Author Topic: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story  (Read 42236 times)

Pep Rally

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #60 on: December 07, 2012, 06:45:04 AM »
Samuraiko was there filming! And I know a couple of others were demorecording as well. I'm certain something will come of those efforts!

Awesome!

Ashen Fury

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #61 on: December 07, 2012, 07:51:57 AM »
I have an entire FRAPS of the event, but the file is enormous and I dont have a converter or much knowledge of what i could do with the footage, anyone want a crack at it?
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Arcana

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #62 on: December 07, 2012, 08:25:51 AM »
I have an entire FRAPS of the event, but the file is enormous and I dont have a converter or much knowledge of what i could do with the footage, anyone want a crack at it?
I could re-encode it and upload it to youtube, but the challenge would be getting a large fraps file from you in the first place.

Victoria Victrix

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #63 on: December 07, 2012, 01:56:46 PM »
I could re-encode it and upload it to youtube, but the challenge would be getting a large fraps file from you in the first place.

FTP?  You'd just need a sufficiently large place to park it.
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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #64 on: December 07, 2012, 02:16:32 PM »
I have 24 gb available on Dropbox I don't use much of. send me a pm if you are interested.
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Arcana

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #65 on: December 07, 2012, 07:19:52 PM »
FTP?  You'd just need a sufficiently large place to park it.

I have a ~26 min fraps file that clocks in at about 15 gigabytes.  Assuming a file size comparable to that, the problem is transmitting 15 gigs via FTP without it glitching at some point during the process.

Dropbox can also work; I also have a fairly large dropbox account with, lets see here, 79 gigabytes currently free.  So either Arctic Force or I could probably send a dropbox shared folder link and then let Dropbox slowly sync that file over however long it takes.  Let me know if your file ends up being larger than Arctic Force's capacity.

Perfidus

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #66 on: December 07, 2012, 10:16:20 PM »
Wouldn't a torrent be a good idea too?

Victoria Victrix

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #67 on: December 18, 2012, 10:47:17 AM »
OK, I have been able to get to a point where I can read this without sobbing until I am sick, although I will admit to having to stop to grab tissues at several points.

So here is my professional review.

For taking what was available to us as game Lore and canon, and twining it into a satisfying ending: 10/10
For a well constructed plot, in which I could find no holes: 10/10
For being able to orchestrate an actual end-game event with EVERYTHING stacked against you: this thing goes to 11.  Or maybe 111.


Actual writing of this story:

This was more of an extended outline, and I mean that in the best sense.  I would have altered the pacing a bit.  You probably are not familiar with Blake Snyder's Save the Cat and his BeatSheet, but you missed some major beats in the actual writing out of the story.  You didn't have a Dark Night of the Soul or Whiff of Death moment that would have made it deeply compelling and would have made this commercial in the best sense, but I can see where that could have been fitted in.  And I sense you have not quite grappled with the concept of emotional writing, which would have enriched the prose.  Technically (grammar, syntax, yada) you're right there.

Score for the writing itself
 
Pacing:  8/10
Hitting the Beats: 5/10
Plot: 8/10 (and the only reason I didn't give it 10/10 is I wanted that Whiff of Death)
Technique: 10/10
Emotional evocation: 5/10

Short form: with a little coaching and study of Save the Cat you could go pro.  And to put all this together in the short time you had is astonishing.  Most pros couldn't do that.

So what you hear from me overall is a standing ovation.
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Arcana

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #68 on: December 18, 2012, 07:21:04 PM »
You probably are not familiar with Blake Snyder's Save the Cat and his BeatSheet

As a matter of fact, I am: I have the Kindle edition of his book.  And now that you mention it, I agree that not remembering to dig up his fifteen part beat sheet was a missed opportunity there.  Even so, I think the bigger issue is that I don't have a player proxy to act as the narrative center; instead that energy is spread out among the characters I wanted to explore.  Without enough time to explore them as secondary characters, they really became baton-passing main characters for each part, and that probably made it difficult to have enough depth to evoke more of a connection to the characters on an emotional level.  I really substituted melodrama for emotional connection, because that's all I thought I had time for.  I was literally polishing some of those parts the night I posted them.

If there is a funny irony, its that I think if anything I spent almost the entire story on Save the Cat moments for the characters I thought were important.  Particularly Cole and Silos, but even Rularuu.  Except instead of those being hello moments, they are really goodbye moments.

