Last year despite my best efforts ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus for us here at the Corner Store™ did not go as envisioned in a few areas. So this year I’m going to bring the ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus back into ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus. By eliminating everything that went wrong last year. Most notably I will be eliminating the Worry about ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses and The ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Day Nativity Scene.
The Worry about ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses
To begin with as you know ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus is a time of giving. Last year, despite numerous hints, I never received ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus bonuses from you people. This year I have taken the worry out of it by eliminating the whole expectation thing on ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Bonuses. My bonuses have been deducted from your pay checks. Thank you. It was most kind of you all, and much appreciated by me. I’m sure you all feel better for your act of giving and kindness. You are all most welcome.
The ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus Day Nativity Scene and the non-alcoholic Eggnog.
Last year I put much time and effort into locating 3 wise men and a virgin to beckon last minute ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus day shoppers and entice them to buy the Corner Store™ brand of non-alcoholic Eggnog. It did not go well. Instead of beckoning them in and enticing them with Eggnog, they physically blocked the entrance to the store and drunkenly accosted all perspective shoppers. Furthermore the virgin had triplets a few months ago and currently has 3 restraining orders against the wise men. So even if I wanted to I couldn't use them again.
The Non-alcoholic Eggnog
It appears the Corner Store™ brand of non-alcoholic Eggnog ferments several months after it expires and becomes alcoholic, and more valuable. This year the Corner Store will be not be selling non-Alcoholic Eggnog. We now sell the Corner Store™ brand Alcoholic Eggnog. Corner store Employees will not consume the Corner Store™ brand of alcoholic Eggnog while on duty…
Thank you all for your patience and have a Happy ChrisHannuKwanzFestivus everyone.
GA