My likely absence.

[johnrobey]

Yes, I believe it will get better, in fact very much better.  Personal experience suggests improvement usually happens either during an "A-ha" moment of insight & inspiration/transformation or thru a more gradual growth process.  It sounds like your mother is making progress in that she both complimented you and offered tips on your make-up and tweezing.  She helped touch up your back to make it stubble-free.  That all sounds pretty loving and accepting.

She is also being honest with you (and herself) when she verbalized "I can't handle this" and "It's going too fast."  She is clearly stating needs.  That doesn't mean you compromise either your values or your self/self-identity, but this is a situation that calls for warm feelings of compassion on all sides.  I know for myself that responding with feelings of compassion towards someone whose behavior has been controlling is a lot to ask, and yet I think this may be exactly what your current situation calls for.

Unless your mother happens to have another family member who is Trans (e.g. her brother, her aunt, etc) to help her understand this, to help empathize with what all she is going thru--e.g. she is losing her image, her idea of who you are, in this case, I believe a son and is in the process of learning about who you are as her daughter.  Perhaps I have bits of this mixed up, but in any event she may well be grieving a legitimate loss as part and parcel of accepting who you are now, rather than who she thought you were for N number of years.

Advice to you & mom:

Do check out your local chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians & Gays.  Here's a link to the Tacoma, WA chapter webpage:  http://www.pflagtacoma.org/  as well as to what I found on PFLAG's national site for Trans:  https://community.pflag.org/transgender

Digression before I offer more advice:  One of my old friends from when I was in high school (or nearly 40 years ago) came out to me as a Trans-man (female transitioning to male) about 15 years ago.  Even as a gay man, it still took me some time to wrap my brain around the idea that my good friend Adrienne was now Adrian (tho nowadays he goes by Robert.)  Less than a year ago another good friend, in this case a young Gen X gamer came out as Trans and explained very nicely and lovingly that it made sense to him that I might have a bit of difficulty in updating my mental images and understanding since as Donna he'd presented himself (very successfully) as female.  The point here is that your mother has all this history of how she has thought of you, from being a three or four year old learning to ride a tricycle to first day of school, etc. and all of those memories with another gender attached.  She may well be grieving the death (of the idea) of her little boy and teenage son, and she may need to process that before she is able to accept and celebrate her daughter.  I think it might be okay to ask her about this, empathizing that this transition may not be easy for her, even as perhaps it may be effortless for you.

Here are some links I found that might be helpful:

Jazz Jennings And Her Mom Offer Wonderful Advice To Parents Raising Transgender Kids
http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/i-am-jazz#.bupJ3ebdGg

This is advice from a transwoman and parent
https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/advice-to-parents-of-transkids/

Advice for America from Parents Who Support Their Transgender Kids
http://www.buzzfeed.com/dominicholden/advice-for-americans-from-parents-who-support-their-transgen#.kuBlxM9BEP

Here is a link from genderspectrum.org:  https://www.genderspectrum.org/explore-topics/parenting-and-family/

Advice for transgender teens (with some advice also for parents): http://www.gay-therapy-ct.com/advice-for-transgender-teens.html

Here's a link to a large number of articles: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/parents-of-transgender-children/

And this one also looks decent: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/transgender.html

I think you may be beyond what the articles I found here speak to; however, they also include some resource links and hence might be worth checking out:  http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/publications-a-z/731-i-think-i-might-be-transgender-now-what-do-i-do

This is one I thought your mom might like, but I'd like to recommend you review it first both for content and because you know better than I can guess what your mother might be able to benefit from reading: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/transgender.html

Also, I found a web site that I think you might enjoy; Laura's Playground looks to be devoted to MtF and contains a cornucopia of links to articles, other websites, MTF chatroom etc.  http://www.lauras-playground.com/mtf.htm

Re: happiness.  Yes, it almost certainly gets better for you and for your mother.  Take the time to read and educate yourself (you and she) and then take the time to put your new understanding(s) into practice.

Wishing you and your mother Patience, Wisdom, and Love,

j.r.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Well, I appear to have regained some ground with her today. She started out verbally abusive this morning, but eventually it turned into a civil discussion and I got some old makeup books out of it. It's definitely a rocky road.....

[Ironwolf]

Well, I appear to have regained some ground with her today. She started out verbally abusive this morning, but eventually it turned into a civil discussion and I got some old makeup books out of it. It's definitely a rocky road.....

Slow down a bit. You only just now accepted yourself. How long did that take?

