.com

Paragon Avenger

#76
October 11, 2014, 01:22:38 AM
News flash ...
The THeM team announced today that they still can't find the NCSoft headquarters building.  Tony or that other guy said, "We've been driving around for hours and due to construction and the language differences we're [grapefruit] lost!"

Task Force Hail Mary's name has been changed to Exploring South Korea.
(We hope it's South).

Feign

#77
October 12, 2014, 08:56:37 PM
Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on October 11, 2014, 01:22:38 AMThe THeM team announced today that they still can't find the NCSoft headquarters building.
...Well there's their problem!  They need to look for the Nexion building, they sold off the NC headquarters to pay for more browser-based slot machine development like, a year ago.

I kinda do hope I'm kidding. But a tiny evil little part of me hopes I'm not.

Nyx Nought Nothing

#78
October 13, 2014, 10:35:44 PM
Quote from: Irish_Girl on October 10, 2014, 04:17:39 AM
Ha! Potatoes! xD

NCSoft announces the return of Superhero MMO "City of Heroes", however for some reason NCSoft programmers can't figure out... the chat system is completely missing. Lead Programer, Steve Steverson, is quoted as saying "We don't know what happened. We're sifting through the code base now... But 3 of our team have quit from work related headaches so far. Don't expect a fix any time soon...".
NCsoft is now in negotiations with Bungie to rebrand the chatless CoH as Destiny of Heroes and Villains.
So far so good. Onward and upward!

Paragon Avenger

#79
October 14, 2014, 12:38:07 AM
News flash,
To counter the missing chat system, all players will have access to the alphabet emote.
So /em A will result in your toon holding a cardboard sign with the letter A on it.
PC Gaming Online heralded this workaround as nothing short of brilliant.

There still isn't a good workaround for the missing pants costume files.
The two ideas on the table are, extend the height of the boots or unlock skirts for male and huge toons.  Neither idea has been approved.
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