Guys, I finally figured out how to get the game back in 11 easy steps. It's so simple, I'm surprised no one here had thought of it before.
Step 1: Establish contact with NCSoft reps. As previously noted, Korean culture makes this it's own ordeal, which will not be discussed here.
Step 2: Make an extremely lowball offer on the game.
Step 3: (*There appears to be mustard spilled on the page here. You do not eat mustard. You have never eaten mustard. The question of the mustard will remain a mystery for all time.*)
Step 4: Step 4 must not be spoken. Step 4 will be revealed when the supplicant intones the Ever-Shifting Name of the great demon God known as Shiggorothrax under a harvest moon.
Step 4A: Summon a lesser demonic creature that can reveal to you the current form of Shiggorothrax's Name. If one prefers, certain Angelic beings may also be consulted, but are much
more likely to smite one for the insolence of their summoning.
Step 4 (Cont.): Invoke the proper Name of Shiggorothrax (the requisite modifications to the summoner's tongue to pronounce the current name of Shiggorothrax will not be discussed here, but can be easily found in La Croix's Summoning Dark Lords of the Pit (For Dummies)) DO NOT mispronounce the current Name of Shiggorothrax.
Step 5: After commiting the seven ritualistic murders with the Dagger of Slentox (sold separately) that Shiggorothrax will inevitably demand in return for revealing Step 4, complete step 4.
Step ?3K@A"c6CAW: When reality has reasserted itself and the blinding pain of the Transformation has ended, the supplicant will possess the Answer to The Great Question.
Step 7: If the Transformation has left the supplicant with a mouth capable of human speech, contact the previously established NCSoft rep (likely over the phone, as the supplicant's nightmarish appearance will be enough to shatter the sanity of lesser beings) and speak the Answer.
Step 8: After the screaming stops, demand the return of City of Heroes.
Step 9: Wait patiently, it may take several days for the NCSoft rep to regain enough of his mental faculties to feed himself, let alone bring about the return of the game.
Step 10: Play the game, roll up some new characters, tell all your friends (the one's who survived The Great Purge brought about by step 4). Hopefully the Transformation has left you with the necessary appendages to use a mouse and keyboard.
Step 11: Enjoy!
Couldn't be easier, right!?