Wretch Strike Force

[Steelclaw]

I guess I can release this now that any possibility of it actually happening has been shot down by a Korean surface to air missile.

Dark Respite/Samuraiko/Michelle/She Who Must Not Be Named and I were working on a project together.  I had made a script for something called the Wretch Strike Force and also provided my voice for one of the characters.  Michelle was going to do the demo editing and video creation process. Unfortunately, Michelle's video-altitis and real world commitments delayed the creation of it until it was too late. 

I'm not upset about that; this is what happens when you work with creative geniuses.  (Her, not me.)

So, I now release from the archives the original e-mail I sent Michelle which includes the script, character ideas and my input.  Try to read it while imagining the pure visual perfection Michelle would have created...




The Wretch Strike Force

Okay, here's the Wretch Strike Force script I promised you. 

Few things first.

1)   I've never really written a script before so I've decided to just do the dialog and leave the majority of the action/emotes/scene settings/etc to you.  You are the expert there and I bow humbly to your wisdom.
2)   It is most likely MUCH longer than what you had in mind.  Unfortunately, I tend to be long winded and write books rather than short stories.  Feel free to edit judiciously down to your vision.  Or, you could succumb to the dark side and just make a longer video.  Either way is fine for me.
3)   I like lists.  Have I ever mentioned how much I like lists?  Lists are fun.
4)   I am not sure how the audio portion of his will work.  If it's not too complicated for a duffer like me to understand, I would LOVE to do the voices of Steelclaw (yeah, I included myself in the script) and the Gluteus Of Wisdom character.  I willingly release this request if the logistics of it are simply too difficult.

Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to work with you!  It is an honor and a privilege.  Review the script and let me know what you think and what changes are necessary.


Many Thanks,

~Steelclaw


Strike Force Members:

Endemic Generic – Brute – Hasn't had an original thought in decades; he copies existing (and copywritten) characters and plays them in-game.  Even his dialogue is just bits and pieces from movies and pop culture.  Appearance Suggestion: The starting male model from the costume creator, all one color... looking as though he just got Generic'd.  I don't know how difficult it would be or if it would violate copy right laws, but having all his dialog be actual audio clips from the original source would be stellar.

Evil McEvilPants – Corruptor – Roleplayer who hates that the game has his villain constantly doing good deeds or serving others.  Often monologs his character's motivations for doing various things whether anyone else cares or not.  No appearance suggestions.

The Last Straw – Dominator – Leader of the group (or at least the poor sap with the star).  Long suffering, basically a straight woman for all the other personality-challenged members of the group.  Appearance Suggestion: Should look like she actually spent some time considering his costume, other than that.. none really.

Gluteus of Wisdom – Stalker – Yes, translated as "wise-ass".  Basically this guy is my voice making snide remarks through out the strike force.  I'd suggest he be a dark armor stalker so he just resembles a mass of blackish smoke.  We never actually see him out of hide (for reasons of self defense) so no appearance suggestions.

Lacking A Hint – Mastermind – Otherwise known as Clueless.  Is she new to the game?  Is she role playing a simpleton?  Or is she really this stupid?  Only her hair stylist knows for sure.  A demon summoner/pain domination MM, she has no real clue what's going on.  Appearance suggestion: lots of bright, clashing primary colors.  Stripes with prints, clash... clash ... clash.

Oh Solo Mio – Widow – The one who actually wins their battles for them.  She is a thorough-going professional who kills things rather than spending any time talking or conversing.  She hates teaming but since Strike Forces require it she is putting up with it over the short term.  She definitely puts the "I" in team.... Making it teami... or maybe teiam... I'd have said I-team but that's already been copywritten by Apple.

The Script:

The Scene: On bridge just outside Ghost Widow's tower in Mercy Island.  Wretch is midway across bridge, group is a little bit separated to start as they organize then will close to start the strike force.

Oh Solo Mio: Can we get this started already?  We have the team minimum.

The Last Straw: You sure you don't want to try to max out the team?

Oh Solo Mio: No. More people equals more irritation.  I don't LIKE teams.  Why do you think I'm a Widow?

Gluteus of Wisdom: 'Sides, Respite is working on a limited budget so she can't afford to pay more than six actors.

