Act: 1
Sence: 1
Interior, Developer 13's apartment on Talos Island
Modern decor, studio apartment, lots of computer equipment stacked neatly along the walls and in the corners.
The door bell chimes.
Developer 13: Who could that be, on a Sinday, at this hour?
(crosses to the door and opens it.)
Totally Awesome Dude: Howdy-howdy, mind if I come in?
(pushes pass Developer 13.)
Developer 13: Tad, what are you doing here?
(shuts door and follows TAD into apartment.)
Totally Awesome Dude: I know we haven't always been the closest of friends
Developer 13: Stop right there
(interrupting TAD and holding up a hand.)
Developer 13: I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is no. I don't loan money to supers.
Totally Awesome Dude: Ha! You're funny. You know that compared to my fortune, developers' barely make a living wage.
Developer 13: Yeah, I forgot. So what do you want?
Totally Awesome Dude: The Adventure!
(crossing to Developer 13 and putting his hand on Dev's shoulders.)
Totally Awesome Dude: I want back in the game!
Developer 13: We all want the game back, but
Totally Awesome Dude: I got my police scanner working again. It could be like old times!
Developer 13: You're crazy.
Totally Awesome Dude: Am I?
(pulling back he produced a police scanner, it was broken and had wires hanging out, but it crackled to life.)
Police Scanner (radio): 4-13 at 21st and Belle use 10-99
Developer 13: That's incredible!
Police Scanner (radio): pop (puff of smoke)
Totally Awesome Dude: It does that from time to time, but it works!
They both laughed.
Deeveloper 13: Tell me that you can get it working again!
Totally Awesome Dude: (crosses to table and places scanner on it) Well I don't have my tools with me.
Developer 13: (crosses to table and sits down, grabs scanner and moves it towards him) Let me see what I can do.
Totally Awesome Dude: (grabs chair and sits) Dev, I thought you were just software, do you know hardware?
Developer 13: (puts jeweler's eyepiece on) Trust me I know what I'm doing.
Totally Awesome Dude: (watching Developer 13 intently) No, no, stop!
Developer 13: (pulling a green wire) Don't worry.
Police Scanner: (radio) See the woman, 4-19 at 20-12 with 7-43.
Totally Awesome Dude: See, you broke it. It's not making any sense.
Developer 13: We just have to figure out what a 20-12 is and we're home free.
Totally Awesome Dude: Nobody knows what a 20-12 is. We're hosed, loser.
Defeloper 13: Here you go Tad, here's your police scanner back.
Police Scanner: (radio) Attention all units, 19-46 at 56-12 no 94 repeat no 94.
Totally Awesome Dude: Gee thanks.
Act: 1
Scene: 2
Exterior, Talos Island, Paragon City, R.I., outside of a run-down building.
Developer 13: (checks map) This must be the place.
Totally Awesome Dude: Yeah, the scanner said 4-19 and this is 419 S. Spooky Run-Down Warehouse Lane.
Developer 13: (motions towards the door) shall we go in?
Totally Awesome Dude: Yeah, you first.
Developer 13: (doing a chicken emote) What? Are you scared?
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, you nut. No, I need you to check for voids.
Developer 13: Likely story. I think you are going to take off as I go inside.
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, I would never do anything like that.
Developer 13: I don't like it, it's too quiet.
Totally Awesome Dude: Shall I make some noise?
Developer 13: No you idiot. The bad guys are too quiet.
Totally Awesome Dude: What did you expect?
Developer 13: Something like the Minion Song or that Everything Is Awesome song.
Totally Awesome Dude: You want trained killers to sing, "Everything is awesome!"
Developer 13: Well, when you put it that way, anything would sound silly.
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, just go in, look around, and if you get into trouble, explain the use of a ternary.
They both laughed
Act: 1
Scene: 3
Interior, Warehouse type building
Totally Awesome Dude: (whispering) Do you see anything?
Developer 13: How can I with you bothering me all the time?
Totally Awesome Dude: Well excuse me for wanting to live. Those voids scare the bee-gee-bees out of me.
Developer 13: I knew it, you're scared.
Totally Awesome Dude: I'm not scared.
Developer 13: (making chicken noises)
Totally Awesome Dude: I'm not scared.
Developer 13: (making chicken noises a little louder)
Totally Awesome Dude: (shouting) I'm not scared!
Void Stalker: (appearing from around the corner) You ought to be!
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, you Flower Night-ed me!
