Thanks for your PM RW, I hope you have luck and post more here. I'm gonna use your post, I hope you don't mind, to clear up what I never should have laid here on you guys.
I've had a really rough, for me, 10 years or so. I saw my career, family, home, friends, possessions, part of my health, and more, go *poof* I didn't just stand by and watch, either. I struggled as hard as I could to save what I could and I lost. It really changed me and not for the better.
And then I came here where I live and went through some struggles I shouldn't have mentioned in this forum that seem even worse than everything else combined. They must have been bad because up until now divorce was my black cloud. I mean, I loved my wife as much as anyone - it turned my favorite uncle into an alcoholic, it changes people even when they tell themselves daily "don't let it change you" until I realized it already had, but..... I don't even care about that anymore. The vast majority of the time.
If there is one thing I've learned it's that you can never get back what you have truly lost and that in the end, we all lose all - no matter how good or bad or rich or poor we are. The lesson is to take joy in what you have today. Or don't (hopefully you do!). And live with your decision.
No matter how big you are there is always someone bigger. No matter how much you struggle someone has always struggled more. I have lived with people who have everything they could want and see their dreams - as in, things they wished for but never thought would happen, realized .... annually and not only are they still unhappy but they leave their dreams in piles and never use or tend or enjoy them. This made me look at MY life. I mean, compare divorce to a lot of other horrors that can happen in life.. I was never happy either.
When you can free your mind from the things you don't have and appreciate what you do it really helps a lot. When you can assume the responsibility for your own happiness and not blame Life for your unhappiness. This helps too.
It can be hard when you're in pain or worried about some basic need (food, water, heat, heat relief, medical care, care for a loved one...etc) and/or being actively oppressed (see: above). But. That's life. Suck all the fun out of it that you can while you can. You wanna look back on life at all the things you cried... or laughed about..? What will you feel when you look back? Like you wasted your life or had some laughs and did some good? And try and be a better person and spread some good- I bet even the pope prays for that one all the time.
Thanks and sorry, again, RW, and everyone else. We've gone way off topic here before but I hereby give up my crown.
Happy Gaming! and Holidays.
The End.