...I was ok when I read this. But my face locked into a stony frown and stayed there. I talked about it with some teammates, on Virtue, looking pret-ty empty tonight. We ran a MoKahn run (got uber-decked the 1st part of mish in City Hall; played 10% more conservatively and won 2nd try.). During that time...I began to feel more and more disturbed, to the point where I was vibrating...and then, the fugitive tears started leaking. I told a few people, thinking they'd admit the same...but they were pretty quiet and just offered hugs. I got off the game. And held out for another 30 seconds, and then it was like someone ripped streams of acid from my eyes, and a terrible screech from my soul. I wept for a good 5-10 minutes, very intensely, and bemoaned the fact of their post...ending with "How could you...how could you...", shaking and sobbing. And then, I forced myself to put on my glasses, and read the rest of this thread.
How *strong* you all are. I...I sincerely hope you're all right. I've been a very firm, unbreakable boulder in my belief that this game will pass onto stewards that will cherish it far more than the current owners do. I've been very active on Save COH wall on FB (before this week I would have said "extremely active", but real life and exhaustion tends to intrude on all of us sooner or later). I've made friends there, shared laughs, amazing pictures, even my local museum in Denver is putting on (in a VERY timely manner I might add), a "Superheroes Assemble" night [http://bit.ly/T0sjYj for those who wanna take a peek]. I feel like I was set on fire tonight, and I raged and wept and suffered horribly...for about 20-30 mins total. I was slowly, inexorably crumbled.
And that's what you wanted...wasn't it? (shakes head faintly) I am such a fool.
Now all that is left is the smoldering, steaming core. I am reconstituting my will. I am clenching my teeth a little more. And...I...am...*angry*...that NCSoft would either a) REALLY mean all this, and bury us to save face/keep their pride, or b) try and snow all of us in "business speak defeatist talk" [Run along back to your homes now, we mean it, it really is martial law.]
I am *PISSED OFF*.
And I can dream about sending my SuperClone out to NCSoft corporate HQ to tear out the key foundation stones one by one in their building, and then hear them plead to spare their building and their lives, and put on a stony vigilante face and say "
...Nope. I, uh, "exhausted all my options" with you guys. *
yanks out final keystone and listens to the aftermath*"...but that isn't going to happen. I do feel a few things, though.
I feel very fortunate to be blessed, in my weakened, vulnerable moment tonight, by the presence of people who are still having the bullets bounce off them. Who feel immovable about their positivity and their "we see right through you, NCSoft" X-ray eyes. Who have, a personal blessing, kept this thread mostly free of their own possible (probable?) tears, pain, suffering, and rage at the announcement; after all the work and sweat and toil and love and kindness and joy and suffused soul collective we have poured into this. I finally buckled after a few weeks (about 2) of staying tear-free. You all did not. (Perhaps you are all killer cyborgs from the future -- that might make for an excellent action film
) I want to thank you all, for all these qualities, and more...especially in this thread to date. Thank *you*.
...All that being said...I said I was going to stay until the final power switch was flipped, the server connection lost, Marauder throws me pinwheeling out the front of the saloon door (in which case, he better run when I get my footing back
). And I still am. Now...reading all this...I don't know whether it's all foolhardy blustering to soften what just happened and deflect us from viewing it all square on, or whether things *really are* going on behind the scenes (I pray they are.) -- but I am more immovable and intractible than before about refusing to budge.
You might slap me across the face with your words, NCSoft.
You might punch me with an adamantium fist in the ribcage.
You might uppercut me until I fall back onto the cement with a concussion and *wish* I was dead from daring to stand against you.
But I am not dead.
I am still human. And I still grieve from your words, and suffer -- and weep. I am still...at least partially human. (faint smile)
But you have packed my stubbornness into neutron star density now. Who knows where it will go from here? I guess that's up to you.
I. Am Not. Budging.
(sudden thought, time to invoke the Captain America quote and wall print that has been circulating around the Save COH wall on FB as of late.)
*YOU* Move.
~~ @Sunlover (also Stephen K on "Save COH" wall on FB)
