I am angry

[emu265]

*usual disclaimer about not knowing where this goes so feel free to move it or just kill it with fire or your element of choice but not earth because it's a dumb element*

I'll try not to get all that ranty, because really who likes to read a wall of angst?  Not me.  So lately I've run into some problems with my social life.  Pretty standard stuff, nothing all that serious.  But it made me realize that I have been... very angry since the shutdown announcement.  Let's see... that was August 31st.  It's April 5th.  I count about seven months, but I study history and not math so I'd give or take a year or so on that estimate. 

I didn't notice until now.  But every time someone ignores me or does something I don't like I start seeing demons (figuratively speaking) and wondering what their real motives are.  Mostly it comes down to me being absolutely terrified of surprise betrayal, or even apathy.  What's a twenty-something to do?  Well usually it makes me want to light all the things on fire, or something similarly destructive.  Not that I actually would, it's a hyperbole.  So kindly leave me off the government watch lists.  Point:  it makes me really angry.

Now... I realize that this is how I feel towards NCSoft.  It's how I've felt for a long time.  I was crushed by the announcement and subsequent shutdown... but I really didn't think it would continue to affect me after Cities was gone.  I really thought I'd move on.  But apparently that's not the case.  Instead I'm just angry at everything.  (I mean, I'm stable enough to function ((I'm emotional anyways)) so don't worry.)  Anyone else feeling anything like this?     

[Captain Electric]

I may as well have written that. Well, except for the last part, where you say you're angry at everything. I certainly have had some real uncharacteristic moments--I almost threw a shoe at my roommate the other night because I didn't feel like meeting our friends for drinks and he said something like, "Dude, get your sissy panties on and let's go." I think he thought I was kidding when I picked up the shoe. I was really going to throw it.

I have some hobbies and interests, just as I'm sure you do, and I'm leaning more heavily on them.

City of Heroes was a big part of my routine, the most efficient destresser and wind-downer I'd found in years. Just looking at a random video or screenshot sometimes has given me a brief residual sense or feeling of calmness. I don't know what it was about beating up crooks and nazis and xenophobic extradimensionals, but for four years--on an almost nightly basis sometimes--I swear to you it made me a better person.

Imagination is a powerful thing. I've always had an overactive one. Novels, movies, even comic books. When I get lost in a story, I'm so there--even happens when I'm writing stories sometimes, with my own characters. I lived in Paragon City. During those hours, I may as well have really been there. Lots of fun and memories.

[Menrva Channel]

Now... I realize that this is how I feel towards NCSoft.  It's how I've felt for a long time.  I was crushed by the announcement and subsequent shutdown... but I really didn't think it would continue to affect me after Cities was gone.  I really thought I'd move on.  But apparently that's not the case.  Instead I'm just angry at everything.  (I mean, I'm stable enough to function ((I'm emotional anyways)) so don't worry.)  Anyone else feeling anything like this?     

Yes. Many fans of CoH. I have two best friends and a handful of guy friends that formed out super group. We were just six, but we /were/ a small army. We did TFs, Events, chatted--everything. We still get together, but we all have felt the hole left by the departure of City of. The last few months of the game were terribly lonely for me as I was the only one who signed on regularly. Thankfully, I had the chat channel--but even then, it was hard to play. I thought I'd move on as well or that the hole would fill. Now, nearly five months after it's closed, I still have those moments of "man, I'd love to log in right now and play" or even just... just fly around the city. I'm  not good at demos and my current job does not allow me to become familiar with them, but every time I see a fan video--or screen shot--I'm brought back and I miss it. I must admit surprised.

I didn't think it was possible to miss a game that much--but then, I realized Dec. 1st it wasn't /just/ a game. It was /everything/ about the game that I missed. It's missing Victory Global and the chatter that was better than late night t.v. It's missing the creation of an endless array of characters with super powers--or toying with Mission Architect. It's missing playing my favorite arcs--or visiting my favorite zones. It's missing punching Rommy in the /face/ and experiencing the grandeur of Cim. It's fighting along side 20 other players as we rise against Cole and finally defeat him... It's the /community/ and the creativity--and the content. THAT is what made the game. You /could/ do anything, be anyone. And it's not going to be found any where else. I think that's where the anger and frustration comes from. We have lost something great. And we still grieve.

I really wish I could say something better than "you are not alone", but that's all I can really give. :/ I have found that by being in these boards it helps, because we have retained a small part of the community. And if you have others to help keep the memory alive, then it's not so far away.

[JaguarX]

I may as well have written that. Well, except for the last part, where you say you're angry at everything. I certainly have had some real uncharacteristic moments--I almost threw a shoe at my roommate the other night because I didn't feel like meeting our friends for drinks and he said something like, "Dude, get your sissy panties on and let's go." I think he thought I was kidding when I picked up the shoe. I was really going to throw it.

I have some hobbies and interests, just as I'm sure you do, and I'm leaning more heavily on them.

City of Heroes was a big part of my routine, the most efficient destresser and wind-downer I'd found in years. Just looking at a random video or screenshot sometimes has given me a brief residual sense or feeling of calmness. I don't know what it was about beating up crooks and nazis and xenophobic extradimensionals, but for four years--on an almost nightly basis sometimes--I swear to you it made me a better person.

Imagination is a powerful thing. I've always had an overactive one. Novels, movies, even comic books. When I get lost in a story, I'm so there--even happens when I'm writing stories sometimes, with my own characters. I lived in Paragon City. During those hours, I may as well have really been there. Lots of fun and memories.

Yeah this is the reason I'm so behind as far as fiction stuff goes. I write my own material and dont need other fiction, too much fiction, in a subliminal manner affecting my own creativity.

[Stone Daemon]

*usual disclaimer about not knowing where this goes so feel free to move it or just kill it with fire or your element of choice but not earth because it's a dumb element*

Wait, what?



 I have nothing constructive to add, just wanted to make you smile.