Several months after we were forced to leave Paragon City behind; I decided to take a look in on our beloved NPC heroes and villains and see how life without us was treating them...
Arbiter Sands... has unfortunately passed away, found dead in his bathroom. Despite "official" Arachnos statements confirming his death, there remains a core of people who believe it was staged. In support of this conspiracy theory the tabloids routinely report sightings of the Arbiter complete with grainy, out of focus photographs.
Aurora Borealis... Now doing promotional signing tours for her self-help book "Me, Myself and I; How to Still the Voices In Your Head." She is also currently in hard negotiations with her publisher over the idea of doing a re-print with a bonus chapter entitled "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead!"
Azuria... recently made a killing on Antiques Roadshow.
Back Alley Brawler... Given that he is a Natural hero who never used steroids or any other kind of artificial enhancement, Brawler has turned his attention to a professional boxing career. Since no one will dare get in the ring to fight him, he has won all the recognized championship heavyweight belts by default. The closest thing he's come to a real fight since taking this career path is when another boxer's mother showed up in the ring the night of the fight and told him he "oughta be ashamed of himself" for picking on her little boy like that.
Barracuda... Current whereabouts unknown, but suspected digested... er... dead. (See Captain Mako for further information)
Black Scorpion... The drastic reduction of heroes completely demoralized the psychopathic little wannabe dictator. Without all his little playmates to keep him occupied, he sank into depression and began to eat and drink as a means of filling the void. He has put on so much weight that he's had to have his armor re-sized four times. It is rumored that most heroes and villains now refer to him as the "Black Pillbug" behind his back.
Captain Castillo... The Sky Raiders actually disbanded soon after the majority of the heroes disappeared. This occurred mostly because the more powerful criminal organizations had freer rein to eliminate the competition and the Raiders simply couldn't compete with groups like Malta and Arachnos. Finding himself without a job, Captain Castillo surprisingly became a fierce advocate for Same Sex Marriage. He was eloquent and charismatic and borderline violent in his pleas for the law to be passed in every state. Then, one day, he learned that Same Sex Marriage did NOT cover being able to marry one's clone or alternate reality counterpart. He has since given up the cause and now sells products on late-night infomercials.
Captain Mako... Overtaken by boredom from not having any enemies to fight, Mako turned his attention to other matters, specifically his personal life. Now that they weren't fighting hordes of good guys, he and Barracuda discovered how much they had in common. One thing led to another and soon the two of them got married. It was during their honeymoon that they, fatefully, happened upon Cap'n Wally's All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet. The two entered the restaurant and soon found themselves in an uncontrollable feeding frenzy. Two days later, in a dazed stupor, Captain Mako emerged alone, having no memory of what had happened. Barracuda has, as of yet, not been found... although her wedding ring was located, well-glazed with tartar sauce.
Citadel... After his task force giver job dried up, Citadel at last gave in financial pressures and agreed to be the spokesperson for Microsoft products. The gig didn't last very long as he became ill soon afterwards. Neither doctors nor IT support could figure out what had reduced him to his current catatonic state. These days Citadel sits in a corner of the hospital, staring into space and occasionally muttering "it's blue... everything is... blue" to himself.
Clockwork King... mysteriously disappeared three weeks after the hero exodus and has not been heard from since. In a completely unrelated story, Brad Pitt vanished about the same time and came back with an unusual scar circling the top part of his head. Upon his return Brad didn't explain where he'd been but instead divorced Angelina and moved to Paragon City.
Doctor Aeon... Upon learning the irrefutable fact that most of his world's former heroes were from another reality, Doctor Aeon immediately began researching our world. His original plan was to build a bridge or portal here to exploit our comparably pitiful technology when he happened upon the Iron Man, and later the Sherlock Holmes movies. Aeon now spends his time watching the movies and posting on his Robert Downey Jr. fan club facebook site. He's currently working on a membership drive but since no in that world has ever seen the movies or know who Downey is, he is largely being ignored. Which is pretty much how he was treated before the shut down.
