Author Topic: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)  (Read 222385 times)

Goddangit

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #100 on: October 28, 2014, 10:40:43 PM »
Monday, November 3rd it will be announced that City of Heroes will be returning... as dinner theatre.  It is rumored there will be special audience participation as heavy objects will be dropped on lucky diners.  Choose your seating carefully.

The role of Statesman will be played by Mickey Rourke.
Miss Liberty will be played by Roseanne Barr.

Other cast members to be announced.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2014, 03:28:54 AM by Goddangit »

Joshex

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #101 on: October 29, 2014, 12:18:27 PM »
This just in: in a random turn of events NCSoft made a split second decision and decided to sell City of Heroes and Villains to Rockstar after they put forwards a request early this morning.

Rockstar has released a memo stating they hope to make City of villains more like their hit series 'Grand Theft Auto' in an attempt to balance the player base more between hero and villain sides.

As for this reporter; I will be applying at Rockstar for a job in person later today.
Spoiler for Hidden:
(only one sentence here is true news and is not CoH related and most people wont care lol.)
There is always another way. But it might not work exactly like you may desire.

A wise old rabbit once told me "Never give-up!, Trust your instincts!" granted the advice at the time led me on a tripped-out voyage out of an asteroid belt, but hey it was more impressive than a bunch of rocks and space monkies.

Ryo Kinsaru

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #102 on: October 29, 2014, 06:34:33 PM »
I... I just can't believe it. It was all a lie. So many memories and none of them real. My world is shattered and I don't know what to do. There never was a City of Heroes... we all died in the crash.
I can't think of anything clever to place here as I am currently over-caffeinated on very little sleep. All the cool people have a signature, so I will drop random text here trying to fit in.

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #103 on: October 29, 2014, 11:49:31 PM »
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
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Surelle

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #104 on: October 30, 2014, 12:00:16 AM »
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.

As a little publicized part of their recently announced "refocusing solely on CoX," Titan Forums has quietly disposed of the executives who disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP.  When reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their server and web store development skills for the impending I23 image relaunch.

 ;D

LadyVamp

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #105 on: October 30, 2014, 01:19:02 AM »
Today, NCSoft announced the return of City of Heroes and Villains stating they would put the game back up and even reassemble the dev teams if the players would at least claim to be playing Wildstar.  Negotiators for the heroes and villains stated they would have to talk to their clients but felt this would be acceptable.

Negotiations however started to break down when Ghostwidow stated she would not return stating Lord Recluse was a wimp.  She then promptly held several people at the negotiations.  Lady Vamp was called in to keep a stone tank named K-9 from being held while a crack squad of mice scrappers subdued  Ghostwidow.

Hamidon also raised objections (we think) saying ,"blub blub burble burble burble."  The mice negotiators for Rodent Consortium just giggled.  When asked what did he say, the mice said, "it loses something in the translation."

In a rare event, the hero lil Dragon Mouse and her villain twin sister 1i1 Dragon Mouse agreed that NCSoft should be prepared to pay an undisclosed amount in cheese and wheat crackers.  Not surprising, it took them 50 hours of super intense, non-stop fighting with mono edged weapons before they would agree.

Miss Liberty also made a demand saying she was tired of junior hero worship in AP and wanted to take over Recluse's empire to become The bad...girl.

Taek Jin Kim told Ghostwidow, Hamidon, and Miss Liberty they would be required to return to their old jobs, but he was willing to consider story content that would change them.  He did state that all this hinges on the players agreeing to state they were playing Wildstar.  Negotiators for the players stated some players might even buy the client for Wildstar pending the return of CoH/CoV servers.

No Surrender!

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #106 on: October 30, 2014, 07:41:50 AM »
Just Announced:
City of Heroes / City of Villains will relaunch on Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and everything will be exactly as it was the day the city went dark, two years ago.  There will be one minor change.  All characters, NPC's and Player toons and passerbys will be female.  This is being done in response to the corrupted pants piggs files.
The ggame spokesman said that it is the same game, it will be better looking pixels.

LaughingAlex

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #107 on: October 30, 2014, 09:14:40 AM »
Just Announced:
City of Heroes / City of Villains will relaunch on Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and everything will be exactly as it was the day the city went dark, two years ago.  There will be one minor change.  All characters, NPC's and Player toons and passerbys will be female.  This is being done in response to the corrupted pants piggs files.
The ggame spokesman said that it is the same game, it will be better looking pixels.

Just announced, city of heroes will also look like scarlet blade and be as sexist and objectifying as the worst game of all time and also play like the worst game of all time.
Currently; Not doing any streaming, found myself with less time available recently.  Still playing starbound periodically, though I am thinking of trying other games.  Don't tell me to play mmohtg's though please :).  Getting back into participating in VO and the successors again to.

KennonGL

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #108 on: October 30, 2014, 02:38:17 PM »
. . .and also play like the worst game of all time.

E.T. on the Nintendo?