Void Stalker: (Fires Quantum Array Gun at Totally Awesome Dude)
Totally Awesome Dude: (Falls backwards to the floor)
Developer 13: TAD! (Uses Levitate on Void Stalker) Take that you fiend.
Void Stalker: (Getting up from being thrown to the floor) Hey, I'm just doing my job.
Developer 13: Well, do it somewhere else.
Void Stalker: Fine! (Turns and walks away)
Developer 13: (helping TAD to his feet) You alright?
Totally Awesome Dude: See I told you that I wasn't scared.
Developer 13: You were scared.
Totally Awesome Dude: I wasn't scared.
Act: 2
Scene: 1
Interior, warehouse, shelving with packages.
Developer 13: All we have to do is get past that group and open that crate.
Totally Awesome Dude: You're thinking that the mission objective is in that crate.
Developer 13: Not really, but it looks like a nice crate.
Totally Awesome Dude: You've seen one crate, you've seen them all.
Developer 13: Au contraire!
Totally Awesome Dude: What? Does it have a certain ... je ne sais quoi.
Developer 13: Oui, mon ami.
Totally Awesome Dude: dites-moi pourquoi, s'il vous plaît.
Developer 13: Ok, enough of the French.
Totally Awesome Dude: So we're stopping the French?
Developer 13: Yes, we're stopping the French.
Totally Awesome Dude: Non problemo.
Developer 13: Of all the heroes in all the gin joints in all the world, why do I have to be here with you?
Act: 2
Scene: 2
Interior, warehouse, shelving with packages.
Developer 13: Ok, that was some battle.
Totally Awesome Dude: Yeah, if somebody were writing a book, they might have a difficult time detailing all the intense action and spectacular maneuvers we executed.
Developer 13: Well, there's the crate, open it.
Totally Awesome Dude: Yeah, I not falling for that, you open it.
Developer 13: I'm not trying to trick you, just open the stupid thing.
Totally Awesome Dude: Why don't you open it?
Developer 13: You're closer, and besides, I'm watching out for Voids, remember.
Totally Awesome Dude: (Yawning), You're starting to put me to sleep.
Developer 13: TAD, open the [expletive redacted] crate, you [expletive redacted]!
Totally Awesome Dude: Ok, ok, no need to get huffy. (kneels in front of the crate and begins working the latch mechanism]
Developer 13: What's taking so long?
Totally Awesome Dude: There appears to be a warning label on it, what should I do?
Developer 13: Can you make it out?
Totally Awesome Dude: Yes.
Developer 13: (after a short pause), Well, what does it say!
Totally Awesome Dude: It says that the crate is air-tight when closed, and that young children should be watched around it.
Developer 13: Open the [expletive redacted] thing!
Totally Awesome Dude: Some people. (opens the crate).
(Both heroes receive much needed gear and treasure)
Developer 13: See, I told you so.
Totally Awesome Dude: Yeah, yeah. Hey should we take the crate with us?
Developer 13: Do you expect to meet young children?
Totally Awesome Dude: One never knows what one might need while one adventures into the dark cold terrifying city that is Paragon City.
Developer 13: No, leave the crate.
Totally Awesome Dude: But it is a nice crate.
Developer 13: Five minutes ago you didn't even want to open it.
Totally Awesome Dude: That was then; this is now.
Developer 13: How did you ever make Kheldian?
Totally Awesome Dude: Well it is a long story involving frogs, cam-shafts and a boutineer.
Developer 13: Never mind.
Act: 3
Scene: 1
Interior, warehouse, shelving with packages.
Developer 13: Ok, all we got to do now is get out of here in one piece.
Totally Awesome Dude: How do you suggest we do that?
Developer 13: Well, you wanted adventure, so venture forth.
Totally Awesome Dude: I'm not falling for that, again.
Developer 13: What are you talking about? Didn't I get you this far? Didn't I protect you against all those nasty Voids?
Totally Awesome Dude: Oh sure bring that up in my face. I wasn't scared.
Developer 13: TAD, just follow me and be ready to attack.
Totally Awesome Dude: Ok, but I don't want to attack you, Dev.
Developer 13: On second thought, the door is that way, I have your back.
The two heroes made their way back to the mission door starting point.
Act: 3
Scene: 2
Exterior, run-down warehouse.
Developer 13: We made it!
Void Stalker: Not so fast. (fires weapon at Totally Awesome Dude)
Totally Awesome Dude: (falls to ground) Avenge my death!
Developer 13: (fires a sleep hold on the Void Stalker) TAD, get up, he missed you.