Doctor Vahzilok... is hard at work developing a new line of "flesh preservation" products for Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Foreshadow... totally saw this coming... cashed in his NCSoft stock and moved to Tahiti two weeks before the closure was announced.
Fusionette... was recently appointed head of the Paragon City Public Transit System's Bus division.
Ghost Widow... As Arachnos' role in the world began to get more and more obscure, Widow became more and more withdrawn from the center of things. The Widow now resides almost exclusively in her tower. She has opened what she calls "Ghost Widow's Cat Rescue" which houses over 125 homeless and feral felines. Don't bother sending donations; Widow finds her little friends easier to care for once they've "passed on."
Infernal... is the star of his own reality television program. He lives in a house with all his demons summoned and free to roam around, create mayhem and record confessionals. Every week the viewing audience phones in to vote for their favorite demon. The one getting the least amount of votes is re-absorbed by Infernal. The last demon standing wins a half million dollars which Infernal has announced he will "put into a trust until the demon is released from its servitude." None of the show's home audience seems to have noticed that the demons don't speak English, have no concept of the rules of the silly contests they're forced to participate in and seem to be eating the camera men at a disheartening rate. As of the last episode, the demon known as "Fred" seems to be leading the popular vote despite his penchant for chewing on live electrical wiring.
Lady Jane... has had great success as the new Paragon City Animal Emergency Response chief. She has done so with a truly innovative method of catching the stray cat and dog populations. She simply straps a suit on composed entirely of raw meat and fish, then wades into the center of them to agro everything within sight all at the same time then waits for her support crew to rescue her.
Lanaru the Mad... Once the forums shut down and Steelclaw was no longer making ridiculous lists and posts every other day, Lanaru seemed to slowly calm down. These days he is known as Lanaru the Surprisingly Reasonable.
Lord Nemesis... With so few heroes to manipulate, Nemesis has decided to retire from active villainy. He is currently organizing his notes and plots with a plan to someday publish his memoirs. Realizing the number of plots he has to organize, he has sought a little help in the endeavor. On an interesting side note; the country of India now has a 100% employment rate.
Lord Recluse... The realization that there were no longer millions of heroes just waiting for him to stick his head out the door so they could remove it for him seemed to lift a great weight from Lord Recluse's shoulders. Indeed, he's lost his reclusive nature almost entirely and has been spotted in various places just taking long walks for the pleasure of being outside. While still officially considered a villain, his enjoyment of his new situation has left him strangely unfocused. As a result, Arachnos has undergone a strangely more lenient shift. For example, heroes were completely unprepared for "casual Fridays" and still get paranoid those days wondering who's a civilian and who is an Arachnos soldier in civies.
Luminary... now works for Apple Inc. She is the spokesperson for their new line of artificial intelligence female androids. The androids are intended to serve as "fully functional" female companions for young men who want all the advantages of having a girlfriend while still being able to program her likes/dislikes to match his own exactly and turn her off any time they want to. The product line is known as the "I-Wish."
Manticore... is STILL involved in his letter writing campaign to NCSoft demanding to know why they couldn't have shut the doors "just a few months sooner!"
Mary Macomber... is recovering nicely from her two month long nervous breakdown.
Mirror Spirit... now finds much more free time for personal reflection. ... ... ... sorry, couldn't resist.
Ms. Liberty... With the death of her beloved grandfather and mother still fresh on her heart, the sudden departure of all the heroes from Atlas Park has left Ms. Liberty decidedly unbalanced. Although under the professional care of the Paragon City Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center, she has been known to frequently escape. When this occurs, they always find her in the same place, standing atop her old platform before the Atlas Statue, accosting passers by and screaming "NOOB!" in their faces at the top of her lungs. Her doctor believes this is the "revelation of a long suppressed desire at last seeing the light of day now that her disciplinary role models have abandoned her."
Mynx... Currently in talks with a lawyer in hopes of shutting down various internet web sites. This occurred shortly after she discovered the horde of fanfictions written 'shipping her with Grumpy Cat.
Numina... broke up with Positron. She claims it was just a "phase" she was going through. ... ... ... yeah, yeah... I know.
Penelope Yin... Started dating Brad Pitt. Currently engaged to be married to same.