Lacking A Hint: Wait... you're getting PAID?

The Last Straw: Okay folks, enough jaw jacking... let's get this show on the road.

(Group moves to stand near Wretch)

Wretch: Wretch in trouble! Wretch so dumb! Wretch not remember... not know where... Huh? You!! You help Wretch?

Evil McEvilPants: Help you?  Why do these missions always involve HELPING people?  Aren't we supposed to be villains?!  They should have named this damned game City of Boy Scouts!

The Last Straw: Shut up, Evil.  Yes Wretch, we'd be happy to help you.  What do you need?

Evil McEvilPants: Maybe we can help you across the street... or gee whillickers... is your puppy stuck up a tree?

Endemic Generic: What's that Lassie?  Timmy's fallen down the well?

Lacking A Hint: No seriously, you're getting paid?  How much?  I thought this was just volunteer work type stuff.

Gluteus of Wisdom: Would you believe me if I said my payment was just basking in the glow of your august presence?

Lacking A Hint:  August presents?  But I was born in March.

Gluteus of Wisdom: You are my new best friend.

The Last Straw: SHUT UP!!!  (then after a period of awkward silence)  Sorry about that Wretch, we'd be glad to help you.

Wretch: YAY!! Wretch feel better already! Wretch can not find... can not remember... Wretch need someone who know... Smart person... Smart person... Oh! Doctor am smart! Doctor Eeeyon... Doctor Eeyore... no... Think Wretch Think! Doctor Aeon! You am go ask Doctor Aeon where is... Help Wretch! Oh! Wretch think you need pretty name! So Wretch will not forget... Wretch call you Meta Disruptor Strike Force!

Evil McEvilPants: The wicked McEvilPants considers his options... he is no man's errand boy but perhaps the fool Wretch is searching out some weapon of power.  McEvilPants decides he will pretend to do as the idiot wishes and then steal the item for his own nefarious purpose at the last possible instant!  Mwa ha ha haaaaaa!!

Wretch: What wrong with McNaughtyPanties?

Evil McEvilPants: That's MC-EVIL-PANTS!

Gluteus of Wisdom: He's just upset that McDonalds refused to include his clothing line on the menu.

Endemic Generic: Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce... special orders don't upset us.

EvilMcEvilPants: Leave my pickle out of this!

Lacking a Hint: Ew.

The Last Straw: This is going to be a LONG strike force.

NEW SCENE: Group has just defeated the last enemy (Doctor Aeon's appointment secretary) and are approaching Doctor Aeon.

The Last Straw: What the heck was THAT supposed to be anyway?

Gluteus of Wisdom:  Like it?  I call it "the Stalker Pull"...

The Last Straw: Yeah, see... when I think of an effective pull I usually don't consider one where the puller ends up needing a hospital port.

Gluteus of Wisdom: That's okay... maybe someday you'll be as clever as me and understand such things.

Endemic Generic: The force is strong in this one.

Oh Solo Mio: Hint, why were you only using your whip?  Your minions would have made things a lot easier back there.

Lacking a Hint: Those demon things?  I didn't take that power.  They're too grody looking.  I love my whip though!  Whip-CHAH!  Whip-CHAH!

Endemic Generic: Momma says stupid is as stupid does.

Doctor Aeon: What is the meaning of this?!  Why have you invaded my sanctum sanctorum?  That's it!  Where's my death ray?  Miss Ambrosia where did you put my death ray?!

Gluteus of Wisdom: Ummm... would Miss Ambrosia be your appointment secretary?  If so she's the one on the floor back there... doing a fair impression of a landed trout.

The Last Straw: Glute, let me handle this. 

Gluteus of Wisdom: Are you sure?  I don't think you've thought this all the way through...

The Last Straw:  I think I can handle it.  Doctor Aeon, we've been sent here by Wretch.  He has enlisted our aid in finding something.

Gluteus of Wisdom: Don't say I didn't warn you.

Doctor Aeon: Wretch?  So that buffoon is behind this chaos?  I should have known.  Very well, out of deference for his Mistress I shall curb my desire for retribution.  What is it he is seeking?