Totally Awesome Dude: (getting to his feet) I faked him out pretty good, don't you think?
Developer 13: You were so scared; you better check your pants.
Totally Awesome Dude: Hey, I wasn't scared; I merely dodged his attack.
Developer 13: You were so scared. (Making chicken noises and doing the chicken dance)
Totally Awesome Dude: He startled me was all. I wasn't scared.
Developer 13: Yeah, startled you to the ground.
Totally Awesome Dude: I tripped over a rock, I just lost my footing for a second.
Developer 13: Yeah sure.
Totally Awesome Dude: So what do you want to do next, another radio mission?
Developer 13: Not with you, scaredy-cat.
Totally Awesome Dude: I wasn't scared, I had something in my eye.
Void Stalker: (wakes, and fires at TAD) Are you scared now?
They all laughed
Act: Epilogue
Scene: 1
Interior, Totally Awesome Dude's Apartment.
Developer 13: You have a nice place here, how much do you make?
Totally Awesome Dude: (wakes up) Hey put that down, that is an antique!
Developer 13: Sorry, how can you afford antiques?
Totally Awesome Dude: I got in on the ground floor of Super Fire Dragon Crunch.
Developer 13: Yeah, I almost went in on that myself, but I don't trust that Dragon.
Totally Awesome Dude: He's really nice, once you get to know him, and get past his sense of humor.
Developer 13: You're probably right, but according to Kolissa he is strictly a screwball.
Totally Awesome Dude: Well, anyway, what do you want to do now?
Developer 13: I was going to go run some more radio missions.
Totally Awesome Dude: Sounds great, when do you want to start?
Developer 13: You ain't coming.
Totally Awesome Dude: Why not?
Developer 13: You're a scaredy-cat.
Totally Awesome Dude: I wasn't scared, I had something in my eye.
They all laughed
Act: Epilogue
Scene: 1 (continued)
Interior, Totally Awesome Dude's Apartment.
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, we really do make a great team.
Developer 13: Yeah, they scare you and I put them to sleep.
Totally Awesome Dude: C'mon, I'm serious.
Developer 13: Look, a controller and ... whatever you are.
Totally Awesome Dude: Peacebringer! I was merged with a Kheldian and ....
Developer 13: (interrupting) Like I said, whatever you are, just isn't enough DPS.
Totally Awesome Dude: What's DPS?
Developer 13: Double Power Strokes.
Totally Awesome Dude: What does that mean?
Developer 13: Our team is too small, we can only attack a tiny group or single boss target.
Totally Awesome Dude: Well, we could invite more peeps.
Developer 13: Who do you know?
Totally Awesome Dude: Necrophillia.
Developer 13: Too Creepy.
Totally Awesome Dude: Super Fire Dragon.
Developer 13: Too Silly.
Totally Awesome Dude: Some Nut With A Gun.
Developer 13: Too Nutty.
Totally Awesome Dude: The Paragon Avenger.
Developer 13: Too Powerful
Totally Awesome Dude: Dr. Wos.
Developer 13: Too Confusing, is he a doctor or a scrapper, nobody knows.
Totally Awesome Dude: He's a scrapper, and a very good one. Dr. Wos is an anagram for sword.
Developer 13: Yeah, Too Confusing. What's an anagram anyway?
Totally Awesome Dude: A jumbled up word, how about Ice Mannix.
Developer 13: He's busy being a father.
Totally Awesome Dude: Vince Dastardly.
Developer 13: Just, no.
Totally Awesome Dude: Rare Earth, Marshal Darkness.
Developer 13: No and no.
Totally Awesome Dude: What about The Fattinator.
Developer 13: No, he's too big and he's too yellow.
They all laughed
Act: Finale
Scene: 1
Exterior, Outside of Totally Awesome Dude's Apartment.
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, it was great teaming with you.
Developer 13: Yeah, we'll have to do it again sometime.
Totally Awesome Dude: You want to go out for a beer?
Developer 13: Thanks, but no thanks. I have to ....
(Just then a Rikti transport ship appeared in the sky and Rikti started teleporting to the street below.)
Developer 13: Great, just great..
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, why are you imitating Super Fire Dragon?
Developer 13: Look! (Grabbing TAD by the shoulders and turning him around so he could see the Rikti teleporting in.)
Totally Awesome Dude: Tell me that there are other heroes around here.
Developer 13: TAD, it was nice knowing you.
Totally Awesome Dude: Dev, fighting Rikti is the only way to out.
(The two intrepid heroes battled the Rikti, in vain.)
THE END.