Positron... After recovering from the break up with Numina, he began considering turning his romantic intentions towards a certain heroic female scientist he'd had an attraction to, only to discover that she and her player had been locked out with the rest of the exodus. Accepting that he was just unlucky in love, he is now working on marketing Positron's-deoderant-and-hygenic-skin-tight-full-body-glove which he invented during his "helmet on" years.
Romulus Augustus... While news of our departure reached all corners of the modern world, this news didn't filter back through the time stream to Ancient Rome. At first Romulus boasted that he had scared all the super powered beings away. Then he spent a long period of time running from the amphitheater to peek through the huge front gates hoping to see any incoming parties. These days he sits in his room sulking. The servants who attend him as he sleeps frequently hear him whimpering "but... but.... We are nictus..."
Scirocco... Despite his best intentions in turning hero, the curse laid upon him for stealing the Scimitar still remained in force. Every heroic deed he sought to undertake would twist to evil purpose. When he was a villain he realized this and refused to do much of anything unless ordered to do so by Recluse. Unfortunately, his current enthusiasm to "go hero" has the curse working overtime. Truth be told, he makes a better villain now that he's a hero than he ever did when he was a villain.
Silver Mantis... The disappearance of so many playmates and the slow dissipation of Black Scorpion left Silver Mantis feeling... needy. When the itch grew too great for her to bear any longer, Silver Mantis challenged the Freakshow to a fight. All of them. At once. Despite their best efforts the plastic surgeons were unable to sculpt her face into the proper expression of decorum. Those at the funeral were quoted as saying the open casket was not a good idea since the wide smile on her face was just plain creepy.
Swan... Currently working part time at "Lenny's House of Heavenly Bodies"; home of "Get Down Tuesdays! Buck-a-Pluck feather removal in our VIP lounge!"
Synapse... Owner and primary delivery boy for Synapse's Italian Pie Bistro, "if you don't have it in 30 minutes your next three are free!" Strangely enough, the guarantee is void on Tuesdays as that is Synapse's iron-clad day off. Another strange fact is his insistence that all tips from customers be in the form of one dollar bills, only.
Television... still adamantly refuses to allow a digital converter box to be attached to it. As a result the only channel it gets these days is the Grandville Public Access station. GPA only plays about 4 hours of programming a day, resulting in static snow the other 20 hours. Needless to say Television's following has dropped precipitously. The only true follower he has these days is a weird creepy little blonde haired girl... and she always leaves when the Public Access programming comes on.
Vanessa DeVore... Current Governor of the state of Nevada; considering plans to run for a Congressional seat in the next election.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
A new Steelclaw list!
Quote from: Steelclaw on July 15, 2013, 07:33:47 PM
Arbiter Sands... ...grainy...
I see what you did there!
Quote from: Steelclaw on July 15, 2013, 07:33:47 PM
Luminary... now works for Apple Inc. She is the spokesperson for their new line of artificial intelligence female androids. The androids are intended to serve as "fully functional" female companions for young men who want all the advantages of having a girlfriend while still being able to program her likes/dislikes to match his own exactly and turn her off any time they want to. The product line is known as the "I-Wish."
Fembot (http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=4541)
Haha, nice! I enjoyed the Brad Pitt brick-joke!
Super happy to see Steelclaw back with a new list, it makes everything seem better somehow.
Thank you so much, Steel!
I do recall going to bricks just to train up at Swan...never mattered what level I was... ;)
Quote from: Steelclaw on July 15, 2013, 07:33:47 PM
Positron... After recovering from the break up with Numina, he began considering turning his romantic intentions towards a certain heroic female scientist he'd had an attraction to, only to discover that she and her player had been locked out with the rest of the exodus. Accepting that he was just unlucky in love, he is now working on marketing Positron's-deoderant-and-hygenic-skin-tight-full-body-glove which he invented during his "helmet on" years.
I was wondering if this might come up - thank you for not disappointing me. :D
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite
I always referred to Sands as "Arbiter Elvis"! I'm glad someone else corroborated that.
Good stuff!