The Last Straw: Actually... umm... that is... well... we don't know... and... uuhh... neither does Wretch.  He can't remember what it is he's looking for.

Gluteus Of Wisdom:  Yeah, that's why I let YOU do the talking.

Doctor Aeon: Pardon my momentary fit of pique but am I to understand that you just invaded my lab, slaughtered a good number of my workers, eviscerated my Appointment Secretary and... worst of all... interrupted my brilliant thought process... and you don't know WHY!?

Endemic Generic: Houston, we have a problem.

The Last Straw: But sir... we were just doing what Wretch said to...

Doctor Aeon: Tell that lumbering oaf that if it weren't for Ghost Widow's protection I would happily transplant what's in his skull for the contents of a brain damaged hamster!! And it would STILL be an improvement!

Gluteus of Wisdom: Okay, no problem, we'll just jot that message right down and tell the human weapon of mass destruction exactly what you just said.  (clipboard emote)  Was that a brain damaged hamster or gerbil for the transplant?

Doctor Aeon: Er... perhaps I was a bit hasty.  There's no need to tell him any of that.  He's sure to misinterpret it... taken out of context this way... Ummm... just tell him Doctor Aeon said he didn't know where it was.  Yes, let's just tell him that.

Endemic Generic: So it is written, so it shall be done.

Oh Solo Mio: This... this right here... is why I HATE teaming.

NEW SCENE: Back to Wretch.

Wretch: Hello Big Puffy Pants Whack Force!  Uh,... no... Pink Shoe String Drunk Force?  Ugh... Why Wretch give you hard name to remember? 

The Last Straw: That's okay Wretch, we talked to Doctor Aeon...

Gluteus of Wisdom: Yes!  And boy did HE have a message for YOU!  Let me just get my notes... ah here we go... "Tell that lumbering oaf..."

Endemic Generic: Hey Lucy!  You got some 'splainin' to do!

Lacking a Hint: I'm not Lucy... I'm Lacking...

Oh Solo Mio: Truer words have never been spoken.

The Last Straw: Enough!  Listen Wretch... Doctor Aeon said he didn't know where it was.  That's ALL Doctor Aeon said.

Gluteus Of Wisdom:  Are you sure?  My notes clearly say...

Wretch: Big brain smart guy not know?  This not good!  Wretch am in some trouble now!  Brainy Eeyore not help Wretch with smarts... Wretch need help... If book smarty guy not help Wretch then maybe magic smarty guy help! Go talk Triangle of Sticky-Burrs! Wretch know magic men can find what Wretch looking for!

The Last Straw: Triangle of Stick Burrs?  Oh... Circle of Thorns... so you want us to go speak to one of their mages?  You think they'll know what it is?

Endemic Generic: If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve...

Gluteus of Wisdom: Then we're sure to get a clue...

Oh Solo Mio: The badge

Evil McEvilPants: XP

Endemic Generic: Da Noive... We're off to see the Wizard... the...

The Last Straw: Cut the scene!  For the love of god cut the scene!!

(Cut Scene to black.  Nothing but voices this time with no visual at all.)

Dark Respite: What did we agree on?

Steelclaw: The Wretch Strike Force.

Dark Respite: Yes... And what did we decide to WAIT on...?

Steelclaw: Yeah, but it was just a LITTLE...

Dark Respite: Uh-UH!  WHAT did we decide to wait on?

Steelclaw: City of Oz.

Dark Respite: That's right.  Bad Steelclaw.  No donut.

Steelclaw: Awww... can I at least have a munchkin?

Dark Respite: (sighs) Fine... ONE Munchkin.

Steelclaw: Can I have one from the Lollipop Guild?

Dark Respite: (Long silence)  I hate you.

NEW SCENE: Back at Wretch again.

The Last Straw: Wretch, we have returned from interrogating the Circle of Thorns...

Gluteus of Wisdom: We have?

Evil McEvilPants: That was quick... I don't remember even leaving the bridge.

Oh Solo Mio: Anything that speeds this process up is a GOOD thing as far as I'm concerned.

Lacking a Hint: I'm confused!

Gluteus of Wisdom:  Pleased to meet you, I'm a Scorpio myself.