So you expect your mother to be happy with your decision in one weekend? If you are a person who goes against societies norms - you must accept others may not like what you do. Accepting them and understanding them - helps them to accept you. While not transgender - I am following native American beliefs and during a conversation with a group of people once - it was said well we are all Christians here. I chose to quietly say, well I am not but I do understand your point.

He turned to me and said - you are going to hell. I knew at least one of the folks may not like me not being a Christian and so I said - I understand that it frightens you that I an in danger of eternal torment. I however view the creator as not being vindictive. My beliefs include harmony with nature and with people if they allow it. I appreciate your faith and it makes you an upright and dependable person. Perhaps you can choose to see my character rather than my religion?

I say this so you will understand - don't look for strife. Noblesse is a quality that means you assume some one means the best for you unless they prove they do not. In his book - Zen in the Martial Arts, Joe Hyams (a student of Bruce Lee and the creator of the series Kung Fu), was late to his lesson with Bruce. Bruce Lee was not angry but he said to him you have taken something from me I choose to spend with you - my time. I only have so much of it and you have wasted some of my time with you. Why were you late?

Joe explained - a person he doesn't like much called and was offering him a script. Joe listened to the person but eventually turned him down after a long conversation. Bruce said to Joe - you spent my time with you - on a person whom you do not like and who is not a positive force in your life. Then the proceeded with the lesson. Joe learned you have only so much time and after Bruce Lee's early death he thought back - why did I not value Bruce more than the other person? Spend your time wisely and don't waste it on negative influences.

Your mother is your source of life. She is due much time and understanding. She may feel you are in for a hard and trouble filled life due to your choices and feel she has let you down in some way. It is hard for a mother or father to see their child chose a life filled with hardship potentially. Relax and find your own peace.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Considering another recent threat yesterday, this time to "mishandle" a razor after I requested help with my back (this followed a couple hours after a misunderstanding concerning something a friend of mine had said to her came to light), I don't really think I'm the one looking for strife. The fact that the woman actually threatened to slash my back up (and this a few weeks after her death threat) bespeaks of something psychologically wrong with her, even moreso than my own mental health problems (I could never imagine threatening my offspring like this if I had them). Frankly, I'm fortunate that my SSI payments will be coming soon, as I don't think I can tolerate being under the same roof as this woman anymore.

[ukaserex]

I can honestly say I'm just about stymied.

The compassion for the OP comes across so sincere it makes me proud to be ever so loosely associated - even if it is through this tiny venue.

At the same time, the ignorant conservative in me struggles with the OP's dilemma. I cannot honestly say how I would respond if my own child delivered a message such as the OP's. It's real easy to second-guess from the outside. I'd like to think I'd be cool with it - but I am sure, at least internally, I would really struggle to accept a statement like this. I'm only being honest when I say it. I certainly wouldn't consider violence as a way to express it - and for that, I am saddened that any person would - let alone a parent! And that makes me ashamed to be conservative, in a fashion.

This is so out of my experience, I have no words of advice, only to encourage you to find a safe place as soon as you're able. For what it's worth, I'll say a prayer for you to find a peaceful solution.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I can honestly say I'm just about stymied.

The compassion for the OP comes across so sincere it makes me proud to be ever so loosely associated - even if it is through this tiny venue.

At the same time, the ignorant conservative in me struggles with the OP's dilemma. I cannot honestly say how I would respond if my own child delivered a message such as the OP's. It's real easy to second-guess from the outside. I'd like to think I'd be cool with it - but I am sure, at least internally, I would really struggle to accept a statement like this. I'm only being honest when I say it. I certainly wouldn't consider violence as a way to express it - and for that, I am saddened that any person would - let alone a parent! And that makes me ashamed to be conservative, in a fashion.

This is so out of my experience, I have no words of advice, only to encourage you to find a safe place as soon as you're able. For what it's worth, I'll say a prayer for you to find a peaceful solution.

Thanks for your kind words. And while you admit you have your own mental hangups, at least you're trying. That's what counts, the attempt to be a better person.

[Ironwolf]

I am a conservative as well. I still care for people. Your life choices are your own. I would caution one of my children for making these decisions as I once cautioned one of my daughters who is very gifted musically. She once did a concert without preparing relying on talent alone. It was obvious to me that she had not prepared. I asked her afterwards and she admitted she didn't practice just did it cold.

I explained when people pay to see you - they deserve your best. I was a semi-pro hockey player at age 16 and I faced the same dilemma, be a kid or play hockey. I chose to be a kid and let a career in pro hockey pass. In like manner hard choices must at times be made. Do you find your hearts desire or do you realize to you the love isn't there?