I hear The Golden Roller got his wheels repo'd, and has to get around on a moped.
Also, The Radio is doing Top 40 now.
Laughing lots - Thanks :)
Sounds like Brad Pitt got rid of two things he didn't need...
Excellent. Just excellent.
Thanks Steelclaw! I always love your work, and it's great to hear what everybody's up to! :D
Y'know... just between you and me, I heard a couple things myself.
It seems Lady Grey has taken up arts and crafts. She gets a lot of orders on Etsy for her Vanguard Heavy plushies in particular. She used to make a series of Red Cap lawn ornaments, but she kept waking up to find them smashed to pieces with smoking jack o'lanterns lying in the rubble. So now she's focusing on developing a line of Rikti bobbleheads instead. One of them's going to be wearing a bushy beard and winter clothing; she's calling him U'Kon Cor'Nelius.
Crimson and Indigo are in the middle of filming a reality show called "Secret Agent: Celebrity Edition". Pink spent the first couple episodes thinking she was one of the judges, what with the whole color-name thing. Not to mention the scene where they try to squeeze Gary Busey into his leather stealth suit. The first episode is set to air sometime in October. It's on Netflix only.
Serge isn't doing so hot these days. With so few heroes needing tailoring, Icon had to close down most of its Paragon City branches. Lauren was snapped up by a group in New York, and Carson started his own place in LA, but Serge refused to leave. Then Trina the Body Sculptress moved in across the street and even Serge's branch had to shut its doors. Now he's partnered with Wal-Mart to release "SpandXL", a line of heroic-themed clothing for plus-sized figures.
Sally has become a lot more friendly now that people aren't attacking her every day, and appears on the shores of Lake Salamanca all the time. She has even been known to pose for tourist photos and the occasional promotional poster. "Sally Says Swim Safe!"
Jack Wolfe, realizing his old career was finished, tried to start over as a stand-up comedian. Unfortunately his "You might be a Luddite if..." jokes were a complete dud, and people quickly dismissed him as ripping off Rodney Dangerfield when he kept repeating "No respecs! I got no respecs!"
Nobody's heard from Percy Winkley in months now.
For some unknown reason, the Midnighter Club has become more effective than ever. According to Montague Castanella, they have so much free time on their hands lately that they've even begun holding monthly bake sales for charity. Their most popular dishes are the signature Midnighter Club Sandwich, and the crowd favorite Cinna-rora Buns.
Mender Roebuck tried his hand at stock trading, thinking he could strike it rich with his knowledge of the future, but he was soon arrested for trying to run a scam. Try as he might, he just couldn't convince the bank that "influence" made a far better currency than money.
Flambeaux has become a world-wide YouTube sensation. Her signature series "Five Minutes with Flambeaux" (not a single episode of which has ever run less than forty minutes) gets a million hits a day. She talks... and talks, and talks, and talks... about shopping, fashion, shopping fashions, and fashionable shopping to an audience numbering in the millions. She has released two unsuccessful music albums, an autobiography called "Like, Totally a Hero", and is set to make her small screen debut in October with the premiere of "Secret Agent: Celebrity Edition".
The Shining Stars eventually broke up, citing creative differences. Flambeaux wanted to focus on her solo career and Grym said "he felt nobody was taking their group seriously". Soon after, Proton began work on a techno-electronic album featuring Twinshot and Dillo on vocals. The lead single, "Achy Breaky Hoorb", is gaining immense popularity in Germany and Japan.
<rofl>
Thanks for the chuckles Steelclaw - amusing stuff as always.
...and, a fine follow-up, Triplash. Good Stuff! ;D
Cheers,
4
Midnighter Club Sandwhich... I'm calling the pun police drones in on that one
thanks for the chuckles all... now to go find that download of Achey breaky Hoorb
I was just happy to see Admissions Officer Lenk (http://paragonwiki.com/wiki/Admissions_Officer_Lenk) get that nice job doing commercials for AT&T (http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxgUkHTvXNoYSV9JR0UdjV-YEYaHVYssQ).
I laughed out loud.