The Last Straw: (through gritted teeth) Wretch, the Circle of Thorns didn't know anything about this thing we're searching for either.

Wretch: Glowing eye men not know?! What good magic if not help find things? Hmm... Wretch DO like rabbit from hat though... Wretch really like it with ketchup.  Wait!  Wretch have idea... Idea smell like bacon... No... that breakfast... wait... Oh! Wretch remember... Wretch think maybe Wretch not forget where thing is... Wretch think maybe bad person STEAL thing from Wretch while Wretch not looking other way.. Lots of bad people on Rogue Isles... Wonder who steal something from Wretch...?"

(Rest of party all turn to look at Evil McEvilPants)

Evil McEvilPants: Huh?  What're you all looking at me for?  Oh come on!  We haven't even FOUND it yet... how am I supposed to steal it before we even have it?

Wretch: Wretch know! Wretch always see yellow flying whup-whup men stealing stuff! You go beat up yellow men with backpacks that go whup-whup-whup and get back what they took from Wretch!

(Action: The group walks away... Evil still proclaiming his innocence... leaving Wretch standing all alone on the bridge)

Wretch: Whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup... Wretch LIKE that sound... Whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup-whup...

NEW SCENE: Final Room of Warehouse Map.  Lots of Goldbricker bodies strewn everywhere.

Oh Solo Mio: This is the THIRD damned warehouse we've cleared and we STILL have no idea what we're looking for!  Is this Strike Force EVER going to end?!

Endemic Generic: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.  You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

The Last Straw: It has to end eventually, let's question the Goldbricker leader and see what he knows.

Gluteus of Wisdom:  Wow, that almost sounded like leadership!

The Last Straw: Please stop that, Glute.  This job is hard enough as it is.

Gluteus of Wisdom: Are you trying to appeal to my better nature, Straw?

The Last Straw: Yes, as a matter of fact I am.

Gluteus of Wisdom: You think you'd know better by now.

Endemic Generic: Nice girl.  Baaaaaaaad judge of character.

Oh Solo Mio: (While beating on the Goldbricker Boss)  Talk!  Talk or I'll start cutting off any body parts I consider "non-essential"

Late Boomer: Hey!  Ow!  I can't tell you anything if you don't ask me the questions first!

The Last Straw: Why don't you let me handle this Solo?

Gluteus Of Wisdom: Aw come on... I wanna see which body parts she considers non-essential!

The Last Straw: We've been sent by Wretch to get back any items you may have stolen from him.

Late Boomer: Something we stole from Wretch? You can't be serious... Listen, pal, we steal TECHNOLOGICAL equipment. Wretch is so backwards he still doesn't know which end of the hammer to grab. He's so tech-deficient he thinks a laptop is something that disappears when he stands up. Wretch is so primitive he thinks a Broadband is a bunch of dames playing music! What could he possibly have technology-wise that we would be interested in?

Lacking a Hint: Disappears when he stands up?  I don't get it.

Gluteus of Wisdom: I'll explain it to you... just come with me... I have some schematics of the process which you may find interesting...

Lacking a Hint: Schematics?  You mean pictures?  I LOVE pictures!

Gluteus of Wisdom: Seriously, how did I ever get along before I met you?

The Last Straw: So this is yet another dead end.  This Strike Force DOES have a point doesn't it?

Evil McEvilPants:  While the others talked the nefarious McEvilPants stole various implements of higher technology left laying in the aftermath of their battle.  Quietly pocketing the items he did not let on to his so-called team mates that he had used them once more to serve his own evil ends.

Late Boomer: Wait... what?  You stole some of our stolen goods?

Evil McEvilPants:  I most certainly did NOT!  Why would you even think such a thing?

Late Boomer: Umm... because you just said you did.

Evil McEvilPants: No I didn't.

Late Boomer: Yeah you did... You just referred to yourself in the third person and said you stole some of our stuff.

Evil McEvilPants: That was interior dialog.  You couldn't actually hear it.

Late Boomer: Say what now?

Evil McEvilPants: It was interior dialog and an action statement.  I was using it to establish my character's actions and intentions so I could wring some sort of evil intent out of these silly, pointless missions.