I think your points are entirely fair; thanks for taking the time to read. 

Maybe one day I should expand the story into a novel and try to fix those.

Nyx Nought Nothing

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #69 on: December 18, 2012, 07:45:58 PM »
Maybe one day I should expand the story into a novel and try to fix those.
i think i would actually pay to read that.
...
On second thought i'm sure i would pay to read that.
So far so good. Onward and upward!

Atlantea

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #70 on: December 18, 2012, 08:51:07 PM »
As would I.


Victoria Victrix

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #71 on: December 19, 2012, 03:14:54 AM »
That makes three of us!

Now, please temper my critique with this: MOST writers would have needed at least a year to get all the ducks in a row for a "book" of this sort.  You had three months and were working under the pressure of needed to script it AND set it up as an actual event. 

Honestly?  I don't think I could have done it, and I can, under pressure, write a full novel in a month.
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Terwyn

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #72 on: December 19, 2012, 03:19:58 AM »
That makes three of us!

Now, please temper my critique with this: MOST writers would have needed at least a year to get all the ducks in a row for a "book" of this sort.  You had three months and were working under the pressure of needed to script it AND set it up as an actual event. 

Honestly?  I don't think I could have done it, and I can, under pressure, write a full novel in a month.

I've found that I'm now at the three year mark for my own. However, given its subject matter, it was a matter of necessity. How does one pay the proper respect to entire generations without taking as much time as is necessary.
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Arcana

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #73 on: December 19, 2012, 03:56:51 AM »
That makes three of us!

Now, please temper my critique with this: MOST writers would have needed at least a year to get all the ducks in a row for a "book" of this sort.  You had three months and were working under the pressure of needed to script it AND set it up as an actual event. 

Honestly?  I don't think I could have done it, and I can, under pressure, write a full novel in a month.

I appreciate the critique in the context it was given, and I'm not discouraged by honest feedback in the least.

Also, looking back it seems I had exactly 35 days to put this all together.  I did have help, and I did think about it earlier, but according to my notes the pieces that made this possible didn't fall into place until October 24th, and I actually began brainstorming the story on October 28th.  The basic outline for the story sort of popped into my head on November 1, and it was a mad scramble to the finish line from there.  The first time I shared any rough drafts of any part of the story was on November 8th.  By then I had exactly two parts mostly done (the first two, of course).  I believe part one was officially posted on the forums on November 19th.  Although by then I had enough material, I was still polishing and rewriting sections as I was posting them from the 19th through the 29th.


If you force me to, I could probably fill a novel in a month.  But it would probably be about the Muppets trying to start a space program and involve a lot of breaks for fast food.

faith.grins

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #74 on: December 19, 2012, 05:44:23 AM »
If you force me to, I could probably fill a novel in a month.  But it would probably be about the Muppets trying to start a space program and involve a lot of breaks for fast food.
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Megajoule

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #75 on: December 19, 2012, 08:55:18 AM »
If you force me to, I could probably fill a novel in a month.  But it would probably be about the Muppets trying to start a space program and involve a lot of breaks for fast food.

Um, about that...
:)

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #76 on: December 23, 2012, 08:00:52 PM »
... Thank you. If nothing else, this gives a bit of closure for me. After I got done reading it, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and heart.  If CoH never comes back, I will, at the very least, keep the fire burning bright in my heart.

Thank you.

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Arcana

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #77 on: January 09, 2013, 12:08:30 AM »
Apparently, Hamidon Earth may be isolated from the multiverse and the Will of the Earth is now an ascended being, but Hamidon still has a twitter account: https://twitter.com/HamiJello.  Go figure.

Sugoi

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #78 on: January 09, 2013, 02:11:30 AM »
I read this story just after it was posted originally, and let me add my vote to those who would love to see the expanded version.  Not sure of the legalities of money passing hands (or electronically), but if it's possible I'd do that as well!  Wouldn't be the first time I've paid for fanfiction... (memories of the April 74 Star Trek Con in NYC comes to mind... grin)

Bravo!  When the CoH reality was ending, your story gave me hope that some of my characters could have helped out at the end. (I ran about 65% Defenders/Controllers ingame).


Atlantea

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Re: The Immortal Game: The Last City of Heroes story
« Reply #79 on: January 09, 2013, 07:01:39 AM »
Um, about that...
:)

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