*forehead in hands*
1. I feel that to want this so much, is to jinx the efforts being made. So I try not to think of it too much. Nothing I want this badly can possibly happen, right... so I try to distract myself from increasingly numerous and intrusive thoughts of WHAT WOULD I DO FIRST, IF IT CAME BACK!!!??? Then I mentally stuff that genie right back into its lamp. Shhh. Don't attract the negative attention of the powers that be.
2. This is stressful. Potentially good stress, but stress. I need to work off this stress. This could only be done by being in the game. But no game. So I log into CO, run one alert and am overcome by boredom. I log back off. I think about how badly I want this to happen. But I cant think about it too much, because that might jinx things. Its a terrible infinity loop of circular logic. Or magical thinking.