Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that it was all a misunderstanding.  They never meant to shutter the game, City of Heroes.
They wanted to upgrade the game, but it turns out that the English phrase, "we are going to upgrade the game."  Can sound like the English phrase, "We are going to unplug the game."
The reaction was so strong that the only way to save face was to close the game.

[Tubbius]

In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

I would buy the FOOL out of that. 

[KennonGL]

Quote from: johng736@gmail.com on November 03, 2014, 07:50:19 am

In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

I would buy the FOOL out of that. 

Actually, having been inspired by this; I have one nearly completed.

Copyright infringements galore, so I can't ever even think about selling it of course.

I've got a board overlay completed and am printing up the new Task Force (chance)
and Hero Contact (community chest) cards.  Houses and Hotels are replaced by IO Sets
and Incarnate Unlocks.

All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.

[Paragon Avenger]

Actually, having been inspired by this; I have one nearly completed.

Copyright infringements galore, so I can't ever even think about selling it of course.

I've got a board overlay completed and am printing up the new Task Force (chance)
and Hero Contact (community chest) cards.  Houses and Hotels are replaced by IO Sets
and Incarnate Unlocks.

All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.

AWESOME!

If you ever do publish it, all I would want is a free copy for having the idea.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that it was all a misunderstanding.  They never meant to shutter the game, City of Heroes.
They wanted to upgrade the game, but it turns out that the English phrase, "we are going to upgrade the game."  Can sound like the English phrase, "We are going to unplug the game."
The reaction was so strong that the only way to save face was to close the game.

NCSoft: We wish to unplug City of Heroes ...
The World: No!  You can't!  Why?
NCSoft: What, don't you want a better game?

Language, it keeps getting in the way.

[Eoraptor]

NCSoft has today announced they will be retaining the rights to City of Heroes after all. They will combine these with the rights to Auto Assault, Tabula Rsa, and the soon-to-be defunct Wildstar Online to create a Frankenstein property of outdated technologies and grinding pay-for-play mechanics which will secure the rights to various properties and game mechanics to them in perpetuity.

[Power Gamer]

NCSoft has today announced they will be retaining the rights to City of Heroes after all. They will combine these with the rights to Auto Assault, Tabula Rsa, and the soon-to-be defunct Wildstar Online to create a Frankenstein property of outdated technologies and grinding pay-for-play mechanics which will secure the rights to various properties and game mechanics to them in perpetuity.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in ...
The proof of developer viable totally blow away the NCSoft that examined it.
The creative use of reclusive while loops, the brilliant substitution of Lambda expressions and the totally radical object model inheritance and polymorphism were programming techniques that the team, up to that point, had only heard of.
Stuff like:
Int16 x;
x++;

Impressed the [waffles] out of NCSoft.

[Blondeshell]

All I'm really missing right now is a complete set of the Heroclix figures that I want to use
for the game tokens.

Time to go shopping!

[Tubbius]

Time to go shopping!

Just remember there are 8.

Statesman (with cape)
Statesman (without cape)
Positron
Manticore
Lord Recluse
Ghost Widow
Captain Mako
Black Scorpion

[Blondeshell]

[Paragon Avenger]

I wanna play Lord Recluse.

(Monopoly, City of Heroes Edition, great idea, glad I had it.)

[Paragon Avenger]

This just in ...
Anybody remember the movie "Office Space"?
Well, that's kind of what happened to City of Heroes.

It was all about a man and his stapler.

[Power Gamer]

This just in ...
Anybody remember the movie "Office Space"?
Well, that's kind of what happened to City of Heroes.

It was all about a man and his stapler.

Didn't he end up in the Bahamas? Why am I not in the Bahamas?
Or wait...are you saying NCSoft is the stapler guy...oh man...this makes so much more sense...

[Paragon Avenger]

Note to successor projects don't be chinsy with the staplers.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that the developer viable submitted by the team attempting to acquire the license to the IP was completely unprofessional.
The simple programming task is as to add a new emote and a new costume piece. 
The emote had several clipping errors and didn't work with all costume and body types.
The new costume piece had the wrong texture and changed color under various
lighting situations.

In other words, they matched the CoX standards.
It looks like you guys have yourself a MMO, may God help you.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft announced today that the developer viable submitted by the team attempting to acquire the license to the IP was completely unprofessional.
The simple programming task is as to add a new emote and a new costume piece. 
The emote had several clipping errors and didn't work with all costume and body types.
The new costume piece had the wrong texture and changed color under various
lighting situations.

In other words, they matched the CoX standards.
It looks like you guys have yourself a MMO, may God help you.

This just in from THeM;
Tony or that other guy was quoted as saying,
"We purposefully made it not as good as we could.  So that it would match the rest of CoH.  But remember that it isn't a done deal yet."
This reporter wishes these guys would wear name tags or something.

[Paragon Avenger]

NCSoft Executive after reading the previous post: You fools, you tried to trick us.  No sale.

[Paragon Avenger]

The package of developer viability was a right cross to the chin of the NCSoft team leader.  Whose name is Chen.
Everybody thought the irony was so funny, that they started laughing.
They laughed so hard that they couldn't breathe.
They all died.
So now we have to start all over again from scratch.

[Tahquitz]

After an argument between Faultline and Fusionette the week before their pending nuptials, Fusionette said on live TV that "the wedding is so off, my only choice left is to go for the nuclear option..."  The Freedom Phalanx made no comment, as they looked exasperated enough already from having to restore Paragon City to order after being under government shutdown since 2012.

Two hours later, Fusionette died in a nuclear meltdown, decimating Independence Port and surrounding environs.