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #109 on: October 30, 2014, 11:11:19 PM »
E.T. on the Nintendo?
it's was ET on Atari... ;) but yeah
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
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Joshex

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #110 on: October 31, 2014, 10:30:37 AM »
As a little publicized part of their recently announced "reorganization," NCSoft has quietly disposed of the executives negotiating the sale of the City of Heroes IP. when reached for comment, THeM were unable to elaborate, because they were busy sharpening their pitchforks and lighting torches.

Today NCSoft announced they will be sun-setting all executives associated with the sale of CoX. The executives will be fired at precisely 12:00am EST whereby they will be dragged from their desks (or wherever they are) stripped of everything useful, have their various sound effects auctioned off to cheap Asian television shows, from there they will be disconnected from the outside world and shoved into a vault, no announcements as of yet about what will happen to the executive's family system.
There is always another way. But it might not work exactly like you may desire.

A wise old rabbit once told me "Never give-up!, Trust your instincts!" granted the advice at the time led me on a tripped-out voyage out of an asteroid belt, but hey it was more impressive than a bunch of rocks and space monkies.

LaughingAlex

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #111 on: October 31, 2014, 05:32:31 PM »
E.T. on the Nintendo?

Actually I was calling scarlet blade the worst game of all time, as in worst mmorpg of all time.

If you really want worst game of all time, you can do better than ET.  Just ask the angry video game nerd, the guy runs into far worst pretty frequently.  ET was poorly made coded and whatnot, but it was simple.  The real mistake was the publisher far, far over invested making to many cartridges of the game when it was rather sub-par and that crashed the industry.

But there are worst games than ET.  I think I remember seeing action 52 being especially bad as the games weren't even remotely playable on it and the thing costed 300 dollars to buy.  The AVGN had a ball with that one.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4QBeADNM34

The worst game I ever played?  Probably Deus Ex: Invisible war, broken in so many ways.  CO comes a close second.

So in other news: CoH was bought by Perfect World Entertainment.  Expect forced DLC content, even SO enhancements will cost real money and every small costume change will require a minimum 5$ to purchase.  Free players will be trapped to melee-less blasters without build up and aim, or attackless empaths, or attackless tankers who only have taunt only.  All in the name of "Well super heroes only ever did one thing in their team...".  Also expect overpowered items to be released in lockboxes to be nerfed later for the next wave of lockboxes which will be as overpowered as the items before....only to also be nerfed!  Expect the pattern to repeat!
Currently; Not doing any streaming, found myself with less time available recently.  Still playing starbound periodically, though I am thinking of trying other games.  Don't tell me to play mmohtg's though please :).  Getting back into participating in VO and the successors again to.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #112 on: November 02, 2014, 12:27:37 AM »
And turning to gaming news, City of Heroes has been relaunched and is even better than ever.  It is one sweet blessed mother loving game.  So knock off the negative waves.

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #113 on: November 02, 2014, 04:54:24 PM »
In Programing News, Google today announced they have procured the software and IP of former MMORPG City of Heroes. The game, a super-hero epic, was a first-of-its-kind in the industry ten years ago, but was shuttered by its former producer two years ago for poorly specified reasons. In related news Google announced that it will be selling City of Heroes to a Chinese company at a substantial loss in ten months time in its ongoing effort to confuse and infuriate basically anyone with a passing grade in a high school economics course.
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #114 on: November 03, 2014, 07:50:19 AM »
In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

KennonGL

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #115 on: November 03, 2014, 01:42:48 PM »
In other gaming news, parker brothers will create a City of Heroes Monopoly Edition.
You too can own Galaxy City and Atlas Park.  The Chance cards will be replaced by Task Force cards.  Community Chest cards to be replaced by Police Scanner cards.  The railroads replaced by Green Line, Yellow Line, Black Helicopter and Rogue Island Ferry.
And the jail will be replaced with the Zig.  The currency will be Influence of course.

Actually that might be pretty fun . . . .

Eoraptor

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #116 on: November 03, 2014, 06:59:18 PM »
now I just need to hoard some "bust out of the zig free" cards
"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story, while others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe!"
-Lex Luthor

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #117 on: November 06, 2014, 01:07:54 AM »
Atlas Park Revival, City of Titans, Valiance, and Heroes and Villains games will have an unique feature that will allow players to cross games.  Players will be able to team with other players playing one of the other games.  Even run content from another one of the games.  This new feature, OmniGamer, will have cross game chat channels and teleport tunnels running like a network between the games.
Now, if they could fix the pants graphics files, we might have something.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #118 on: November 07, 2014, 05:21:58 AM »
OmniGamer expands to include all MMORPG.
So now you can take your superhero through Worlds of Warcraft.
Even your Star Trek character can run radio missions in Talos.
And second life characters can be citizens of Paragon City.

Paragon Avenger

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Re: Completely fake CoH news (for fun while we wait for real updates)
« Reply #119 on: November 08, 2014, 06:28:56 AM »
OmniGamer is spreading to all online games.
That's right, your Fire/Fire tank can now play farmville.

There are racing games for your Ill/Kin troller.