Late Boomer: Ah, so you're one of those insane villains.  Got it.

Evil McEvilPants: I'm not insane!  It's roleplaying!  I'm a role player!

Endemic Generic: You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.

The Last Straw: I can't take this anymore... Everyone shut up!  I mean it!

(Screen fades to black as though going to another scene during Straw's dialog... while it is still black we hear)

Endemic Generic: Anybody want a peanut?

The Last Straw: Aaaaarrrgggh!

NEW SCENE: Back to the bridge with Wretch.

Wretch: Wretch no like video games. It much more fun pound on real man than pound on TV man. Yellow whup-whup men not steal from Wretch. Wretch in real big trouble!  Wretch don't know what to do... Wretch have no choice... Wretch have to tell Widow Wretch lose it... No! WRETCH no tell Widow... Wretch have Happy Smiley Face Strike Force tell Widow! No... Wretch have Naked Teddy Bear Strike Force tell... no... Oh! Why Wretch give you pretty name in first place? Wretch should give you ugly name... easier to remember!

The Last Straw: I think we're straying from the point here, Wretch...

Oh Solo Mio: Yeah, pretty much from the first word spoken in this stupid Strike Force.

Wretch: Wretch think of ugly name... This name easy to remember...

The Last Straw: That's nice Wretch, any name will do... but if we're going to talk to Widow we should really get going now...

Wretch: Wretch call you Strike Force Mud.

Gluteus Of Wisdom:  Yeah, that fits.

Evil McEvilPants: Wait!  You're sending us up against GHOST WIDOW?!  This is only a 12th level Strike Force!  How in the heck are we supposed to beat Ghost Widow?!  She could twist us up in a knot while crocheting a rocket launcher!

Endemic Generic: Nimble little mynx, isn't she?

Wretch: Wretch hate it when she do her twirly thingy.  Twirly thingy always make Wretch toss his cookies.

The Last Straw: Let me put it this way... the sooner we complete this last mission... pass or fail... the sooner we can end this Strike Force and get on with our lives.

Oh Solo Mio: I'm in.

Evil McEvilPants: Let's go.

Lacking a Hint: I'll vote whichever way Glute votes.

Gluteus of Wisdom: I agree with Hint.

Endemic Generic: We will not go quietly into the night!  We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on!  We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

NEW SCENE: Arachnos base, final room, lots of dead Arachnos soldiers lying about.

Ghost Widow: How dare you enter my private sanctum and destroy my minions! Prepare to be utterly....

EvilMcEvilPants: No!  Don't kill us!  We were sent by Wretch!  Please don't reduce us down to our component a-a-atoms!

The Last Straw: Wow.  Way to man up there, Evil.

Ghost Widow: What? Wretch sent you?

Gluteus of Wisdom: Yeah, apparently he's misplaced something pretty important.  We kept trying to get him to tell us what the item in question was, but he couldn't remember.

Endemic Generic: What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Ghost Widow:  He lost it AGAIN? Oh, dear. Very well, I'll simply chalk up the loss of my soldiers to Lord Recluse's 'survival of the fittest' campaign. Please return and tell Wretch that the key to Widow's Tower is under the welcome mat... right where it's ALWAYS been. >sighs< I really need to think of a better way to do this. Perhaps on a chain around his neck?

Evil McEvilPants: Wait a minute, you mean we've been traipsing all over the Rogue Isles for the key to your tower?

Lacking a Hint: Oh, that makes sense.  I lose my keys all the time.

Oh Solo Mio: No badge is worth this.

The Last Straw: Now come on folks... let's not go crazy here...

Endemic Generic: Dogs and cats living together!  Mass hysteria!

The Last Straw:  Let's just go back to the tower and get this over with.  I need a migraine pill.

Lacking a Hint: Why would you take a pill that gives you a migraine?

Gluteus of Wisdom: That's my girl.

NEW SCENE: Back with Wretch once more.

Wretch:  Wretch thank you for finding key-thingy for Wretch! Wretch only wish that Mud Strike Force had found it sooner. Wretch really had to go wee-wee but Wretch could not wait no more. Wretch go on floaty security drone thing...