My daughter stopped performing and instead became a child psychologist and then went on to work as a Child Protective Services agent and a sexual abuse hot line responder.   She has done so much good for some many families and she is so happy now.

So follow your heart and move as soon as possible.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I am a conservative as well. I still care for people. Your life choices are your own. I would caution one of my children for making these decisions as I once cautioned one of my daughters who is very gifted musically. She once did a concert without preparing relying on talent alone. It was obvious to me that she had not prepared. I asked her afterwards and she admitted she didn't practice just did it cold.

I explained when people pay to see you - they deserve your best. I was a semi-pro hockey player at age 16 and I faced the same dilemma, be a kid or play hockey. I chose to be a kid and let a career in pro hockey pass. In like manner hard choices must at times be made. Do you find your hearts desire or do you realize to you the love isn't there?

My daughter stopped performing and instead became a child psychologist and then went on to work as a Child Protective Services agent and a sexual abuse hot line responder.   She has done so much good for some many families and she is so happy now.

So follow your heart and move as soon as possible.

Being transgender isn't like being an aspiring musician, it's not a professional lifestyle or a hobby. To make a comparison like the examples you've illustrated are a gross misunderstanding of what this is like. It's an essence of being that causes an aggravating conflict within yourself where the mind is completely mismatched with the body. I don't expect you to understand what it's like, since most cisgender people have demonstrated that they can't, but please don't compare it to a life decision over a career because it is so infinitesimally more than that.

[Ironwolf]

You don't understand my point, there are those people who MUST be a musician even if they live day to day starving and not making 2 pennies to rub together. There are those people who MUST play hockey for a living even if it means they play for 25 years on a minor league team and make $15,000 a year.

If you have a calling of some sort - in your case you feel a desire beyond your coping to be a different sex. It is very similar and some suffer for their choices as it is not the society norm to do these things. You may feel it trivializes your struggle - but the struggle to be something whether it is a writer, artist, priest or some other calling is far more than that. It is WHO you are to your very core.

I have a friend who is a professional artist and has never made much money, however he can make medieval books the exact way they did: http://www.randyasplund.com/pages/illum.html - he must be an artist it is WHO he is. You feel you must be a different sex - it is WHO you are. I do get it and understand. It still doesn't make your choices easy or your lifestyle more mainstream. You will be misunderstood as you struggle with society. In part just reading your posts because you are struggling with yourself still to define who and what you are.
 

[Nyghtshade]

I think what Mistress Bloodraith is saying is that being transgender is not a choice, it's a fundamental, immutable, physical reality, but one which can cost everything to admit.  It seems to me the only choice here would be whether to be true to oneself, no matter the risk, or to spend one's life pretending to be something they're not because it's 'safer'.

In the best of worlds - and God willing, we'll get there one day - letting family and friends know someone is transgender will prompt compassion and support, rather than the persecution and threats Bloodraith is struggling with now. 

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I think what Mistress Bloodraith is saying is that being transgender is not a choice, it's a fundamental, immutable, physical reality, but one which can cost everything to admit.  It seems to me the only choice here would be whether to be true to oneself, no matter the risk, or to spend one's life pretending to be something they're not because it's 'safer'.

In the best of worlds - and God willing, we'll get there one day - letting family and friends know someone is transgender will prompt compassion and support, rather than the persecution and threats Bloodraith is struggling with now.

Exactly this. Being transgender has a much deeper reality than a calling to a career. It's hard to explain this to cisgender people who'll never fully grasp what it's like to have your mind and physical sex at odds with each other. Comparing it to musicians or painters trivializes the problem, because these people do not face cultural rejection and oppression or a constant crisis over their physical form that can drive them to suicide if the issue's not resolved. It's so much more severe than your examples, Ironwolf.

To spend my life pretending I'm a male is not an option anymore. Eventually that road will lead to suicide for me, because I'd rather die than live as something I'm not.

[MaidMercury]

I apologize for being late, been away awhile.
I would be very upset, extremely sad, if my son told me what you did, however, I would still love my child.
From what you wrote, this isn't rational behavior from this woman, even if one has different beliefs.

Surrounding yourself with friends, whether in your neighborhood or online can help some.
I hope one day your Mother calms down and become civil (if she ever was)
She may not have to feel as you do, but she ought to accept reality and realize you are your own person.
You can't change people or legislate morality much as the govt. tries.

Even the powerful Odin couldn't deter Thor from his love for Jane Foster
Be well!