Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222462 times)

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #200 on:** January 10, 2015, 02:34:43 AM »

Further details have been learned about the recent hack of City of Heroes.

It all started when one of the hackers AE arc got nerfed.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #201 on:** January 11, 2015, 01:21:46 AM »

More details about the City of Heroes hack ...

They have posted on-line the password to the midnighters' club, and are threatening to post other sensitive information unless they demands are met.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #202 on:** January 12, 2015, 07:08:55 AM »

As it turns out, the hackers have stolen a backup copy of i21.
So there is no danger to the game in that THeM is trying to pyrchase from our friends at NCSoft.

Floride · « **Reply #203 on:** January 12, 2015, 06:27:45 PM »

This just in... DC has announced the purchase of the City of Heroes comic book franchise and plans to relaunch the defunct MMO based on the comic. DC plans to retire many of the CoH heroes in favor of DC staples, such as replacing Statesman with Superman, Manticore with Batman, and Swan for Wonderwoman. DC expects the old CoH fans to embrace these changes based on the naive opinions of it's marketing department. More as the story unfolds...

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #204 on:** January 14, 2015, 04:57:24 AM »

This just in ...
During a recent meeting with NCSoft, one of the THeM belched the Star Spangled Banner. This impressed the South Korean executives that they tried belching their county's national anthem. They ended up in the hospital with multiple fractures and contusions. This might set the pace of the negotiations to the slowest it has every been.

Eoraptor · « **Reply #205 on:** January 14, 2015, 10:59:05 PM »

While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #206 on:** January 15, 2015, 02:48:36 AM »

Quote from: Eoraptor on January 14, 2015, 10:59:05 PM

While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.

City of Heroes: Atlantis.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #207 on:** January 16, 2015, 08:01:35 AM »

This just in,

In an effort to show respect to the NCSoft executives hosting the negotiations, THeM staged a 21 fart gun salute.

It lost something in the translation.

Blackgrue · « **Reply #208 on:** January 16, 2015, 11:31:49 PM »

This just in,

NCSoft's new Trademark filing "Heart of Thorns" thought to be a Guild Wars 2 Expansion turns out to be a City of Heroes Expansion dealing with the Circle of Thorns.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #209 on:** January 17, 2015, 05:43:59 AM »

Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on January 16, 2015, 08:01:35 AM

This just in,

In an effort to show respect to the NCSoft executives hosting the negotiations, THeM staged a 21 fart gun salute.

It lost something in the translation.

I guess I stole GrueGirl's post, well she is a minion.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #210 on:** January 17, 2015, 11:29:21 PM »

This just in,

NCSoft has turned down the offer that the THeM made citing irreconcilable differences.

As it turns out, you can not show up to corporate headquarters and expect to get anyway while dressed up like circus clowns.

Members of the THeM could not be reached for comment, but did release the following statement:
"Smell my flower"

Ankhammon · « **Reply #211 on:** January 19, 2015, 12:12:28 AM »

Quote from: Eoraptor on January 14, 2015, 10:59:05 PM

While searching the southern indian ocean for remains of malaysian air airliner, investigators discovered several large rectangular objects. they were later determine to be the dumped game servers and account information for NCSoft customer's City of Heroes accounts. more nws on this discovery after the sharks stop circling the boxes.

So Captain Mako won?

Pengy · « **Reply #212 on:** January 19, 2015, 01:30:34 AM »

Aw, look at the cute shark playing City of Villains!

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #213 on:** January 20, 2015, 05:56:50 AM »

This just in ...

It turns out the reason talks seem to us to be taking forever is that no source or binary code exists for the game City of Heroes. So, NCSoft is feverishly trying to re-code the game from scratch while leading the THeM on.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #214 on:** January 22, 2015, 04:28:43 AM »

This just in,

The talks with NCSoft have stalled over the placement of the Icons on the opening screen.
NCSoft wants their Icon to the far left and Paragon Studios Icon to the right of Cryptic.
MWM wants their icon in the middle with Cryptic on the right and Paragon Studios on the left with NCSoft's icon on the other side of the opening screen.
Disney wants their icon in the upper left corner, but nobody knows why.

Blackgrue · « **Reply #215 on:** January 22, 2015, 03:13:50 PM »

Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on January 22, 2015, 04:28:43 AM

This just in,

The talks with NCSoft have stalled over the placement of the Icons on the opening screen.
NCSoft wants their Icon to the far left and Paragon Studios Icon to the right of Cryptic.
MWM wants their icon in the middle with Cryptic on the right and Paragon Studios on the left with NCSoft's icon on the other side of the opening screen.
Disney wants their icon in the upper left corner, but nobody knows why.

A Cryptic spokesperson has been quoted as saying "Why the hell do we care?" and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #216 on:** January 22, 2015, 11:01:51 PM »

This just in,

The new City of Heroes will allow open game play for leagues.
That's right, contacts missions, radio missions, bank missions, paper missions, task forces, trials, AE missions even signature story arcs can be played with a league of up to 6 teams of 8 players.

Some of the maps might get a bit crowded.

Sugoi · « **Reply #217 on:** January 23, 2015, 09:32:20 PM »

Ah, just imagining running the 'Wedding Cake' Cave run with 48 Masterminds on the team. And in reality, it'd probably be worse than I can imagine.

Paragon Avenger · « **Reply #218 on:** January 23, 2015, 11:21:09 PM »

48 robotic MasterMinds.
The noise would be horrific.

Demon Summoning as well.

Eoraptor · « **Reply #219 on:** January 24, 2015, 02:07:21 AM »

screen rendering tasks strong enough to turn your vid card into a jet engine/space heater ;P

News:

Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates) (Read 222462 times)