I'm not ashamed to admit that. ;D
(https://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f253/Cyberyeti/Lusca.jpg)
Lusca went downhill and got into abuse of recreational substances, resulting in some embarrassing photos ...
Quote from: Minotaur on July 18, 2013, 05:38:49 PM
Lusca went downhill and got into abuse of recreational substances, resulting in some embarrassing photos ...
Love is indeed a many-tentacled thing...
I was wondering what Kalinda has been up to recently.
Officer Wincott is in talks with Drenched Donuts to do a few commercials.
Atta was originally approached to play Shrek but turned it down.
I heard a few things about the fate of some good folks in Paragon myself...
Faathim the Kind was finally paroled for good behavior. He currently works at a Goodwill store, and often volunteers for public service. In his spare time, he plays chess with Lanaru the Surprisingly Reasonable.
After the incident that lead to the death of Silver Mantis, Drek found himself tremendously bored. Relief and a new direction in life came in the form one Miss Francine Pimm. After a long talk with T33CH@H'Z P3T, Drek decided to attend remedial classes with Miss Pimm, to great success. He would later get his GED and become an auto mechanic. The Freakshow retained a presence on the street; however, often people find their cars mysteriously fixed up instead of wrecked when they're around, and their graffiti has become significantly more legible and easier on the eyes.
The Ghost of Scrapyard can still be seen in Sharkhead Isle, leading worker rallies against the Cage Consortium. However, the loss of so many other heroes seems to have put a damper on him, and he doesn't seem as energetic as he used to be. After all, not even ghosts of his former compatriots are left to accompany him.
An unfinished Clockwork Paladin stands in King's Row, with numerous Clockwork standing around it, idle. When asked why they don't finish it and set it loose, the Cannon Prince in charge stated, "We're waiting on a hero to show up so that we can finish it right as he arrives." Despite attempts to convince them, they refuse to believe that they won't get the chance to troll one more wandering hero. Time will tell if boredom or rust will catch up to them first.
With the vanishing of heroes all over Paragon City, Malta celebrated a victory. However, immediatley following, most of their Sappers and Gunslingers were fired and the all but a tiny fraction of the various Titans were dismantled or disarmed and sold to civilian markets. Former Malta sappers have been taking jobs as electricians and IT specialists, while Gunslingers have been putting their skills to use entertaining crowds with trick-shooting exhibitions during Rodeos.
Eochai and Jack-in-Irons still battle it out in Croatoa. However, after hundreds of physical clashes, they finally realized that physical fights just don't settle anything. They've been broadening their horizons, playing things like rock-paper-scissors, tic-tac-toe, checkers, and in one case, a game of gridiron football. These matches have been just as inconclusive as their fights - Eochai is an excellent player, but Jack cheats to make up the difference in skill.
In the absence of heroes trying to obliterate him, Deathsurge finally got around to enacting his true plan - to enlighten the people of Cap Au Diable about alternative forms of energy. He and the other Cap Au Diable demons can be frequently seen pamphletting civilians. The Luddites approached them about combining efforts, but Deathsurge turned them down. "We don't want to zzzzzzee an end to technologggggy" he was quoted as saying. "We just want to zzzzzee it better uzzzzzzed."
Quote from: Dollmistress on July 20, 2013, 02:11:14 AM
I was wondering what Kalinda has been up to recently.
Kalinda's doing alright for herself. She felt like taking a break from the whole "immense psychic powers" deal for a while, and decided to give the nine-to-five life a try. Already familiar with welcoming new recruits, she took a job as a Wal-Mart greeter. However by the end of the day six different customers had filed complaints about their husbands receiving "Kalinda's Kiss" (in front of the kids no less!) and the company let her go. After that she put her years of experience with Snakes and Spiders to good use and joined Billy the Exterminator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poisqK-QELU) as a Junior Varmint Wrangler. Turns out it's making her far happier than anything at Arachnos ever did, too. Once she even said "It's almost like it was my destiny or something."
Quote from: Kaiser Tarantula on July 20, 2013, 07:48:03 AM
I heard a few things about the fate of some good folks in Paragon myself...
Thanks for passing those along! Good stuff ;D