Wanting to leave the bigot. Again.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Previous history here: http://www.cohtitan.com/forum/index.php/topic,11415.0.html

Frankly, after a reminder about a doctor's appointment I made many months ago about a medical problem that was bugging me back then and has for the most part cleared up since was sent on the phone, she started getting on my case. Ordering me to "dress straight" and trying to justify her unreasonable demand that the doctor will refuse me service even though state law says he couldn't even if he wanted to (I might wind up cancelling it anyway since I don't have the problem anymore), declaring that I'm "still a man" and justifying her refusal to use the right pronouns, and implying that there was a lot nastier shit she could say, she's shown no sign of actual change. I'm pretty much tempted to just give up on her and get the fuck out of here again, because I cannot live with someone who hates who I am. I'm feeling tears that won't come out and feeling so much frustration.

I can't deal with it anymore.

[Waffles]

Uhm...what?

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Uhm...what?

Thank you for your insightful, in depth review of my current situation. 

[Shenku]

If she's still being this bad, and you're still feeling that much hostility from her, it might be time to leave that environment for the long term and cut ties with her. Even as painful as that may be to do it might be the best option, because if she's really not getting any better, as much as I'd hate to say it, she might not ever get any better. Some people just don't change, sad as that is...

But honestly, it might be best to move on and out anyways before something more serious happens, because after all, if she's threatened you before, it's probably unwise to risk her following through on such threats if she might get worse than she already is. Besides, even if she never follows through on her threats, no one needs that kind of negativity in their life in the first place. If dealing with her makes you this unhappy, or her words/actions make you fearful of her, then leave and go somewhere else where you won't have to deal with her, and you can ensure your safety.

I know she's your mother, and I know it's a hard thing to consider, but this is the best advice I can think to give...

[Nyghtshade]

I have to agree with Shenku - some people just can't change, and if they're behavior is a constant barrage of negativity and undermining your choices and your real identity, then staying there is just toxic.  Literally toxic, it can ruin not just your day but your immune system.

If you are ready to leave, is there a safe place you can go while you figure out your next steps (job, new living arrangements, support groups, etc?)

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I received a couple offers for a place to crash after making a series of posts about this on my Facebook. So yeah, I'll have a safe place to go. It's just trying to figure out how to do this without her raising a big stink over it, as a couple months ago after things had been allegedly "settled" I had to sign an 11 month lease with her for the apartment. The last couple times a subject like this was broached, she threatened a legal suit or stated that I'd still half to pay half of her rent regardless of where I was actually living. In other words, she's not going to make any sort of separation easy. 

Fortunately I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, so I can discuss this issue with her. May have to ask her to intervene on this.

[beveri8469]

good luck. i hope everything works out for u and can leave that situation peacefully.

[Waffles]

Thank you for your insightful, in depth review of my current situation. 

Just seems like a rather strange forum for that.

[Nyghtshade]

Just seems like a rather strange forum for that.

Actually, given how close and supportive the CoH community has generally been for one another, it seems like a fine forum for this. 

[Victoria Victrix]

Well, given the actual cost of litigation, and the likelihood of having her own dirty laundry dragged into a public court, I think the threat of suing you for rent is a hollow one.  Your therapist will probably have better information than me.

Regardless, this situation is completely toxic and has the potential to turn deadly, and I think you are wise to plan to get the heck out.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Actually, given how close and supportive the CoH community has generally been for one another, it seems like a fine forum for this.

Exactly. We've always been there for each other whenever someone's had a problem. And I posted these threads under "General," so the subject isn't a huge non sequitur. If you have nothing to add to the thread, Waffles, stay out of it or I'll start using that Report function.

Well, given the actual cost of litigation, and the likelihood of having her own dirty laundry dragged into a public court, I think the threat of suing you for rent is a hollow one.  Your therapist will probably have better information than me.

Regardless, this situation is completely toxic and has the potential to turn deadly, and I think you are wise to plan to get the heck out.

Thank you for that, Ms. Lackey. It probably is a hollow threat, but I just know she's going to try to find some way to make a scene over it. She was pretty much spamming my email and my therapist's voice mail the last time I flew the coop.

[Shenku]

Well, you can always block/mark as spam her emails and not have to see them, and while I'm not 100% sure off hand, I think there's a way for phone companies to block calls from specific numbers in cases like this if that's a real issue with your therapist getting spammed too. I'm not entirely sure what all is involved with that though...

Regardless, just cause she'll raise a fuss over you leaving, don't let that discourage you from leaving anyways, because staying might just be worse. Your safety, both physically and emotionally, are more important than how upset she may be at your leaving, and never let her make you think otherwise.

If you have to, don't even let it be obvious you're leaving, just grab a few essentials, toss 'em into a bag, and go. You can always come back later with friends (As witnesses, or even bring police if you fear it might escalate.) to collect the rest of your things later. Even if she does try something, then at least you won't have to deal with it alone.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Well, I just discussed things with one of my friends from my support group about how we're gonna do this. It'll be late Saturday and they'll be recruiting a couple friends of theirs (a married couple) with a car to help me get some of my essentials out with me. My friend described the husband as this "big Juggalo type" so, if things get crazy with my mother there'll be witnesses and muscle to make her think twice about things.

[Waffles]

Waffles, stay out of it or I'll start using that Report function.

I'm shaking.

Keep your threats to yourself, confusion isn't grounds for moderator action, nor is me replying to such a petty, childish threat, and I will comment on these forums in any way I desire, barring blatant trolling and misconduct without penalty, understand?

With that being said... here's hoping your little issue gets resolved in a timely manner, and I can only wish you good luck and a quick resolution.

[TonyV]

I need a "stern look" smilie...

Be nice, people.

[eabrace]

That being said...

Good luck, Bloodwrath.  I hope it works out for you.

[Victoria Victrix]

Well, I just discussed things with one of my friends from my support group about how we're gonna do this. It'll be late Saturday and they'll be recruiting a couple friends of theirs (a married couple) with a car to help me get some of my essentials out with me. My friend described the husband as this "big Juggalo type" so, if things get crazy with my mother there'll be witnesses and muscle to make her think twice about things.

I also suggest there be at least one, if not several, people recording everything with the video function on their phones and make it obvious you are doing so.

An off-hand remark like "I'd love to have a viral YouTube video" just might make her retreat into a room and let you get your stuff out in peace.

[Shenku]

I also suggest there be at least one, if not several, people recording everything with the video function on their phones and make it obvious you are doing so.

An off-hand remark like "I'd love to have a viral YouTube video" just might make her retreat into a room and let you get your stuff out in peace.

I agree with this idea. Plus it's useful to have as video evidence if for whatever reason she does try to drag you into court, whether over the lease issue or otherwise, because if she does act up anyways despite being filmed, you have proof of why it is that you left.

[healix]

MB, I wish you all the peace and love I can muster.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

Just several more hours now.

[Mistress Bloodwrath]

I'm out of there. As expected, she made a scene. Actually tried blocking us at the door of my room.

[Nyghtshade]

Glad you're free of the drama, but sorry it was so stressful.  Good luck with sorting out things with that lease.