(CUT AWAY to show Arachnos Drone floating in mid-air... if possible with smoke issuing from it... after a moment or two it explodes into fragments)

Wretch: Oh well... Wretch thank you so much! Wretch NEVER think of finding key thingy under welcome mat!

(MISSION COMPLETE flashes across the screen with accompanying music fanfare... followed by Badge Earned... Reward Merits Earned... etc)

Gluteus Of Wisdom:  That was a blast!  Anyone up for running some more missions together?

Oh Solo Mio:  I think I would rather get a bamboo sliver manicure, actually... (Oh Solo Mio has quit the team)

The Last Straw: Where did I put those pills?  They're around here somewhere... recommended dosage is one but surely three couldn't hurt...  (The Last Straw has quit the team)

Gluteus of Wisdom:  Oh well... why don't you come with me, my dear?  I have lots and lots of pictures to show you..

Lacking a Hint: Really!?  Awesome!  I LOVE pictures!

Gluteus of Wisdom: You'll love these ones then... some of them actually move!

Lacking a Hint: Do you have any pictures of ponies?  I adore ponies!

Gluteus of Wisdom:  I think a few of my pictures have a donkey in them... and a donkey is pretty close to a pony.

(Gluteus of Wisdom has quit the team)  (Lacking a Hint has quit the team)

(Camera focuses on Endemic Generic's face and we have a circular fade out with the black slowly closing in on Endemic... at the last instant when just his face is left he speaks)

Endemic Generic: B'dee... b'dee... b'deee... that's all folks!

NEW SCENE:  Screen is black for a moment but then a pull back of the camera reveals it had been a close up of one of the giant screens in Grandville.  Standing in front of it are the avatars of Steelclaw and Dark Respite.

Steelclaw: So, what do you think?  Not bad at all, huh?  I told you it would be great!

Dark Respite stares at the screen blankly, saying nothing.

Steelclaw: I've already started working on City of Oz... I have some GREAT ideas for it.  I'll write the script and then you can do all the easy stuff... casting... directing... finding people willing to sing... audio... editing...

Dark Respite still says nothing but turns to face him.

Steelclaw: Yeah, this one was good... but it was too SHORT!  I think we need a full length feature film!  At least as long as the original Wizard of Oz.

Dark Respite does the emote for Aid Other from the Medicine Power Pool.

Steelclaw: Hey... what're you doing? 

Instead of Healing, Steelclaw begins to do the animation for the Self Destruct power.

10... 9....

Steelclaw:  Hey wait!  I was just kidding!  I didn't mean what you did was easy!

8... 7... 6....

Steelclaw: We don't have to do a full length movie!  Just a half hour would be fine too!

5... 4... 3...

Steelclaw: Fine!   We can do something YOU want to do next!  We can do City of Oz later!

2... 1...

After Steelclaw explodes Dark Respite looks at the big black smear for a while then begins walking away.  Not far distant she finds Lord Nemesis leaning against a wall.  He stands and begins to walk with her.

Dark Respite: And to think I left retirement for THIS.

Lord Nemesis: Hey, don't blame me.  After I reviewed the script I told you... Even *I* wouldn't have involved myself in THIS plot.

Fade to black.

[Samuraiko]

This is one of the projects that I well and truly regret not actually seeing to completion. Still, as most of it isn't that complicated, perhaps I can do it via hand-coding the demofiles.

Bit of trivia: when I told my friends about this, they were FIGHTING over which parts they wanted to voice. However, they unanimously agreed that my goddaughter Chrissy (who also plays COH) should be the voice of Lacking (before we even told her about it), and as soon as I sent *HER* the script, she emailed me back going, "OMG I call dibs on Lacking! WHIP-CHA WHIP-CHA!"

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

[Bloodspeaker2]

Yeah, I was so much looking forward to voicing Evil McEvilpants that I had a good chunk of his dialog memorized and rehearsed in my head.  :-\

Edit: Come to think of it, I had most of his costume designed, as well. Sort of a neo-tech Snidely Whiplash. I only wish that one of the later aura options had been "legs", because I wanted to set his pants, and nothing else, on fire.  :P