Part of what I was trying to share: for laypeople, using chat.cohtitan.com is easier. This isn't exactly something you'd want to do just to be able to chat in a "private room".
Which explains my Zeroth Step: I didn't create an XMPP server just for Paragon Chat. One of my family members distrusts Social Media, including Facebook, Hangouts, Twitter, etc. and this is a way for me to keep in touch with them without involving the whole Internet. (In the OP, I didn't mention in this how to set up TLS Certificates for encryption. On my server, I certainly did.)
I enabled the modules I did to get Paragon Chat to work, but I didn't have to do it for my solution to function. In fact, I find it amusing map-diving into the places I've never seen in the game (I didn't play CoV a whole lot, my biggest regret with the game) while chatting with them unaware (and stuck with Xabber with no idea what I'm doing on my end.)
Splitting away from Titan Network would presume that chat.cohtitan.com has no value to me. As the Grand Central Station to Paragon Chat, it most certainly does: I am still able to sign into there even after doing this, I retain all of my costumes and characters between multiple XMPP signins, and I'm still meeting new people as they land in Atlas Park going "Whoa!" after logging in for the first time.
(Plus I can switch off: put my sibling on Miranda NG, while in Paragon Chat under chat.cohtitan.com.)
As for the private server: yeah, it's a lot of work to make a sibling happy, but so far it's doing pretty well, and it cost me about 5 hours (the same time I'd have spent on a hand made Christmas Gift that they'd marginally appreciate and let collect dust in an attic).